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neighbour's mum 'treating' my dd - what shall I do?

(3 Posts)
traceface Wed 28-Oct-09 16:35:49

My dd1 (5 yrs) has become friends with a 7yr old on our road. They play in the street together and play at each other's houses. It's a bit of an up and down affair as they're both strong willed little ladies, but generally it's ok. Last week the friend's mum offered to take my dd1 to the shops with her. While she was there she treated her to a Macdonalds and bought her a big cup with her name on it. We gave her some money to cover it, although felt a bit miffed because we wouldn't have bought it for her and can't afford to spend what we don't need to spend at the moment. Today they offered to take her to B+Q with them (5 mins away - just a little trip out for fun to keep the girls occupied). She returned some time later - dd1 walked through the door with a bottle of Coke (we don't let her have coke), a lolly, and a DVD! She said she'd had a bun too. So what do we do? I don't want her feeling she needs to buy stuff for my dd (her dd is rather spoilt), and I don't want dd to expect it. I wish she'd not bought the stuff. So how do I broach it without sounding ungrateful or 'superior' ("oh we don't let our dd have Coke"). Am I fussing over nothing or would this bother you too? Thanks for any replies...

TheInvisibleHand Wed 28-Oct-09 17:25:36

Ooh, this is a tricky one isn't it? As far as the money side of it goes, I don't think you need to be contributing if the other mum of her own accord decides on an expensive "treat". I mean, you wouldn't be chipping in if your DD went to someone else's house and was offered cake, a little present to take home etc, so I see this kind of scenario as an extension of hospitality. (Obviously different if it was a planned outing for the girls e.g. a trip to the zoo or something where I would expect to pay my share).

If you see it that way, then I think you need to ask yourself how you would feel if your DD was visiting a friend and was given all sorts of OTT unsuitable stuff. I'd probably live with the small stuff (e.g. coke once in a while etc), but then would probably say something like "Its really very kind of you, but there no need for you to be feeding DD/getting her things".

Looking at it from the other mum's perspective the possible scenarios are either i)don't get either girl anything and maybe disappoint her own DD (because she expects something); ii) just get her DD a treat but not yours (but that seems mean); or iii) get both girls something. If money is not too much of a problem for you and you don't think about it too hard, iii) does seem like the nicest option!

KatieScarlett2833 Wed 28-Oct-09 17:27:56

I have done this many times with DC's friends and would never expect to be recompensated for what effectively is my choice.

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