NCT group not being honest?!

[scrunchie]

Hi

Just needed to let off a bit of steam really - had done the whole NCT thing to try to get a bit of a network for maternity leave.

But it's not worked out that well. It's been hard to get everyone to meet regularly - and also I get the feeling that people aren't being totally honest and just pretending that things are going ok when maybe it's not - which makes me feel worse as have been totally honest! And don't feel the group has gelled that well.

Did anyone else ever feel this? Am a bit disappointed.

[CMOTdibbler]

It happens. My NCT group never gelled, and we didn't meet up afterwards.

Try some baby groups until you find a friendly group

[missingtheaction]

I had one great NCT group and one that didn't gel; neither of my local antenatal groups gelled either. I've had some school groups of mums that gel and others that just don't. It's just one of those things.

[pipWereRabbit]

My NCT antenatal group didn't really gel.
However, my NCT postnatal group were fab and really saw we through DDs first few years. I think it was easier once we all had our babies (instead of some being pg and others having newborns), it meant we had a lot more in common than just being up the duff. Would go and sit in local pub after class, BFing and gossiping.

I'm sure you'll find a Mother and baby group locally where you can start building that dsupport network.

[whensmydayoff]

Same here, nothing in common and never seen any of them again.

When my DS was 5 months i met 5 girls with babies same age at baby swimming lessons. They were an ante natal group that did get on and kindly started inviting me to stuff. We are all good friends now and regularly meet up (DC's are 2.5).

I also met alot of other people at local library Rhyme Time.

Don't be disheartened by one group, get yourself out there.

[theyoungvisiter]

I had a fabulous antenatal group that was excellent and we are still meeting up 3 years on, but my postnatal group was... hmm... odd to put it kindly, and I only ever see them in passing.

I don't think you should get too obsessed about the "being honest" thing though. People deal with challenges and hard times in different ways. Just because someone is saying they are alright when they aren't, it doesn't make them a bad person. It may mean they are trying so hard to hold it together that they feel they can't risk letting out the truth.

Also tbh you don't know them that well yet. You are all still comparative strangers with each other - why should they open up if they don't want to? It's not an obligation. It's taken me 3+ years to really get to know some of my group, and have only found out recently, for example, about miscarriages or birth trauma some of them suffered.

If you stick with them you may find it gets better. OTH if you feel you are simply different people then get out there and find a group that clicks more with your personality - the right group will be out there somewhere.

[Bensmum76]

My DS has just turned two and we still see all members of our NCt group regularly, infact we are finally coming to the end of the long trawl of birthday parties!! We all seemed to click from the start and even our NCT teacher said she could see us staying in touch. We have all admitted 'secret' things to each other and have all found it great having people to compare/discuss things with. I couldn't have managed without them

[MagNacarta]

NCT group dc1 - didn't gell, stopped meeting after a couple of attempts, but I bumped into one person a few months later and we hit it of.

NCT group dc2 - tried so hard to gell, but faded quickly

NCT group dc3 - fab, brilliant

[vanimal]

My group didn't gel either - a few half-hearted emails then it all fizzled out.

I did contact some of them individually - email and FB - and am now chums with 2 (out of 6) of them.

I think bonding with a big group of people is quite difficult anyway, esp as DHs are often there too (I don't know why that would make a difference, but it did for me).

You could try catching up with them in smaller groups/

[Smithagain]

My NCT did gel socially ... but we weren't honest with each other about how we were getting on in the early months. It took us about a year to realise that all of us had been putting a brave face on things because we thought the others were coping really well!