Hi, My DD is starting to show her 'free will' and I am keen to get a structure of behaviour management in place so I feel like I have a plan to help her behave as the toddler years begin - can anyone recommend a book that will give me an idea of what I should be doing/expecting?
I see us being naughty step, reward sticker chart type parents if that helps. Thanks for any suggestions.
I'm a fan of 123 Magic. It does use time out rather than a naughty step. It also tries to avoid escalation via persuasion etc.
No idea how young your dd is though I suspect she may be very young. I think I like the 123 program as it does work equally well as they get older. I returned to it recently when I felt that I was getting a bit shouty and have been pleasantly surprised at how easily it has restored a certain amount of peace in our house.
Rather than naughty step we use "sitting and thinking," inspired by Steve Biddulph (The Secret of Happy Children). So she has to sit on the ordinary sofa in the sitting room (or wherever we are - the point is that she doesn't get sent "out") for a couple of minutes, with the emphasis on thinking and saying what she did wrong, why (in very simple terms) it was wrong and what she should do next time. It's working so far, but she's only 2.5
Steve Biddulph's books tend to be a bit thin, with lots of pointless illustrations, so I don't know if I would recommend them as such, but I did like that particular idea. I think he calls it standing and dealing, but I wasn't so keen on the idea of standing, and "dealing" isn't very natural in British English (I hate saying "parenting speak" things that don't come naturally). Basically you take what you like from these books.
I have How to Talk, which I like, but again, I find that the illustrations and "set dialogues" get in the way - I find I need to read it in detail to get the thinking behind it, rather than being distracted by the set dialogues (which cause me to think "I could never use those words!/this is for children older than DD etc.)
For that reason, I want to get Alfie Kohn, because I get the idea that he helps you to build up a healthy basic attitude rather than blinding you with examples.
I like Elizabeth Pantley's ' No-cry discipline solution'. Lots of practical advice and a section on solving the real problem (i.e. frustration, hunger, tiredness) before going for discipline techniques. And another section on dealing with parental anger and your own reactions to difficult behaviour. I find it a very holistic approach to behaviour.