Is it better to raise your children so that they are always happy?

[hobbgoblin]

Okay, I began to ponder this while I wiped down the kitchen surfaces today

My own DC have to go without a fair bit in terms of what their peers have on the material front. They probably also go without to a certain extent on the non-material side of things as I am a lone parent.

However, this is n't exactly what made me begin to wonder what I am posing here.

I think it is fair enough that they don't have every gadget going and don't feel bad about that really apart from the odd occasion when they deserve a treat and the funds aren't there.

What I do question is their moral upbringing...

Quite often I will endeavour to teach my children the 'hard' or inconvenient way for the sake of doing what is right. To give a very simple example, I will make them wait for the Green Man when crossing the road because I know this will stand them in good stead for later, independent road crossing.

They may find a fiver in the street and be delighted but I will make them hand it in in order to do 'the right thing'.

This isn't an essay on what a perfect parent I think I am. I know I am not. But, where possible I will try and teach my children some kind of moral code by which I hope they will live their adult lives.

I happen to see a lot of other children not having to do this. They can cross when the red man shows, keep the fiver they found on the pavement, stay up late, eat what they feel like and so on.

Some of this is about self discipline too I suppose.

My DP's children (who live 6 days with their mother) have a lot of freedom and get to do all the stuff mentioned above which means we have a few raised eyebrows when I make us all wait for the Green Man, sphincter clenched!)

They are sweet children by and large, generous, polite...most of all happy. They experience the delight of keeping the bounty, of earing pizza not carrots! My kids have the ball ache existence.

So, who is 'right'?

[Pitchounette]

Message withdrawn

[PumpkinJuice]

I sometimes think I'm too hard on my DC's by doing things like this. Sometimes I think I should get off their case, but other times I think I'm doing ok and they are turning out just fine.

[fluffles]

do you also have fun? do you run around and giggle and laugh and have a joyful time?

if so, then you are doing nothing wrong... real happiness is stomping in puddles or kicking leaves in the park or running down hills - not eating junkfood, having gadgets and crossing when the red man is showing