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(Highly) sensitice child. What do you do when they grow up?

(14 Posts)
Pitchounette Thu 22-Oct-09 14:20:00

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Pitchounette Thu 22-Oct-09 14:20:57

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Pitchounette Thu 22-Oct-09 15:10:17

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Pitchounette Thu 22-Oct-09 16:53:50

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thisisyesterday Thu 22-Oct-09 17:01:29

hmm no advice on how to handle, and not much time as just making dinner, but i wanted to say that no, i don't think he is taking advantage per se, and i don't think you are babying him

for whatever reason, this is how he needs to cope with the things that life throws at him. if he is asking for a cuddle when he is upset it's because he NEEDS a cuddle when he is upset, and, like you say if you can get there asap then 10 mins is fine.. i don't think it's a problem for him to be getting upset like that, for you to comfort him like it, or for him to ask you to cofort him

however, i can see that it isn't always convenient and i don't think it would be wrong to try and help him find other ways of dealing with it. no ideas off top of my head but will try and pop back when have cleared a tub of lego off the table hmm and comforted crying baby

cilldara Thu 22-Oct-09 17:01:42

I guess you need to find a way to help him to deal with these overwhelming feelings he has.

Maybe when he gets overwrought you could insist on him using "his words" i.e language to express himself. Try not to cuddle and comfort him until he has gained some self composure.

As he becomes more articulate he will be better at dealing with the feelings. some days I wish I could have a little meltdownsmile

Pitchounette Thu 22-Oct-09 17:12:12

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blowbroth Thu 22-Oct-09 17:14:09

Sorry , I agree with your DH. Half an hour of cuddles? Crikey

Goblinchild Thu 22-Oct-09 17:37:25

How is he handling conflict and distress at school when you are not there?
Does he withdraw for long periods, cry and scream for a long time or become aggressive and controlling? Or does he have a different coping strategy when you're not available?

thisisyesterday Thu 22-Oct-09 17:44:11

well the way i see it is that if it works for you then it doesn'tmatter what anyone else thinks! he isn't going to do it forever

does your DH think he does it for attention? because you know what? maye he does, but instead of telling you that he is taking advantage he should maybe be helping you come up with solutions to stop ds feeling like he needs to do that for attention. does that make sense? i might b e barking up the wrong tree here lol

that said, it would be prudent i guess to teach him other coping mechanisms for when it just isn't a good time to have cuddles

Pitchounette Thu 22-Oct-09 20:01:27

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thisisyesterday Thu 22-Oct-09 21:29:04

i gfuess i would just talk to him about why sometimes he can only have a quick cuddle, cos u are in the way out or whatever, give him a few examples
maybe ask him for some ideas of what might help him feel better quicker?
maybe one super-duper huge squeeeeeeezy hug could do the trick? try and make him laugh!

i do feel quite strongly though that children need to work through this stuff at their own pace. there is no use in trying to make him get over it quicker if he physically can't do it.
you can bribe him to stop moaning or whatever i'msure, but all that does is teach him that he'llget a nice thing if he pretends he isn't upset, which probably isn't ideal in the long-run!

i think i would just brainstorm with him, see what he can come up with, and then just be there for him as much as u can.
i know it's horrible thinkkg about them being upset in school, although i suspect that they have plenty to take their m inds off of it there

thisisyesterday Thu 22-Oct-09 21:29:34

sorry, that's really convoluted and probably not really muchhelp is it

Pitchounette Thu 22-Oct-09 21:32:32

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