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dd1 (22months) VERY clingy to me and wont do anything with DH.

(6 Posts)
JennyPennyNAPPYWEB Wed 21-Oct-09 15:38:55

DD1 is 22months. She won't do anything at all with DH. At home or when we are out. Luckily, Dd2 (6 months) is happy with him but I am just so exhusted from DD1 constantly attached to me. If we go out to somewhere like soft play or something, I usually take DH as DD1 can't do most of the stuff on her own and DD2 isn't old enough to join in. But DD1 won't play with DH or anything so he ends up sitting having a coffee with DD2.

At home, she wont even sit with DH for 5 mins, she follows me everywhere, even to the loo.

Have tried saying that DH is going to the park and I am staying at home and she can go with him or stay at home and she does sometimes get as far as putting a coat on etc but then wont leave without me.

Slight success with if he takes them in the morning and leaves me in bed as she never sees me, but then she wont have a nap or anything so ends up with a very overtired toddler who ends up just watching TV as too tired to do anything which sort of spoils the whole point!

DH has said he is happy to take her to softplay or something on his own but trouble is, he doesn't drive so means me taking them really as none are easy by public transport. So then I am left hanging around with DD2 - AND DD1 would probably just have a trantrum when I left and then not want to play!

I am also always torn between the 2 kids as I always feel like I am always dumping DD2 off on DH or anybody who is there.

Can anybody make any suggestions?

Twinsmommy Wed 21-Oct-09 16:55:42

I think your DH is right to suggest he takes her to softplay or something on his own. How is DD1 ever going to do anything with DH if you are always there when she throws the tantrum or refuses to go out the door.

If DH is willing to do the public transport on his own, then you should let him try. If DD1 throws a wobbly on the way out, you should ignore it rather than give in and tell her she can stay home. By the time they get to the softplay hopefully she will have forgotten why she was so mad and have a nice play. Then, on the way home, she will probably nap in her pushchair on the bus. Everyone's a winner.

By giving her the option to stay home, it's not giving you a break and it's making DH feel entirely useless. It is also giving all the control in the situation to your DD1, when it should be you and DH in control.

If you have to take them in the car to the softplay, then by all means take them - but make sure you drive away and go and do something for you once you drop them off. I know it's difficult - but you have to turn and not look back. Just reassure your DD1 before you leave that you will see her later and that it's her time to spend with daddy.

Giving DH and DD1 time alone together outside the family home will give them the opportunity to build a closer relationship - but she won't do this if mummy is always there as the alternative.

JennyPennyNAPPYWEB Wed 21-Oct-09 18:20:16

Well that is pretty much what I thought really. It was me who suggested the soft play, but DH is just worried about how to get there. Would love to be able to have a couple of hours at home with just DD1 but TBH soft play is 30 mins each way (trafficy - outter london) so by the time I got home it would be time to go again! But to go on public transport would be a nightmare. Hoping to think of somewhere else to go that is one bus away or something but I am just so used to having a car and driving everywhere!

I agree she needs to spend some quality time with him so will just have to find somewhere.

I have been working in the evenings at a pub and its rediculos - I have to make sure she is in bed before I go and then sneak out!

Thank you for the reply smile

Supercherry Wed 21-Oct-09 18:34:29

Is there a park within walking distance that your DH can take her to?

She might protest at first but I'm sure once she is playing on the slides and swings she won't give you a second thought.

Twinsmommy Thu 22-Oct-09 13:09:01

Yes, Supercherry, a park is a brilliant idea, just make sure she's wrapped up warm! And DH too! Perhaps they could take a flask of hot milk/chocolate?!

JennyPennyNAPPYWEB - my twin boys were just the same and do still, at 3yrs and 5mths follow me everywhere in the house, even if daddy is home. But I used to force daddy out of the house with them - if only for an hour to begin with, for my own sanity - as I really did need a break. Nowadays, they will happily go anywhere with daddy and yes, we do still get the whining that mommy isn't going too, but they get over that as soon as they are out.

I mean, your DH could even just take DD out for a walk - especially if she is walking too (i.e., without the buggy) - promotes a great nap on return!!!

JennyPennyNAPPYWEB Fri 23-Oct-09 22:22:50

She will occasionally walk to the shop with DH to get an egg (kinder egg - she is obbsessed with anything egg shaped hmm) but only if in a good mood.

The park in walking distance is rubbish. Nothing that she can do - all older kids, 4/5+ sad

We are going out on his next set of days off (he does shifts, which doesn't help as she now won't see him till at least wednesday). Am going to the town centre, dropping off DH and DD1 at softplay and going shopping myself smile. Trouble is, I love taking her places like that and get a bit envy but will do it anyway as I know they NEED to do this. DH is then going to walk to the town centre with me I think, depending on exactly how far it is (it is certainly not too close!).

Thank you both for the help. I will keep you updated if you like smile

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