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How can I help my tired DH ?

(4 Posts)
FeelingGrumpy Mon 19-Oct-09 12:20:15

He was promoted a year or so ago and has lots more responsibility now, but since that point he seems continually emotionally absent. You can tell he is still at work in his head. He is permanently knackered, to the extent that he has virtually opted out of family life. He has no energy for the DCs and spends the weekends subtly avoiding them, thro telly, newspapers, PC etc. Holidays etc are a disaster since he finds the DCs really hard work and invariably explodes/gets ill. I feel for them, well and him too, since they are developing a very obvious preference for playing with mummy since he is such a grump.

I understand that he is knackered but so am I. I do everything in the house, all the trad SAHM stuff plus DIY, grass cutting etc, finances too, including at weekends when theoretically he could muck in a bit. I dont mind doing the bulk of it, I am a SAHM, but I would just love a bit of input, help, anything.

I dont know how to help him tho, I have taken on everything I can to reduce his load
so what next? Or is this simply the common state of the average working bloke?

lechatnoir Mon 19-Oct-09 13:09:28

No this is most definitely not normal. Could there be a problem you're not aware of such as financial worries, threat of redundancy etc? Any chance he is depressed? If you don't think it's anything like this & he's just feeling tired & stressed from his job then I think he needs a good talking to as IMO he's taking the piss!!

I think you're a saint (or mad) for putting up with it for so long - I'm sorry but we all get tired in the week whether it's from being a busy SAHM or working full time, but, if you have a family you absolutely need to learn to switch off and give yourself to your family be it playing with the kids, helping out around the house or just spending time together. Does it not bother him that his children don't want to spend time with their daddy?

Sitting on your backside watching TV, on the PC or hiding behind the newspaper is NOT spending quality time with your family it's being a selfish lazy fecker who is taking advantage of your good nature!!

Not sure if my little rant was any help at all but hopefully you can see that this can't continue. sad Good luck & hope you find some answers.

NormaStanleyFletcher Mon 19-Oct-09 13:12:54

Does he get much excercise? It sounds like he is tired and stressed, and excercise can help with both of those omho.

It sounds like you are doing the lions share of stuff with the family, which is fair enough during the week (maybe) but not at the weekends too - that would hack me off.

DH has been in the situation where he was out of the house from 5.30 in the morning to 6,30 at night if not longer, it tired him out, but he still bathed the DCs and put them to bed when he got home (I was working too, but I often think SAHM is just as hard if not harder) and would take them out at the weekends to give me a break.

I don't know how old your DC are, but could you do some ativities together. We have just discovered GoeCaching, which we can do as a family and get excercise at the same time.

It sounds like a hard situation, but it is not up to you to do everything and solve everything. Does he know how you feel?

iwantitnow Mon 19-Oct-09 14:47:18

Could you take a weekend off together without kids or at least a night off to discuss stuff as one of you is going to break? Sounds like he is using work as an excuse, its not normal not to want to play with your kids no matter how tired you are if you don't see them much. He is either distancing himself from his family on purpose or he is depressed.

He just seems to be providing you with money and worry. Hugs to you it can't continue you must be shattered emotionally and physically.

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