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I feel sad not to have a girl....

(34 Posts)
craggie Wed 14-Oct-09 21:19:09

Does anyone else? Will this feeling go?

Any thoughts much appreciated


Jigsawgirl Wed 14-Oct-09 21:26:52

Oh poor you, I felt sad not to have a boy ( I have two girls) as I am from a family of 3 girls and really wanted a son; but on my second pregnancy my daughter nearly died and I finally felt grateful and lucky that I had a live, healthy baby. The more babies interact with you the more you love them, so for me, yes the feeling did go. Good luck.

seeker Wed 14-Oct-09 21:32:03

When I was pregnant for the first time, I anted a girl so badly I was quite frightened by the strength of the feeling. I convinced myself and everyone else that I was having a boy because I was so worries about being disappointed when the baby came. I was lucky enough to have a girl - but I know if I hadn't I'd still be secretly longing. So I don understand you. I suspect the feeling never goes away, but it gets diluted by the wonderfulness of your boy.

craggie Wed 14-Oct-09 21:38:09

I'm glad your dd2 arrived safely in the end - I know it sounds very shallow to be sad as I have 2 gorgeous healthy boys.

ds2 is 8 months now and of course I love him but I was hoping this feeling would have gone by now??

bumpybecky Wed 14-Oct-09 21:47:39

I know my MIL really wanted a girl, but it wasn't to be, she had 4 boys.

Fast forward 35 years and she's now got 6 grandaughters she got the pink glittery thing, just had to wait a while!

BoneYard Wed 14-Oct-09 21:51:02

These threads are always about girls - it makes me sad.

craggie Wed 14-Oct-09 21:52:11

Yes but won't any daughter in laws hate me as I'm the mil?!

outnumberedbymyboys Wed 14-Oct-09 21:52:22

I have 2 boys under 6 who I would not swap for the world. We won't have any more children because due to work and home I am already stretched a little too thin. To have another child would be unfair on both boys and would probably finish me off. I still can't believe though that I won't have a girl and it still feels upsetting and I feel like I am in a form of mourning.

Sorry-so depressing! Very lucky to have two beautiful, healthy children. smile

outnumberedbymyboys Wed 14-Oct-09 21:54:03

Also concerned that will be hated by future daughter in laws. Fear they might put me in a home smelling of wee!

craggie Wed 14-Oct-09 21:59:03

It's true I'm sure any future dil's will do the same to me - it would be calmer as I don't really like my mil!

ElenorRigby Wed 14-Oct-09 21:59:57

craggie my dear sister and her husband have wanted a child, any child, for the last ten years, but after numerous cycles of IVF and miscarriages it is looking like it will not be.

As outnumbered said you are so so lucky to have two healthy beautiful children, try to hold on to that

seeker Wed 14-Oct-09 22:01:55

Boneyard - if this was Dadsnet it would be about boys. It's irrational and atavistic.

craggie Wed 14-Oct-09 22:05:34

I know I'm incredibly lucky to have 2 healthy children. I really wish I could shake it off... I don't talk about it in rl I was just hoping to hear from people who felt this way and got over it.

princessx2 Wed 14-Oct-09 22:13:28

I agree with boneyard - these posts are always about not having girls.

I have two little girls of 4 and 1. Both pregnancies were difficult for one reason or another and between having them both, I had a miscarriage which was devestating for me. However, the sex of both babies was irrelevant and particularly with the youngest - all I wanted was a successful pregnancy with a health baby at the end - boy or girl.

For what its worth, before I became a mother, I looked after around 6 different little boys - cousin's children and my nephew and so strangely always expected and wanted to have a little boy. However, I can say hand on heart that I don't feel sad or like I am missing out for not having a boy.

seeker Wed 14-Oct-09 22:16:38

They are only about not having girls because most of the posters on here are women. If we were men it would be about not having boys.

poorbuthappy Wed 14-Oct-09 22:26:08

I have 3 girls and more often now go gooey over boys purely because I know we definitely won't be having 1...I just often wonder what our boy would look

In fact I am the anti-posh! (In more ways than one!!!)

Merrylegs Wed 14-Oct-09 22:31:02

When I was pregnant with my second I was convinced I was having a girl. Unlike my first, who was a boy, this pregnancy felt totally different. I was really sick, carried differently etc. So when the baby was born and it was another boy I was in absolute shock - and also mourning for the girl he 'should' have been. BUT he is so totally different from my first DS in terms of looks and personality, I soon realised that I had a fantastic new little person and boy or girl, it didn't matter. Now they are older, my boys, who are close in age, are really good pals.

As a caveat to this I went on to have a 3rd - surprise - child who turned out to be a girl. I love having a daughter too, but I feel sad for her that she will never know the closeness of a same sex sibling. She gets on with her brothers, but is always a bit out on a limb. She is desperate for a sister, but I won't be having any more!
You might though...

bumpybecky Thu 15-Oct-09 10:56:04

Boneyard, I didn't post my bit as I didn't want to rub in the fact that it had a happy ending, but seeing as how you posted...

We had two girls and knew we wanted more and really wanted a boy. I read a couple of books on gender selection, then went on to have dd3 hmm read them again and tried again with #4 I remember being very ashamed of myself for crying when a friend had her baby as she then had dc of both sexes and that was what I really wanted and I was bound to have another girl. But #4 turned out to be ds grin

craggie, my MIL with the 4 boys is the loveliest MIL you could ask for she is fabulous and we get on brilliantly. Don't assume you're going to lose your sons when they get married. If you work at being a good MIL, you can still be close to them

SpookyScattyKatty Thu 15-Oct-09 14:37:36

I have the opposite fear! I have a very bad relationship with my Mother who it turns hates her adoptive Mother and my great fear is having a daughter. I have one DS and I can't tell you how happy I was when he was a he! All the way through I was sick with worry he'd be a girl and the cycle of hate would continue.

I'm actually afraid of having another child in case it's a girl, I just feel I will not know how to love her as no one on my family likes their Mothers

Morloth Thu 15-Oct-09 16:38:38

I have the opposite going on. Am pregnant right now and hoping for another DS. Will not be disappointed exactly if it is a girl, but my preference is definitely for two boys.

Nothing wrong with having a preference, but you need to get over it or it will start to affect your relationship with your boy.

stillfrazzled Thu 15-Oct-09 18:36:20

Craggie, I feel EXACTLY the same way you do, even down to the being scared of being the neglected MIL sad

We're currently TTC no2, and I'm really mixed up because although I know I will adore whoever turns up, just as I do my DS, this is my last chance for a girl.

I can't explain the strong desire for a daughter, except to say that I am incredibly close to my mum, sister and aunts and those relationships are so important to me that I would love my DD to be the next link in the chain, IYSWIM.

Was nearly crying today at the thought I might never have a DD. Can't talk about it to DH as he'd flatly refuse to TTC at all, and he's probably right sad

Sorry, this is more depressing than I meant it to be. But you're not alone.

puffylovett Thu 15-Oct-09 18:47:41

You're definitely not alone, I know exactly how you feel. DS2 2 weeks is fab, I adore him and am besotted, but I'm already thinking about DC3 in the hopes that it will be a girl. Even though we have no space and no money, it's comletely irrational on my part sad

It's just that I was utterly convinced he was a girl and I really wanted one this time around. I got my wish with DS1 & like Merrylegs everything was so different with Pg2 that it convinced me he was a she !

jemart Thu 15-Oct-09 18:53:40

I have two girls and one boy. Don't feel sad, girls are very complex creatures, boys much more straightforward emotionally and they really love their mum, you just don't get that level of devotion from girls.

TeamAlesha Thu 15-Oct-09 19:03:27

I understand your feelings totally. I have 2 DS's (5 & 9) and I so wanted a girl.

I love the boys completely and know im really lucky to have them.

However knowing im never going to have that mother / daughter relationship makes me so sad

On a plus, now the boys are getting older they are starting to go off and watch footie with DH and stuff like that. Leaving me to have a bit of 'me time' smile

Im hoping my sister has a DD now.

controlfreek Thu 15-Oct-09 20:38:24

my dh wishes he had a ferrari, his golf handicap was 1, he played for chelsea and captained england but it genuinly makes him feel sad that it is never going to happen so he focuses on the blessings he has and not the ones he doesn't have... so he tells me!!

i have 2 gorgeous healthy boys and i wish i could have a daughter too, but i am worn thin with the 2 boys as it is, i'm not that natural mother hen, its all such an effort ds2 doesn't sleep, wants me all the time... and i miss the time for myself, the time i used to spend with dh before children, before ds2....

i agree, girls aspire to want girls as we are girls, men want boys, my dh may not get what he wants, but with 2 gorgeous son's they may fulfil his wishes for him!!


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