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Has becoming a mother fulfilled you?

(85 Posts)
DungeonButter Wed 14-Oct-09 19:07:59

Before I had kids I thought becoming a mother would fulfil me?

But I don't think it has.

Instead I find being a parent kind of gets in the way of the things that do make me feel fulfilled like career, sports, art etc.

Or maybe being a parent is just one aspect of a fulfilled life, but isn't everything. You need the other stuff too?

I love my children. But I had rather hoped it was some sort of key to happiness and am discovering it's not.

Come and indulge me in my naval gazing.

ellipsis Wed 14-Oct-09 19:13:02

I feel more fulfilled looking after dd than I ever have in any job.

But - dd is only 1 and I have only ever had shit jobs

I am already tentatively starting on the road to retraining so I think I know even now that I'll need something other than kids to be fulfilled in the long run.

Podrick Wed 14-Oct-09 19:13:42

Why not get some life coaching or buy a lifecoaching book?

ellipsis Wed 14-Oct-09 19:14:26

Oh, and I'd love to get back into playing some sports but I'm waiting for a time when I don't feel like crashing on the sofa at 8.30 every night.

could be a long wait...

notnowbernard Wed 14-Oct-09 19:16:21

I think it has

Though I amsuprised by how irritated it makes me sometimes blush

OTOH, I couldn't believe how easy I found the whole baby bit, and how much I absolutely LOVED it

ATM I think I've got a good balance between work/parenting, which helps... and I have to be serious and responsible at work, so I really enjoy 'switching off' when I get home and have days off with the dc smile

WobblyPig Wed 14-Oct-09 19:20:31

No.Motherhood has robbed me of my self-respect ; freedom ; confidence. I feel overwhelmed by the constant burden and responsibility.
I love my children but hate being a mother.

GhoulsAreLoud Wed 14-Oct-09 19:20:55


DungeonButter Wed 14-Oct-09 19:24:49

I'm not saying that my life as a whole doesn't fulfil me.

I'm not sure what i'm saying.

Just that for me, being a mum, doesn't do it on it's own.

bloss Wed 14-Oct-09 19:24:58

Message withdrawn

DungeonButter Wed 14-Oct-09 19:26:55

Yes, Bloss that is what i'm trying to say.

If i didn't have them, i'm sure i'd be yearning for them by now.

DungeonButter Wed 14-Oct-09 19:28:01

Is it selfish to feel this way?

Lizzylou Wed 14-Oct-09 19:28:45

It did, when they were very young, but then I got bored and frustrated.
YOu need the other stuff as well, makes you a better Parent too imo.

FABIsInTraining Wed 14-Oct-09 19:29:47

Explain navel gazing. I know what it means (it's all about me/feeling sorry for myself) but don't get why it is called NG.

When I had my first baby I felt like everything before then had been irrelevant and this, him, was the point of life.

I now have 3 children and I am a full time mum having been at home since 2000. I am in a good place at the moment, have had a really really good day, so I do feel fulfilled today. grin

BiscuitStuffer Wed 14-Oct-09 19:31:04

Same as for Wobblypig

ellipsis Wed 14-Oct-09 19:31:53

Not selfish no. I imagine your children would prefer you to have outside interests than to be totally focussed on them to the exclusion of all else, and then when they leave home you're totally bereft.

DungeonButter Wed 14-Oct-09 19:31:58

Navel Gazing = Excessive introspection, self-absorption, or concentration on a single issue.

ellipsis Wed 14-Oct-09 19:33:27

FAB - imagine inspecting your navel closely. You're not going to be noticing much else going on around you are you? grin

LaurieFairyCake Wed 14-Oct-09 19:34:13

only read the OP

hahahahaahahahahahahahhahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahhahhahahahhahahahhahhahhhhahahahahha

FABIsInTraining Wed 14-Oct-09 19:34:29

Thank you grin

piscesmoon Wed 14-Oct-09 19:37:10

Yes-but it hasn't stopped me doing other things too.

Booooooooooyhoo Wed 14-Oct-09 19:37:54

before i had children, i thought they were what i was meant to do. i thought it was my life's ambition to be a loving caring mum and raise wonderful children. and i loved my body.

now i find myself increasingly bored, down, irritated,frustrated, dissapointed and i hate my body.

but im working on all that, and i will find the balance. one day at a time.

TrickOrTrefusis Wed 14-Oct-09 19:38:30

No. It certainly is a huge part of what fulfils me, but it isn't everything.

WinkyWinkola Wed 14-Oct-09 19:40:26

No, it hasn't fulfilled me.

I wasn't really looking for fulfillment but I've never felt so inadequate in my life. Sometimes, I've felt so unable to cope with the challenges it's all thrown up at me, I've wanted to flee forever. But obviously that's not an option.

I'm hoping that when my dcs are grown up, they won't look back and think that they had a terrible mother.

I also hope that I'll be able to hide my disquiet, dissatisfaction and sense of inadequacy from them so that when they choose to become parents, I don't colour their choices.

Some days are ok mind.

CatIsSleepy Wed 14-Oct-09 19:42:02

naval gazing= staring at sailors...?

don't think parenthood has fulfilled me
it has it's rewards...
but I find having a 3-year old and a 7-month old and no-one to baby-sit pretty much rules out doing alot of stuff. Even a walk with dd2 turns into a shout-fest and is not relaxing let alone trying anything more challenging

Have cried with frustration and boredom on many an occasion recently and wondered if I am just not cut out for this.

dd1 did make me laugh alot tonight though-so there are good bits, they are just spaced out by alot of dull stuff (i mean the peripheral stuff-cleaning up after kids' meals, washing every bloody day, having to chivvy dd1 to get dressed every bloody day etc etc).

I now find myself looking forward to going back to work (and of course, feeling guilty about this...)

piscesmoon Wed 14-Oct-09 19:42:19

I wouldn't expect that anyone thing on its own would be fulfilling-surely it is a mix? Having children has been the most fulfilling-but like all things it has its downside. Being devoted to your DCs, with no outside intersts, seems unhealthy to me.

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