DS (just 5) had cried himself to sleep because he hates his curly hair. How can I help him?

[mazzystartled]

DS is 5 and has just started in reception.

He has very curly, almost corkscrew like curls. It's cut fairly short but it's still very striking. Old ladies can't stop themselves touching it/commenting on it, and DS has become increasingly self-conscious about it.

Tonight as I was putting him to bed he started crying and saying he hated his hair, he didn't like curls, he was the odd one out in his class, and he wanted to change it.

Well there aren't many options on the changing it - when it's shorter its even more curly, when it's longer it loses some curl but he starts to resemble Sideshow Bob.

How can I help him deal with his (actually rather beautiful) difference? I tried various gambits, (it makes you look like daddy, lots of footballers and rock stars have curly hair and its really cool, it's not what you look like that matters - it's what you are like as a person) none really consoled him.

He's adamant that he hasn't been teased or bullied about it btw.

[3littlefrogs]

Ahh - it is a shame isn't it. He is just that age when he is noticing differences. Dd went through this phase at about the same age - she desperately wanted blonde wavy hair (she's mixed race, so it is very unlikely to happen..)

We just did all the things you are doing, and she just got over it. I think it is just a phase.

[madwomanintheattic]

like littlefrogs said - i'd just focus on the 'we are all different' line - usually they do a whole heap of this in yr r.

if it helps, people stroke and pat dd2 all the time (for a different reason lol, she's a wheelchair user) and she just looks at them as though as they are mad.

i would tend to distract as far as possible every time the subject comes up tbh - it's not an issue, so don't (help him) make it one.

(and try to resist playing with his curls whilst you are doing it lol...)

[purpleduck]

"it'd be boring if everyone was the same?"

I don't know, but tell him I would LOVE his curly hair. Like most people with straight hair

[foxinsocks]

dd went through this phase too (also curly hair).

have you got curly hair or dp/dh? I have poker straight fine hair (grrr) and she has beautiful thick curly hair (unlike most of her classmates too) and that really didn't help.

If one of you has hair like that, I'd go down the 'well mummy has that hair and she really likes it' or something along those lines.

I keep telling dd I'd far rather have her hair than mine but I'm not sure really believes me. We also pointed out loads of people on TV who had hair like this (show him Jamie Afro on X factor!) and this helped too.

[Tortington]

have you tried the " well theres nowt i can do about it darling - it's curly and curly it will remain" approach
yes direct but you have tried indirect about it - maybe the kid has to just think on it - there really is nothing mummy can do about his hair

[mazzystartled]

His dad's hair is kind of bushy! Mine is dead straight.

I did try the nothing to be done about it sorry - and its best not to worry about things you can't change - line in there too.

We'll have to see what tomorrow brings.

[Tortington]

stop rying and i'll give you chocolate?

i find it a winner

[LynetteScavo]

GHD's?

Fickle I know...sorry.

[Pollyanna]

crew cut?

(lucky him, I would love curly hair!)

[pointyhat]

curly heads love straight heads and straight heads love curly heads.

Tis the way of the world. He just has to get used to it.

[TheCrackFox]

Dh has curly hair and at 39 he still hasn't come to terms with it. Sorry. I love curly hair and was gutted that neither of our boys have curly hair.

[morningpaper]

Can't you shave it short?

[pointyhat]

yes, I have a curly haired friend like that. It's an issue over which I woudn't hesitiate to say 'get over it'.

[ja9]

oh what a shame.... i feel for you so much. my ds is 5 and has curly hair but hasn't any issues with it (yet?). lots of people comment on it and touch his hair too. although he doesn't have tight curls.

oh your poor boy being so sad. just cut it really really short i guess...?

[Tombliboobs]

One thing you can try is mentioning it to his teacher when he is not in earshot. If he is Rec/Y1 the power of circle time can often help in this situation and the teacher can do the whole everybody is different/unique/special talk. It really can help (yes put away all of your faces you cynical MNers ) When they are so young hearing it from a teacher can really help, whilst they still look up to their teacher

I had a child in my class with glasses, who hated them and was quite upset about it. We did a session about similarities, differences, what makes us unique etc and I overplayed some characteristics as things I would love. I wear glasses occasionally and I talked a lot about how much I enjoyed choosing mine, how I wished I had some new ones.

It really did work, give it another few years and the fact that the teacher likes something would be a big negative

[choccyp1g]

Is it the being praised for something that is out of his control that is upsetting him, or is he actually getting teased for being curly?

If it's the latter, then a word with the school is in order. It is effectively bullying to criticise someone's appearance.

If being petted and patted and coo'd over is the problem, you need to try and change the focus. e.g someone says "oh aren't his curls lovely". You turn it round to something like, "Yes, he is very good about washiing his hair"

Or "isn't he cute", can be changed to "it's his lovely smile that makes everyone like him" [cue horrid scowl]

[morningpaper]

Why can't you shave them off? Lots of boys have shaved heads at my DD's school.

[ja9]

tombliboobs, that's a great idea.

[mazzystartled]

Thanks everyone

I might have a word with his teacher, although I did wonder if it was the "everyone's different" thing that set him off.

He says he's not being teased, and he does seem really happy and confident re school so I believe him.

I'm not up for the really short hair thing, he's pretty tall for his age and he'd look like a proper bruiser.

Maybe it won't matter so much to him tomorrow.

[choccyp1g]

You might change your mind about the short hair if you get an outbreak of head-lice at your school.

[Tombliboobs]

'I might have a word with his teacher, although I did wonder if it was the "everyone's different" thing that set him off'

If you think it was, then probably best not to involve his teacher then. Though I would wonder if the teacher hadn't covered it fully or followed it through enough. You really wouldn't want the children feeling worse after sessions like that

[mazzystartled]

I think the teacher seems pretty sensible. Just wondered if it had made him start thinking about it.

We had nits once in nursery. Even that will not persuade me about a crew cut!

[rachyh85]

theres lots of books u might want to ask for at your library - prob wont need them for long so not much point buying them -

Jordan's hair - good

i love my hair

hair around the world

crazy hair day

theres also all kinds of people which is a swap and change flap book - you can change the childrens hair/eyes/nose/skin colour etc. you could encourage him to do this for children in his class, then for himself. its just about making him see his hair in a positive light. he will grow out of it, im sure, but little things can seem big to little ones.

hope he's happier in the morning.

[morningpaper]

Why not offer him the option of short hair? It is his hair and if it would make him happier, that would be far more important. Why doesn't he choose?