DS 2yr 9mo finds everything so difficult. Food, potty training - it is all such a slog. Is he ok?

[citybranch]

My DS 2yr 9mo lives on a diet of dry bread, crackers and yoghurts and has never eaten much else in his life (although he ate slightly more as a baby). Every mealtime is a battle and he always just ends up eating a dry slice of bread no matter how hard I try.

He has been potty training for months now and still has several accidents each day, he manages to go in the potty 50% of the time, the rest of the time he wees on the floor next to the potty. He wets himself every time we go out of the house or at nursery. If we have a day trip he wets every set of trusers I take! Yet refuses to wear a nappy in the day!

He wears a nappy at night and is completely dry! So he can hold it in for 10 hours or so.

He is very loud, very repetitive with excellent vocabulary. He cannot follow simple instructions though, most things become a battle and we have left Little kickers football not because of bad behaviour but because he just does not get anything out of it. He is more interested in going through my bag or playing with me or DH.
Generally his behaviour is OK, he is loving and bright and sleeps very well....but I just feel so worn out after yet another food battle tonight, yet again he wet himself all over me in the park, yet again he will not do anything I ask...
My DD is just 5 months and she just sits around while I battle with DS.

My friend's toddlers seem to be able to grasp things better than him.
Are some kids just like this or have I caused it? I just want him to succeed at something. Where am I going wrong?

Or has anyone else had a child like this and were they always like it?
Sorry if this does not make sense, I am just so worn out and feeling despondent.

[citybranch]

Anyone? Or are you all just like my friends, whose DCs breeze through everything...

[MunkyNuts]

Check out this thread re dinner time stress. My DS eats a very bland diet of bread, rice cakes, burgers, yogurts... after being a very good eater as a baby. He changed at 18 months as did my DD and started refusing to eat food that he used to eat before. DD is now 4 and eats a varied diet again, she started trying new things again from about age 3. DS is now 3 and just showing signs of being more interested in food and altho he hasn´t exactly expanded his menu he´s now very proud if he finishes what´s on his plate. I stopped reacting to his eating (or lack of), simply removed uneaten food with no comment and neither did I whoop for joy if he ate well. I think its a bit of a control battle going on. Another MNetter found this article which is interesting.

As for the potty training, he is still quite young so I wouldn´t be desperately worried. I know its v frustrating tho dealing with all those wet pants when you know they can go to the potty if they want to. Maybe try a step so he can go to the loo to make it more interesting, then you can heap loads of praise on him when he wees in the loo and praps kick start him into weeing in approp places again instead of pants. I shamefully bribed my DS and it really did work. He wasn´t big on the star chart system as he saw no immediate reward so I got a coathanger and dangled loads of cheap toys, sweets, stickers etc from it on cotton threads and hung it above the loo. He got to choose a toy every time he successfully went to the loo. Once this was working I eventually moved this onto a star chart and said after so many stars he´d get a small prize (cheaper than giving a prize every time) and he really got into this.

Don´t know if any of this helps, but I wish you luck I do know how frustrating it is, you will come out the other side. How do they handle potty training at nursery? Are there other children using the loo or potty there? Do the assistants take the children regularly for loo visits? If not perhaps they need to remind him to go? Does he start hopping about and fidgeting when he needs a wee?

[MunkyNuts]

Forgot to say the battles sound normal to me, its an age thing - they want to be in control (pesky blighters), if your friends´kids seem to be behaving better, just wait - they might well turn at 3, (threenagers). Don´t worry about the footie either, 2.9 is pretty young for team sports, can you take him swimming or somewhere else instead?

[MunkyNuts]

Me AGAIN!!! I just remembered another MNetter´s post about the "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk" book by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish. The Mnetter was having problems battling with her DS who is 2.9 and said this book has really made a difference. If your child is bright and articulate I think the advice in it could really help - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/837991-The-How-to-Talk-book-is-working-really-well-for. Right I´m off now, think I´ve rambled on enuff for one night!!

[MintChocAddict]

Hey Citybranch
Our DS are the same age and I can identify with a lot of what you are saying.

My DS has become quite fussy with his food recently and I agree with MunkyNuts that it's a control thing a lot of the time. My DS is a stubborn wee blighter and this has shown itself in toilet training too, although we're slowly getting there.

I also agree with Munkynuts about pre-school classes. I've signed up for and left gymnastics and football. Both a disaster. My DS doesn't want to sit in a circle, take instructions, join in songs etc. He's a noisy 2.9 year old who wants to run around and make as much noise as possible (on his terms .)
Structured classes don't suit all children and definitely not right for mine. I came to the conclusion that I wanted him to go to these classes because I thought that was the done thing and felt that I should be giving him these opportunities. I've now realised that he's too noisy, lively and independent to get anything from them and that it just results in more stress for me. Now I take him to large open spaces and let him run around like a mad thing. He's happy and I'm happy.

It's nice to know someone else has got one like mine. I know it's frustrating but please try not to worry.

[piscesmoon]

His behaviour is getting him a lot of attention. I would ignore a lot of it. Serve up a meal that you are all going to eat. If he doesn't want it let him get down. Don't comment. Don't serve anything until the next meal. He won't starve.
He is very little-probably just not ready for activities and much better with free play.
Boys especially can be slow at potty training-just take the attitude he is little and it will come.

[citybranch]

Thanks all!
MunkyNuts I will look into that book. A friend of mine said (in not so many words) that maybe he just isn't very bright! I think the problem may lie in part with me and how I deal with him. I have been quite relaxed with him in the past and maybe I should have instilled more discipline when it came to sitting at the table to eat etc.

Mintchoc my DS behaved the same way at football! All the other kids were taking part and he was totally disinterested, even though he enjoys football in the park.

[notnowbernard]

He might still be adjusting a bit to the baby?

DD1 regressed several times on the toiletting front when dd2 was born and she was about that age

[juicy12]

Chillax, as they say (shudder)! My DS was nowhere near ready to toilet train at 2.9mths. I waited till just after his 3rd birthday and it took a week. Ignore anyone who says he should be dry all the time by now. Some are, some aren't. Yours isn't. No big deal. He's really little. I know he can be dry as you said he is at night, but that doesn't mean he's ready yet to put it into practice IYSWIM. Ignore the food situation and try not to rise to it - just close the kitchen door and scream silently into a tea towel, if that helps. Your DS will not let himself starve. Your age gap is v similar to mine and we encountered various behaviours from DS when DD was born - I think that's totally normal.

[MunkyNuts]

Don´t be hard on yourself Citybranch your DS is still so young, you´ve plenty of time to work on things, do your friends all have Stepford kids or something?!

[citybranch]

Thanks guys (shuddering at 'chillax' too). My friends have girls and they just seem to be that bit quicker at grasping things. I don't think it helps either that my DS looks about 4 and people really think he should be capable of more than he is.
Had a horrible time this morning after he pooed on the floor and after the past few days I really think I may be being too hard on him. I'm going to try the coat hanger toy thing and try not to have such a downer on myself (and him!)