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I really need some advice... pretty please..

(9 Posts)
Changed4Now Fri 10-Jun-05 00:12:49

.. and have changed my name only because if for some reason xp or xp's current partner comes on this site I dont want to cause any problems.

Those regular mners will probably recognise me because of my situation. Ds has recently returned to live with me full time which is fab and all is going well.

Thing is spoke to xp about him having ds for 2 weeks in summer holiday. He wants ds for 2 weeks (great ) but he says he will not be able to take time off so will want ds to go to childminders! Thing is I dont use childminder.. xp is trying to get me to continue using her but there is no need too & ds doesnt like it there either. I also cant afford to pay childminder and xp has had it paid for but ds doesnt live with him anymore and therefore not entitled (although he is still claiming cos not sorted it all yet). I feel really peeved because:
1) ds will be really gutted if his special 2 weeks with daddy are spent at c/minders
2) I feel like he is insisting i keep c/minder when dont need one again till spet and then only for 3 months
3) I dont want to upset xp
4) I want them to have holiday time together

I think that if xp cant have time off work that he should have ds when he can get time off or perhaps a couple of long weekends. I am off for whole summer period so wont be using a c/minder myself either.

Argghh. help please

Changed4Now Fri 10-Jun-05 00:31:11

oh - and ds would be with the c/minder all day.. xp works full time

Changed4Now Fri 10-Jun-05 00:31:22

bump.. please

anchovies Fri 10-Jun-05 00:44:44

Is there no way you could speak to xp about it, perhaps just in the sense that you don't really need the childminder anymore, or perhaps just casually find out if he intends to take any holidays at all?

How far away does xp live, is there no way he could spend evenings there and days with you?

Could you suggest more weekends rather than weekdays if he can't get time off work?

What an awkward situation xxx

dot1 Fri 10-Jun-05 08:38:05

sorry - I think that's a bit strange. Why would xp be insisting on having ds for a holiday, but still be going to work?! Does xp live nearby? Could ds go to him every tea time and over night for a couple of weeks instead (as that's the only time xp would see him anyway?). Or could he book a couple of Fridays/Mondays off and ds go to him for a couple of long weekends?

It's tricky, because you don't want to appear like you're being awkward if things are only just settling down - but I think it's an odd request from xp - maybe you could argue that ds has had a fair amount of change recently so you want to keep things as settled as possible - and for him to be with as few child carers as possible for the moment?

Good luck

HappyDaddy Fri 10-Jun-05 09:57:18

What's the point in having ds to stay if he won't spend time with him? Stupid request and you should say no.

aloha Fri 10-Jun-05 10:06:57

It's ridiculous. If he can't make time for his son, then the answer has to be no. If his own mother is available and willing to care for him, why on earth would he be with a childminder. Nonsensical.
Does your ex plan to have any time off this summer? In which case, why on earth isn't he spending it with his son?

HellyBelly Fri 10-Jun-05 10:09:12

I have to agree, what's the point in spending all that time at the childminders? Waste of money in my opinion (and I'm a childminder myself)

Presume he lives far away? Can't he have him when he IS allowed time off?

Changed4Now Fri 10-Jun-05 13:24:25

Thanks for all advice, got so tired last night.. only just managed to check in. xp lives less than a mile away. C/minder same one ds used to have but since staying with me more has rarely been there and hates going there cos he doesnt enjoy it and misses his own toys and his friends and one of older boys mean to him there. Xp has had some holdiay time (actually 2 lots i think) and has been away both times with his new partner and her dd & ds. Our ds not invited as other children a lot older. He knew his dad was going on an aeroplane too sorry. So i think he has used up most of his holiday entitlement.

Thing is i am really frightened of upsetting xp incase he take ds away from me. i dont think i could bear that.

I think xp is being a bit unrealistic tbh as he wants me to continue having a childminder for ds so that when he has ds on weekends as well he can drop him to childminder mon morning instead of
1) dropping him off to me (to much trouble cos it is in wrong direction *less that a mile*)
2) dropping him off directly at school (which would mean him being late for one morning a fortnight, that is only 2 a MONTH)

The idea re me having ds during the day for xps 2 weeks with him and him collecting him after would is a good idea in theory except.. I will end up giving him his tea., ds will not want to go, xp doesnt do 'bedtime' routinie as in bath, story etc. Ds has been saying to friends parents that he doesnt get to play with his toys at all at his daddies as his daddy wont play with him.

Sorry for the rant
Argghh. I just feel to disempowered.

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