What's for lunch today? Take inspiration from Mumsnetters' tried-and-tested recipes in our Top Bananas! cookbook - now under £10Find out more
Would Jesus have used the naughty step?(71 Posts)
Trouble is, how do you get a pre schooler to calm down sufficiently to engage?? Time out is required (IMHO) to allow both the child and the parent to calm down and reflect and then talk about it.
I was brought up in a very religious household which was VERY strict. I already practice 'time out' with my 16MO if he hits / bites.
He is left alone for 1 minute and then I go to talk to him and repeat that he mustn't do that. How much of it he gets right now, I'm not sure.... But he does understand that repeated smacking his sister (2 months old) on the head will result in a time out and that's working for us.
Time out, (again IMHO) is not a punishment as such but a way for the parent to regain control of a tantruming child / situation.
Even though I use time out / naughty step (which is a naughty playpen here!), I obviously love my son more than life itself and don't bear any grudge once the time out is over...
I don't understand if you are asking a parenting question or a question about parenting with religous beliefs. You might be better off asking this in the religious/philosophy topic.
Did Jesus actually have much to do with children apart from theoretically suffering them to come unto him?
Yes he would use the naughty step imo. He sent out the money changers and turned over the tables in the temple after all.
You can engage until you are blue in the face but with some children it makes the situation worse.
I don't do naughty stepping. I do "GO TO YOUR ROOM AND DO NOT COME DOWN UNTIL YOU CAN WALK NICELY DOWN THE STAIRS WITH NO STAMPING!"
I don't think Jesus would have had much to do with children at all really.
If jesus had been female he's have used the naughty step - but he wasn't, he was a male carpenter, therefore had very little to do with children except sit them at his knee telling stories, which is IMHO very easy compared to the daily grind!
I don't think Jesus would have used the naughty step I think he would have hit them or sent them out to work, he might have been the messiah but he was also a man and a product of his time.
The softly softly 'engaging with' approach you mention just doesn't work with some children and they need more rigid boundaries.
Just because you put your child on the naughtly step, time out or whatever doesn't mean you don't forgive them or show any compassion afterwards. In our house DS goes to the naughty step to calm down and think about what he's done and then he comes back, gets a hug and the issue is forgotten about, provided it doesn't happen again.In many cases, employing this method is the only way of letting them know they've done something wrong.
You sound judgemental and bitchy about your friend's parenting techniques and how they fit in with her religious beliefs, OP. I wonder how your method of discipline would be viewed by others- or maybe they just wouldn't care.
The problem that confronts Christian families is that they not only have to show compassion and understanding towards their children: they also have to ensure that their children show the same qualities towards others. You are not fulfilling your Christian duties by letting your child behave like a spoilt brat. It isn't even particularly compassionate towards the child.
How you ensure good behaviour is going to differ from child to child. One child might respond to gentle reasoning, another child is just going to get stressed by too much talk. Dd sometimes had to be physically restrained. Do you think letting her kick her little brother unrestrained would have been the compassionate approach?
Your friends are no doubt thinking that the kindest thing they can do to their son is to make sure he knows that he has to develop socially acceptable forms of showing displeasure if he is to get on in life. I am not sure they are that far out, either.
I know one mother (non-Christian afaik) who never corrected her dd, but let her get away with rudeness and strops. She had complete freedom to show her emotions at any time without paying any attention to other people. By the age of 15, the child was socially impossible. She had no self-discipline, no friends and dropped out of school early. It was not a kind thing to do.
I don't think the OP is judgemental or bitchy.
I simply think the OP doesn't have and has never dealt with preschool children.
understanding: child is beyond reason, possibly a danger to himself and is damaging property therefore probably needs time out to chill so then he can learn some understanding that such behaviour is not appropriate.
compassion: understanding that this will probably upset the child in the short-term but long term it would be more damaging and lacking in compassion if he does not understand there are consequences to actions. Having them happen at home in a loving environment is much kinder than the child going through a trial by fire with other children and adults who do not love him.
forgiveness: All forgotten.... until the next time!
I don't think Jesus would have a problem with the concept of the naughty step. I have never used it myself but I have sent children to their rooms. Isn't it just about defusing the situation, giving the child time to calm down and consider their behaviour? What's wrong with that? I think Jesus would admire this behaviour management and being the Son of God made man, he would understand human frustrations and stresses and know that we cannot always sit calmly and try to talk to our children.
aviatrix they are christians so the maughty step is quite in keeping with God's whole attitude of punishment isn't it?
God would banish the child forever and make sure all the child's children and their children and their children after them where forever punished and knew their place.
I know all the pictures of Jesus show him as having long hair, a beard and sandals.
Nevertheless, he was a religious leader, not a hippy.
Of course he'd have used the naughty step. It's about training children to do the right thing and fit into society and grow up to be reasonable adults. Which is one of the more laudable aims of Christianity.
it's sitting on a step, FFS, not six lashes with the buckle of a belt!
I am, incidentally, NOT a Christian (or any other sort of believer.)
lol @ scummy. Jesus would probably have been the irritating fun uncle type, all treats and interesting stories and sending them back home after an hour or so. You don't need naughty steps or similar if you're the novelty outsider.
For the past two weeks, I have been using the softly softly method with my 4 yo. It has not worked, and on Monday I resorted to the naughty step - fair enough, the carpet is now nearly worn down to the threads from his little bottom, but I feel we are now getting somewhere, and the situation never gets out of hand.
Jesus would never have used the naughty step, as he was gentle, meek and mild, as for my son, he's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy
Join the discussion
Please login first.