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Can you ever tell your kids that their dad is a tw*t?

(67 Posts)
rickman Thu 09-Jun-05 19:21:24

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cod Thu 09-Jun-05 19:22:31

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Newbarnsleygirl Thu 09-Jun-05 19:24:03

My mum never said bad things about my dad and I realised myself that he is a t**t.

rickman Thu 09-Jun-05 19:24:47

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WigWamBam Thu 09-Jun-05 19:24:54

They'll work it out for themselves when they're older. If you call him a twat now they'll only resent you for it and you'll be the villain of the piece.

Pruni Thu 09-Jun-05 19:25:39

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WigWamBam Thu 09-Jun-05 19:26:53

I think you should hide as much as you can from them; it's really stressful for a child to hear the two people they love best of all at each other's throats.

kama Thu 09-Jun-05 19:27:33

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cod Thu 09-Jun-05 19:27:36

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rickman Thu 09-Jun-05 19:30:17

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marialou Thu 09-Jun-05 19:35:47

I think you should be honest with them. If he upsets you and they want to know then tell them what is going on. I had no choice but to tell my kids (well only the oldest my daughter who was 6 at the time, the 2 year old wouldn't have understood) exactly what was going on during my break up with her father. I had to tell her that he father was a paedophile and was going to prison as it was in all the local papers and on tv, and was better coming from me.

luckylady Thu 09-Jun-05 19:36:59

Rickman- could you not come to an agreement between the two of you. my xp also refuses to pay the amount of money set by the csa, so I put forward a figure and he agreed . Only you can cancell the csa claim, but you need to tell them to keep your file open so that if he starts been a twat about that too you can go back to them at anypoint.
Don't know if this will be of any help, but Ihope it will.

My DD is now 8 and starting to coplaing about her dad herself now. she does know a little of what has happened in the past between me and her dad. When she brings up things I aleways try to turn it around saying -wasn't that present nice of daddy, or get her to talk about a fun day out she has had with him. (few and far between though)

charleepeters Thu 09-Jun-05 19:37:05

i often tell dp his dads a twat if that counts

Pruni Thu 09-Jun-05 19:39:50

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PotPourri Thu 09-Jun-05 20:14:25

Keep it from them. They will 'shoot the messanger' otherwise. Just rise above it and realise that in years to come, they will thank you for the innocence you let them keep. If he really is horrid, they will see it soon enough, and turn to you, who isn't. Good luck.

rickman Thu 09-Jun-05 20:22:56

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JoolsToo Thu 09-Jun-05 20:24:28

tempting though it may be - NO!

all be revealed in the fullness of time.

Pruni Thu 09-Jun-05 20:25:56

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lilaclotus Thu 09-Jun-05 20:26:53

my SIL badmouths her dh all the time to her 2.5 year old son and i think it's awful.

Tinker Thu 09-Jun-05 21:10:10

Sadly, no.

rickman Thu 09-Jun-05 23:39:24

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hatstand Thu 09-Jun-05 23:48:38

I have lots of sympthy for you but agree with most people here - they'll resent you and ultimately it will make things a lot more complex for them. It sounds like you need a different form of outlet for your anger. Would it make you feel better if, everytime he behaved like a twat, you did somthing particularly nice for the kids. I'm not talking anything major, just the kind of nice things you do at home that he's going to miss out on - make yourself feel smug about the fact that you're the one with them, you're the one they're going to see as "always there", you're the one who can give them a random treat for no other reason than you love them. They will get it, in the end, kids aren't daft.

milge Thu 09-Jun-05 23:51:26

kids deserve their childhood, they will be adults soon enough and can judge their parents then. My mother kept quiet for years over my a*&^%$ of a dad, and now she is the winner as i have lost all love/respect for him.

Changed4Now Fri 10-Jun-05 00:23:49

I think kids look to their parents for their identity / where they come from etc iykwim. I guess if your kids thought you though their dad was a complete t~@t and hated him they may think you hate a bit of them too. Even though this so wouldnt be the case kids arent good and understanding complex situations and take things personally as the world does revolve around them in their eyes. hth and make some sense.. or i am just talking crap again.

HappyDaddy Fri 10-Jun-05 08:01:30

The only time this would be acceptable, to me, would be when they were around 16-18 or so. They are old enough to understand whatever meaning you give it at the time, then. Before that it will seem insulting and I think that's a rotten thing for kids to hear from one parent about another.

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