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The How to Talk book is working really well for me.

(13 Posts)
HumphreyCobbler Mon 05-Oct-09 20:27:45

I have posted a lot about my difficulites with ds who has been screaming and having tantrums almost constantly for the last few months.

I have found it so hard, I wasn't coping at all well and ended up shouting a lot, which obviously wasn't a brilliant idea sad

I dug out my copy and had a good read a few days ago, I am now getting a lot more sleep as DH has taken over dd during the night so am able to concentrate at last. I started trying really hard to do it last Saturday and the difference is remarkable. I'm not claiming its all perfect or anything, but my days have improved enormously. We even had a trip round the supermarket without screaming or fuss today, even the staff commented on how relaxed we were blush.

The silly thing is that I KNEW about how good this book is, I used a lot of the stuff in the classroom and have read loads of threads on here about how good it is.....so why did it take me till now to start to use it in my own family? I think I thought ds was too young, his speech wasn't good enough, or I was too bloody tired to think straight at all.

Anyway, I just thought I would mention it in case anyone else is feeling desperate. smile

FABIsInTraining Mon 05-Oct-09 20:29:37

That's great.

Bullet points to help me others??

MunkyNuts Mon 05-Oct-09 21:04:23

I too read it, thought it sounded wonderful and never really implemented it thinking DC were too young, I took it off the shelf and dusted it down a few months ago and keep meaning to read it again. Can I ask how old DD is? Very glad it´s working for you, good to hear your days are calmer, I feel inspired...

YouCantTeuchThis Mon 05-Oct-09 21:06:52

I ordered mines over a week ago and, if I have to wait any longer, poor DS may be assaulted with it instead wink

So happy to hear it works for others...gives me hope grin

Thanks for sharing your good stuff!

HumphreyCobbler Mon 05-Oct-09 21:17:15

DS is 2.9

The main things that have worked for me are

Describing what I see when it is good - really quickly before it all goes pear shaped.

Giving him his wishes in fantasy rather than just saying no.

Acknowledging his feelings "I see you are feeling very cross." This seems to stop him throwing stuff, he knows I know he is cross so there is no need.

There are loads of others, I'll get the book to remind me and come back. I bet there are some real experts on here too.

FABIsInTraining Tue 06-Oct-09 07:41:02

What does giving his wish in fantasy mean please?

FernieB Tue 06-Oct-09 07:58:20

If he says "I wish there was no school". You kind of agree and say something along of the lines of "you wish there was no school and you could play all the time". Then he might expand saying what he would do instead and you continue to fantasise about what it would be like if he got his wish until it gets ridiculous and funny.

MunkyNuts Tue 06-Oct-09 13:38:30

Oooo I am feeling inspired, had a quick try of the wish fantasy thing on the way home from school. DS2 (3yo) has been pestering me to carry him cos he´s tired and gets mad when I refuse then rants and rages all the way home, practically getting run over at every road crossing. Today when he started, I said "I wish we could fly home don´t you? Wouldn´t it be nice if we had wings?" Then DS2 snapped out of winge mode and got very excited about becoming a bird and flying home. Definitely going to re-read the book now. Thanks HumphreyCobbler for reminding me of its existence.

MunkyNuts Tue 06-Oct-09 14:23:13

Oh hang on a minute, was that me giving my wish in fantasy rather than his? Well I guess I adapted the theory a bit, but it worked!

ifinallydidit Wed 07-Oct-09 10:14:32

I'm looking for a good book on this - is "How to Talk" the full title? Who is it by? Thanks

MunkyNuts Wed 07-Oct-09 11:49:05

Hi ifinallydid it, the books full title is "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. The same authors also have a good book called "Siblings Without Rivalry" if you´re dealing with two or more.

pinkdaisy Wed 07-Oct-09 16:52:56

I am loving this thread! Have never heard of this book, but am going on the internet now to order it!!!!!
Lx

LeninGhoul Wed 07-Oct-09 16:56:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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