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anger about baby number 2

(10 Posts)
kvmum Sun 04-Oct-09 10:10:10

My other half has announced he doesn't want any more babies. We have an 8 month old who he loves dearly...so I feel shell shocked. I always imagined having two, and am going back to work four days a week soon as I imagined (note: imagined in my own head. we seem to have forgotten to talk about it properly) that I'd be having another one and would need to save up. Feel angry and bitter at the other half, and cant seem to stop bringing it up.
Me = nag nag nag.
Him = dig in heels.
He is an only child, I am a younger sister. How to handle angry feelings and not let this spoil the treasured days with baby number one - anyone been through similar? Thanks x

loler Sun 04-Oct-09 10:29:13

My dh said no way to DC2 - I gave all stuff away and resigned myself to it but always felt envious of anyone else who was pg. Didn't admit it to anyone and didn't even bother to talk through with dh.

When dd was 1 he suddenly announced that he would like another - not sure when his change of heart happened or why. We have now got 3 dc (don't even ask about ds2!).

This is only my experience and it will be different for everyone. Like you said you don't want it to spoil your time with your baby now - could you reduce your hours at work so that you get to spend as much time as possible with her? If dc2 happens worry about the money side then.

inthesticks Sun 04-Oct-09 14:12:34

At eight months the baby stage is tough. If anyone had suggested baby no 2 to us at that stage I would have run a mile.
At 14 months though things changed, we got a little sleep and it seemed a good idea.
Maybe just try to enjoy the baby for now, and bring it up again in a few months?

ConnorTraceptive Sun 04-Oct-09 14:16:48

Agree with Inthesticks, the first year is hard and there is no way I would have contemplated a second dc at this stage, in fact I was adament I didn't want anymore.

By the time ds1 turned two he was much more independant and life was at a stage where I felt ready for another child.

I'm not saying your dh will ever want a second but perhaps you could agree to "review" the idea in another 6 months or so

pigleychez Sun 04-Oct-09 16:21:32

I totally agree.
At 8mths DD wasnt sleeping through and it was tough. There was no way we were thinking on Number2!

Now DD has just turned 14mths and im 8 weeks with number 2. It does get easier and once they are up and walking, they become so much more independant. DD is such a character and adorably sweet that we just couldnt NOT have another

I think Guys can find they baby stage hard but love the interaction with a little toddler.
Dont rule it out just yet. He may very well change his mind

rubyblue Sun 04-Oct-09 16:27:29

KV Mum, you have to try and stop nagging dh. I know it's hard but you'll just back him into a corner and you've got plenty of time to think about another one. 8 months is still pretty young and agree with all the comments here that life in the first year is so tiring but does get easier. I'm still trying to persuade my dh and our ds is 20 months old now. His reservations are financial (nursery fees!) and the impact on our relationship (it was massive having the first one and we're only just back to normal). So, I guess what I've learned is that nagging (and I'm a right old nag) will not change my fellas mind but discussing it rationally and if he won't say yes, agree a time in a few months to revisit the topic.

nellynaemates Sun 04-Oct-09 23:20:07

Please leave it and talk about it in about 6 months. Things will look different then. I am desperate for number 2 now and my partner really wants a brother or sister for our son too (although probably not as soon as me) but when our son was 8 months old it was still a case of "no way, never again".

Don't nag, give it time.

sticktoyourgins Mon 05-Oct-09 06:09:06

You seem to be running ahead of yourself (and your DP). Instead of relishing baby #1 you are planning on returning to work to save for #2. Why not work a couple of days (for your sanity!) and spend the rest of your time enjoying the only baby you've got at the moment and let your DP enjoy his baby too instead of spoiling the experience with pining and nagging. It's early days - your DP could easily change his mind.

Good luck smile

whensmydayoff Mon 05-Oct-09 14:37:33

My DH didn't want anymore. DS had reflux and colic and didn't stop crying for 5 months. Then when he was nearly 2 and sooooo much easier and my DH was loving that stage he was the one who really wanted another shock! (it's easy to forget the baby stage)!
He say's definitely No Way to a third. Im not bothered what he say's now, I know it means nothing. grin
If you keep going on about it though you are going to scare the guy silly. I can't imagine what he must be thinking when your baby is only 8 months, no wonder he feels he needs to dig heels in. Back off now before you ruin it for yourself. x

lechatnoir Mon 05-Oct-09 23:58:35

My DS2 is just 3 month old & I've going through exactly the same as you with me wanting another baby (now shock) but DH saying he doesn't want any more ever .....following some very wise advice on her & in RL I have dropped the subject & will gentle broach the subject again in 6 months and if that doesn't work, try again 6 months after that! It took DH 3 years to come around the the idea of DS2 so I'm hoping the same will happen with DC3.
LCN

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