Hi all Does anyone else feel they need to be a perfect parent? My childhood wasn't the easiest and I am sometimes so afraid that my DS who is almost two will be affected. I am fiercely protective of him as I do not want him to feel any of the negative things I did as a child. I know he has to face some negative things in his life but get upset at the thought that he could ever be sad. Am I the only one?
Of course you are not the only one. But to try to be a perfect parent will destroy you.
Aim to be a 'good-enough' parent and life will be much easier.
Children need to experieince things like sadness, anger, hurt, pain etc., and it is your responsibility to allow them to experience these things in a safe secure loving environment, rather than always trying to prevent them from experiencing these things. Children need to experinence the negative too in order to learn how to deal with these things and grow into well rounded adults.
REmember, parenting is about enabling childrne to grow into well rounded adults.
Sorry, my post sounds so unsympathetic and text booky, I didn't mean it like that
Oh god actually, have just remembered the story in full, perhaps not the best example. I just remember that the prince was so sheltered from the real world and it's unfairness and misery that he was bereft with sadness upon discovering it. You can't shelter your children from the real ugly world forever so better to desensitise them a bit and build them into strong individuals who can cope in the real world and cope with sadness, pain, hurt, etc etc and still be content.
We all want to be there for our children and guide them to recognize their feelings and deal with them. Don't be scared to see your baby being sad/angry/aggressive etc... they are normal feelings for a child (in a loving and secure environment of course ). You already are a lovely mother!
The Liberated Parents Liberated children book has a chapter about this it is really good. It talks about it not being a parents job to prevent sadness etc It made me feel so much better. I am able to stay so much calmer when the kids are sad since reading that book. It is by he same people that did the How to talk to your kids will listen book.
I also have a toddler who will be two in a few months time. I can empathise with you about being fiercely protective and in an Utopian world he would never experience any hurt or unkindness. But this is reality, and he will eventually have many experiences, not all of them positive. I will not always control his world as I do now. But, I hope I will have nurtured him to be a strong resilient indiviual, who can deal with whatever comes his way, and he will always have our (his parents) support. I do not aim for perfection (a very subjective term). I despise mediocrity and aiming to be 'a good enough' parent is not for me. I aim to be 'the best I can be', and that actually is rather good indeed.
Thanx all for your comments - all very appreciated. I agree with all, especially that my role is to enable my son to be able to face sadness and problems in his life in a positive way, and to equip him with the ability to do this. Thanx again - you guys are great!! :O