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Perfection

(11 Posts)
Bensmum76 Thu 01-Oct-09 10:07:14

Hi all
Does anyone else feel they need to be a perfect parent? My childhood wasn't the easiest and I am sometimes so afraid that my DS who is almost two will be affected. I am fiercely protective of him as I do not want him to feel any of the negative things I did as a child. I know he has to face some negative things in his life but get upset at the thought that he could ever be sad.
Am I the only one?

MintyCane Thu 01-Oct-09 10:14:57

No, you are not alone I think most of us feel that way. It does get easier as they get older or you have more than one. Go and watch Finding Nemo, no really i am serious smile

JeminTheDungeon Thu 01-Oct-09 10:23:44

Hey noone is perfect- we all do the best we can. These thoughts are normal, we all have them.

Agree with Minty

overmydeadbody Thu 01-Oct-09 10:30:12

Of course you are not the only one. But to try to be a perfect parent will destroy you.

Aim to be a 'good-enough' parent and life will be much easier.

Children need to experieince things like sadness, anger, hurt, pain etc., and it is your responsibility to allow them to experience these things in a safe secure loving environment, rather than always trying to prevent them from experiencing these things. Children need to experinence the negative too in order to learn how to deal with these things and grow into well rounded adults.

REmember, parenting is about enabling childrne to grow into well rounded adults.

Sorry, my post sounds so unsympathetic and text booky, I didn't mean it like that smile

overmydeadbody Thu 01-Oct-09 10:31:58

HAve you ever read 'The Happy Prince'?

overmydeadbody Thu 01-Oct-09 10:35:32

Oh god actually, have just remembered the story in full, perhaps not the best example. I just remember that the prince was so sheltered from the real world and it's unfairness and misery that he was bereft with sadness upon discovering it. You can't shelter your children from the real ugly world forever so better to desensitise them a bit and build them into strong individuals who can cope in the real world and cope with sadness, pain, hurt, etc etc and still be content.

francagoestohollywood Thu 01-Oct-09 10:45:39

I agree with OMDB.

We all want to be there for our children and guide them to recognize their feelings and deal with them. Don't be scared to see your baby being sad/angry/aggressive etc... they are normal feelings for a child (in a loving and secure environment of course grin).
You already are a lovely mother!

JeminTheDungeon Thu 01-Oct-09 10:56:21

OMDB- put it better than I ever could- agree totally

MintyCane Thu 01-Oct-09 12:05:43

The Liberated Parents Liberated children book has a chapter about this it is really good. It talks about it not being a parents job to prevent sadness etc It made me feel so much better. I am able to stay so much calmer when the kids are sad since reading that book. smile It is by he same people that did the How to talk to your kids will listen book.

arabicabean Thu 01-Oct-09 14:53:42

Hi Bensmum,

I also have a toddler who will be two in a few months time. I can empathise with you about being fiercely protective and in an Utopian world he would never experience any hurt or unkindness. But this is reality, and he will eventually have many experiences, not all of them positive. I will not always control his world as I do now. But, I hope I will have nurtured him to be a strong resilient indiviual, who can deal with whatever comes his way, and he will always have our (his parents) support.
I do not aim for perfection (a very subjective term). I despise mediocrity and aiming to be 'a good enough' parent is not for me. I aim to be 'the best I can be', and that actually is rather good indeed.

Bensmum76 Thu 01-Oct-09 15:21:26

Thanx all for your comments - all very appreciated.
I agree with all, especially that my role is to enable my son to be able to face sadness and problems in his life in a positive way, and to equip him with the ability to do this.
Thanx again - you guys are great!! :O

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