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Please help me to decide what to do in such a state

(10 Posts)
blepy Tue 29-Sep-09 23:53:22

My ds was with the same group of classmates throughout infant school and made some good close friends.
Last year I moved ds to another schoolcloser to home when it was time to move up to the juniors, his old classmates all moved onto the junior school that was federated with his old infant school.
I gathered that ds would easily make new friends at his new school despite being the only new one in class.
Ds has made friends at his new school but they are such close friends has he had at his old infant school it doesn,t seem quite the same.
I had an inkling that he had been missing his old mates and tonight he has really upset me.
He told me tonight that he really misses his old friends and why did I have to move him.
I sort of got the idea that he was saying that I have given him an impossible task because now he is torn between staying where he is and being back with old mates.
He told me that sometimes at his current school that he looks for his old friends on the playground and then remembers they are not there.
I have studied ds on the playground at his current echool and sometimes he does seem a little lost, at his old infant school he was off like a shot with his mates.
I don,t see him interacting that much coming out of school with mates from his current school like I did at his old infant school.
Dh keeps saying that they are older now and that they are much calmer.
I am at a loss as to whether to take the gamble and put ds back with his old mates because I am worried that things will not be the same as they used to be for ds.
His old mates have now been split up into two different classes so he will not necessarily be with his most closest old friends although ds says that won,t matter as he will see them on the playground.
There is also the concern of this school not been as good as his current one which always gets glowing ofsted reports.
The school where his old mates are has had bad reports in the past but is now improving alot.
Please help me decide I am in such a state.
I would hate for it to backfire on us if I moved him.
I am so upset after our conversation tonight.
Dh says that ds will eventually have to make the break anyway when they move onto senior school.

Tortington Tue 29-Sep-09 23:57:29

senior school is such a long way away

why did you move him - and how logistically difficult would it be to get him to the other school

how long has he been at new place?

it sounds like he is happy enough - but mourning his old friends.

if he goes back it won't be the same anyway.

so i think my decision would rest on practicalities - like getting him there - dealing with other children - if appropriate - getting to work - if appropriate - etc etc.

blepy Wed 30-Sep-09 00:11:55

Cutlass I moved him because his current school is much closer to us has saved me a bomb on petrol, also it was easier to do a job I had just started because dh sometimes needs to take him to the breakfast club and it wouldn,t have been practical at the other school.
I have no other children no problems there. I can make the journey to his old school
If he is happy enough there with his old mates and it turns out nicely then I feel it will be worth the journey to and from.
He has been at his current school a year now.

Tortington Wed 30-Sep-09 00:15:29

if you move him back the dynamic just won't be there.

leave as is IMO

Tortington Wed 30-Sep-09 00:15:53

think about playdates and afterschool activities with some old mates.

blepy Wed 30-Sep-09 00:16:54

Your exactly right I think he is sort of happy enough but missing old friends dreafully.
I don,t think he would miss any current friends like his old ones.
What the hell do I do.
Should I take the plunge.

blepy Wed 30-Sep-09 00:21:01

I have done that cutlass but have wondered if it just makes him miss them more.
Also there is one friend in particular who he is very fond of and I have tried my utter best to keep them in touch.
However sadly this old mates mom doesn,t seem bothered about keeping them in otuch anymore.
I know that this lack of contact has hit ds more than anything.

I moved schools at age 7 years and did find it a little difficult, and yes I issed my old friends. It was fine in the end though, as when i left that school and went to seniors, a lot of my "new " friends went to a different school. If you moved him back, in a year a lot can happen and its unlikely to be the same TBH.
He'll be ok Im sure, maybe he just needs more time. HTH

JeffVadar Wed 30-Sep-09 09:26:10

I agree with the others; it would be a bad move to go back now I think.

It's so upsetting when they are sad, but this is one of those things in life that happen, and people have to learn to deal with them in a positive way; as he is little he needs you to show him how.

I think the best help for your DS is for you to take the lead and 'big up' his new school by focusing on all the good bits, invite new friends round etc. Don't show him that you are wavering about sending him back!

My DS's best friend moved away when they were 9, and it broke both their hearts sad; and it took his friend about 18 months to really get settled, but he did find a new best friend and all was well.

Your DS will, I'm sure, be fine in the end. I hope that it happens soon for him.

TheMightyToosh Wed 30-Sep-09 09:35:18

I agree - don't move him back, as the others will have moved on and it won't be the same, and in the long run, better for him to be at the better school (which is the one he's at now, if I've understood your post right?).

I moved schools at age 11. It was hard, but in time it got easier and I made some great friends.

He might just need a little more time to get over it.

Can you still help him keep in touch with his old friends outside of school?

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