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Tell me about your 4 year age gap

(15 Posts)
TwoManyFallsAndYouGetABadScore Tue 29-Sep-09 16:01:24

DC2 due at the beginning of March, DD will be 3.10 months. Lots of my friends have 2 year age gaps between their DCs and I can see how well they play together (and argue too however).

I am wondering what kind of relationship my two will have with a 4 year age gap - is it too big for them ever to really play together?

Just not sure what to expect really.

ladyhelen2 Tue 29-Sep-09 16:04:51

I have exactly this age gap with my 2 boys. DC2 is now coming up to 5 months and so far its pretty good. You don't (generally) have to worry about no1 child doing anything dangerous while you are dealing with baby as in putting fingers in sockets etc. DS1 adores his baby brother and vice versa. So for the baby stage, its all good , and probably a lot easier than for those with 2 year olds and newborns. I await with interest the next stage!

TwoManyFallsAndYouGetABadScore Tue 29-Sep-09 16:06:55

I am hoping the baby bit will be easier ladyhelen - my friends with 2 year age gaps found the newborn bit really stressful. Good to hear that 5 months in its going well!

GrapefruitMoon Tue 29-Sep-09 16:10:38

It's all down to personalties really - there is a 4 yr age gap between me and my sister and we were not that close as children - probably partly because there was another sister 2.5 yrs later and the two younger ones were close iyswim. (All get on fine now though...)

On the other hand, I have a 4 yr gap between dd and ds1 and they get on well - had lots of fun swimming & cycling together on holidays, for example, and dd also gets on well with ds2 (7 yrs younger).

BitOfFun Tue 29-Sep-09 16:11:53

I have four years between my girls. It is a pretty good gap and avoids jealousy IME. I don't think I have ever had to intervene in a fight, and the older one can keep the younger one amused. The gap is big enough for the older one to feel protective rather than competitive.

TennisFan Tue 29-Sep-09 16:13:55

My DC are exactly 4 years apart - to be honest it doesn't work great in our house yet. Oldest DS (10) isn't patient enough and is easily iritated and 'wound up' by younger DD(6) who gets into his room, hides his stuff and wants to hang out with all his friends when they come over after school.

I am hoping it will get better as they get older.

Denny185 Tue 29-Sep-09 16:14:23

DD1 and DS 4 year age gap, love it, like having first child all over again. DS and DD2 18 month gap, really hard work. Dosent matter which one of the girls he's with DS fights with everyone!

fruitshootsandheaves Tue 29-Sep-09 16:16:50

I have a four year gap between dd2(12) and ds2(8) they play quite nicely together most of the time but ds2 prefers to play with ds1 who is 6 years older and they nearly always end up arguing, maybe its a boy thing!

dingdong3 Tue 29-Sep-09 16:17:43

I had a slightly bigger gap - 4.8 months. It's great from the point of view that you can get some help from the older sibling and they are old enough to talk to you if feeling left out. Also, way easier to amuse older one when busy with younger. (also get to spend quality time with DC2 with DC1 at nursery)
It will depend on sex of DC2 DS loved that his siblings were sisters (twins) - they weren't going to nick his toys! We made a big play on that one. He may have felt more threatened if it had been 2 DS's but then again, may have ended up closer to a DS in longer term.
10 months on, all's great - he's so gentle with them and when I visit friends with 2 year age gaps I praise the lord it's not me coz I would be at the end of my tether with what some of them have to put up with!!!
PS big age gaps between me and my siblings. We didn't really hang out together or socialise as kids or teenagers but are really close now as adults. I do remember my older sisters being really protective of me tho.

Wheelybug Tue 29-Sep-09 16:20:57

I have a 4.1 age gap - 2 DD's. Early days yet as dd2 is only 6 months but so far so very good.

I intended a much smaller gap but nature had other ideas and I'm so pleased with the way its worked out.

DD1 dotes on DD2 - we've never (so far !) had any jealousy and she'd do anything for her. She was desperate for a sibling by the time DD2 came along so that helped ! DD2 thinks DD1 is wonderful too but I guess she would at any age. They really seem like close friends already. DD1 is currently reading books to DD2.

Also DD1 is pretty independent so makes things easier. I can put DD2 to bed whilst DD1 watches television amuses herself.

DD1 has also just started school (and was at pre-school before that) so I have one on one time wiht dd2 and can do all the things I did with dd1 (but have had a break from them so I don't feel too jaded about it).

I really hope their friendship continues. I guess we'll have issues at 12 and 16 or something when dd2 is trying to nick dd1's make up/clothes/scrumpy.


IsThisNameTaken Tue 29-Sep-09 16:24:15

I have a 4 year age gap almost to the day. DD (6.5) and DS(2.5) started to play together about 6 months ago. Obviously, DD decides what they do all the time but luckily DS is Ok with that and doesn't mind endless games of babies and Sylvanians ...!

mwff Tue 29-Sep-09 16:27:50

prolly be long...

was "easy" in practical terms early on as dd1 was fairly capable at doing things for herself etc. and we had plenty of mum/baby time when she was at school. but was tricky emotionally because she'd had 4 years to get used to being an only and felt very pushed out - although she was at least old enough to be able to tell us instead of acting out against dd2 as i imagine a toddler might do.

so we had quite a lot of difficult behaviour from dd1 while dd2 was a baby. dd1 seems to have matured a lot recently (now 6) and her behaviour has come on in leaps and bounds, but now it's dd2's turn to be a little horror! she goads her sister, pinches, bites, pulls hair etc. and dd1 is moved occasionally to respond in kind.

so it's not a bed of roses - but there is an up side - they do play together increasingly, and in their own ways i believe they really care deeply for each other. dd1 loves having a playmate, someone she's allowed to boss around, and dd2 really looks up to her sister, copies everything she does and asks about her constantly while she's not around.

so swings/roundabouts, but i'm no believer in an ideal age gap, sooo much depends on personalities and you just have to cope as best you can with the hand you're dealt.

Aranea Tue 29-Sep-09 16:31:39

We've got exactly the same age gap between our two girls and so far it is lovely. Dd2 is now 11 months old and thinks her big sister is the most thrilling person on the planet. Dd1 adores her too and plays with her and is delighted by each developmental achievement. So far the only downside really is that dd2 misses dd1 while she is at school!

timmette Tue 29-Sep-09 16:41:05

There are 4 years between my sis and I and we are best friends - and she is younger and the bossy boots. We were pretty good friends all the time apart from a couple of years as teenagers and then she caught up again.

My ds will be 3.9 when ds number 2 is born in December and I think it will be easier in at least he is independent, appreciates he has to wait sometimes before I can do things with him, and is eagerly awaiting his brother and tells me he will teach him to walk and talk etc.

TwoManyFallsAndYouGetABadScore Tue 29-Sep-09 16:47:33

Thank you everyone, its been reassuring to know that for most of you, its a good age gap (although I know a lot depends on personalities).

I just couldn't have coped with a smaller gap because DD was such a nightmare sleeper I was exhausted all the time. I now feel ready to do it all again with a new baby and DD is sooooo excited about having a brother or sister (would prefer a sister but has assured me she won't cry if its a brother grin). We are trying to involve her as much as we can.

Hope it gets better soon in your house tennisfan.

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