i STILL don't feel like a parent

[warthog]

dd1 is 3.5, dd2 is 1. dh wants another. i don't. i still feel as clueless and at sea as i did on day 1.

i read threads about problems with older kids and my heart sinks, because really, deep deep down i know that in 10 years time i'll feel the same.

but there's no going back and i just need to cope with being a parent now. i don't think i'm doing anything wrong particularly, beyond the norm that is. it's just my identity of being a mum doesn't seem to suit me.

we had kids straight after we got married which was very soon after we started going out. i feel like i had a life, everything was great, and now my world is upside down.

i did have pnd after dd1, and tbh, i still feel like i'm in those doldrums except i'm not depressed anymore. i'm bored and overwhelmed at the same time.

i have a life and hobbies so it's not a case of a trite 'get a life mate'. it's WHO I AM. i don't want to be responsible for littlies and wipe noses. i'm stuck in groundhog day.

any wise words out there?

[colditz]

Well, if dh is so keen on another, how about backing off a wee bit from the ones you already have with him, and leaving him to do some of the daily -drudgery-- day-to-day parentng?

[colditz]

PS the ages you have are V hard work - it gets better.

[warthog]

thanks for the kind words colditz.

dh is very good - he gives them breakfast before he goes to work and he helps me put the older one to bed if she's still up when he gets home. i think he is aware of how much work kids are. housework-wise, he isn't really interested but will do some.
i can't complain about his level of involvement.

WHEN does it get better? because my 3.5 yo is awfully hard work. worse than when she was a toddler.

there's school to look forward to, and all the stresses with friendships, parties, school gates, school reports, the list goes on and my heart sinks.

i didn't cope well as a kid and i think i'm reliving my childhood!

[colditz]

no no no no no.

School makes life BETTER

You can say "What would Mrs X think if she saw a big girl like you doing that? I might ring her and tell her....."

[warthog]

well i don't have any other choice than to carry on! so i'll live in hope that one day my children will eat their food without whining, put on their clothes themselves, happily, and go to school with a spring in their step and not cling to my leg piteously.

[GothMummy]

Warthog, I think sometimes we all feel absolutely sick to death of looking after under 4s and I certainly have days/weeks where I want to run away from it all, so I think with the ages you have, its perhaps just a normal feeling that will pass as things get easier?

I often feel sooooo bored with the daily tasks. Singing 5 little ducks and making playdoh. Wiping faces and taking to the toilet again and again. On a good day Im super mum, making flapjacks, playing in the park and loving it, more often I do it like any other job - to the best of my ability, but obviously theres other things I would rather be doing. It helps to have a "clocking off time" when children are in bed - so like with any other job - I can do stuff that is for me.

[warthog]

true gothmummy. my trouble is clocking off time isn't nearly long enough!