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Has anyone ever had a child under the age of eight talk about suicide?

(28 Posts)
nicnak01 Fri 25-Sep-09 22:29:36

I'm actually praying that a hundred message appear saying of course all the time.

VulpusinaWilfsuit Fri 25-Sep-09 22:31:17

Not suicide in any detail, but I really don't think it is uncommon for kids around this age to say 'I might as well not be alive for all you care' type things, because they've picked the phrase up somewhere and realise how much it can hurt you.

But anything more detailed or specific than that and I'd be getting some advice from a professional...

LatinDAISYcal Fri 25-Sep-09 22:40:46

Agree with Vulpus; my DS1 (7) has said I'd be better off dead/I'll kill myself/I don't want to be alive over various things. I know he doesn't mean it and doesn't have much of an inkling of what he is saying; it's just something he says that he knows will get a reaction.

I'm hoping that the circumstances you're hearing it in are similar.

nicnak01 Fri 25-Sep-09 22:47:16

No this was "I think about going under the water in the bath and breathing in" and I said "like a mermaid" to which she said no so I can go to heaven like grandad because I don't feel like i belong here. And now a few weeks later we are watching an audition program and she said I would kill myself if I didn't get that part, and she talked bath again. We then had a long discussion about her feeling sad and she told me she thumps herself on her head (she showed me she really hit herself) to make other laugh. "I make everyone happy but me" followed by lots of crying and wishing she could be like Hannah montanah so everyone in the world would think she was special.
I feel like a failure, I a big cuddler and always tell her i'm proud but this I don't know what to do.

LatinDAISYcal Fri 25-Sep-09 22:51:37

Sounds a bit worrying sad, and I'm afraid a bit out of my depth. Has she been getting bullied at school or something? Is there a counsellor at school you can talk to? or a sympathetic GP?

VulpusinaWilfsuit Fri 25-Sep-09 22:52:22

Did her grandad die recently? I'm no expert and would suggest you talk to someone who is. A GP? Or counsellor? Or Parentline or similar support network professional?

It does sound like she is pretty sad.

LatinDAISYcal Fri 25-Sep-09 22:52:57

Please don't feel a failure though; there will be something at the bottom of this and I'm sure cuddles will be just what she needs from you until she can tell you what's going on.

nicnak01 Fri 25-Sep-09 23:02:15

She has a stict teacher (who shouts all the time) this year and is really worried about dropping down a set in maths so I am thinking about asking the school to help me find help for her but wasn't sure if I was over reacting or would you go staight to a GP

LatinDAISYcal Fri 25-Sep-09 23:07:07

If you think the school will help, then try the school, but I'd maybe also see the GP so that you are getting as much support for her as possible, and also can say to the school that you are so concerned about her that you are seeing the GP as well.

Poor thing; 7 year olds shouldn't be scared of teachers/dropping a set sad

nicnak01 Fri 25-Sep-09 23:07:35

Grandad died three years ago and it really did affect her then she was obsessed about seeing him, building rocket to get to heaven becoming an angel but then she went the other way quite afraid of being an angel and mummy dying. She still gets sad he isn't here but only round his birthday which is spooky because although we talk about him in general we don't do anything on that day.

nicnak01 Fri 25-Sep-09 23:10:07

Her teacher even scares me it makes me wonder why she even wants to teach when she doesn't seem to get anything out of it but a sore throat and high blood preassure

scroobiuspirate Fri 25-Sep-09 23:14:34

I can only talk of my experience.
Firstly, I want to offer you a big hug, becuase hearing that from your dd must have been devastating.

my dd mentioned this a few times at age 5 1/2, becuase of her dad messing her life up. 'I might as well be dead mummy, becuase he doesn't love me'

Her's was said in despair, and lack of self worth. maybe this is what your dd is going thru. She may, have depression, or be having obviously depressing thoughts as escapism out of the tough time she's having. Like it's all getting mixed up for her.

keep talking to her, and try to fix the things. I imagine the teacher is not helping.

I was mortified that my dd wanted to 'die', becuase of what her dad was doing, and also becuase I have had depression all my life, and i thought i must have passed it on to her.

overthehill Fri 25-Sep-09 23:14:46

We've had this for years, unfortunately. When my ds was 7 I fought with him for ages as he kept trying to grab sharp knives and other sharp objects as he wanted to hurt himself and he will often bang his head on a hard surface if angry. Once when he was in Year 2 I had the headteacher phone me and ask me to take him home for the afternoon as he had completely lost it and was just lying on the floor and saying he'd rather be dead etc etc., which I think they thought was pretty worrying.

On another occasion when he was 8 he threatened to strangle himself with a tie and the very worst was last year when he was just nine where he lost it completely and I spent an hour trying to stop him harming himself (he has a children's tool box but with proper tools) and then when I finally managed to contact a neighbour and bring her in to help he locked himself in the bathroom and was threatening to hurt himself with a pair of scissors. He refused to come out and I was so terrified about all the possible dangers I ended up calling 999. He did eventually come out and calm down but that must have been the worst day of my life. Then and on other occasions he says how the world would be a better place without him and it's heart-rending.

Thankfully things have been somewhat less awful for the last year the majority of the time and we've done things like hide the toolbox and loosen the locks on the doors so they can be opened by a grown up pushing against them, but he often runs off and stays out for an hour or more when he's angry and I'm really worried that he'll jump into the river or something. It's always worst when he's over-tired and I'm actually dreading next week as he's gone away for the weekend with a group he's in after just coming back from a school residential week (only recently realised the two were back to back and he was determined to go to both).

Is your dd very bright or a bit of a social misfit in some way, which means she's maybe bullied at school? Forgive me if that's not the case but my ds doesn't really fit in, gets teased a lot and I think feels very lonely at times, which must contribute to his low self-esteem.

I did speak to my GP after the incident last year and he referred ds to the CAMHS team (Children and Adolescent Mental Health Support, I think), which was helpful, and maybe that's what your dd and you need.

scroobiuspirate Fri 25-Sep-09 23:15:29

I htink i would be going striaght to the head, to discuss the teacher's attitude too.

scroobiuspirate Fri 25-Sep-09 23:17:08

overthehill, have you had any outcome, or diagnosis? That's very upsetting sad

nicnak01 Fri 25-Sep-09 23:27:33

Wow Overthehill how did you cope! I'm in tears cause she was sad don't know how I would carry on if she actually attempted something.

If you meet her you would think she was confident and never stops talking. She has quite a few friends so I'm quite confident she isn't being bullied by the children but can't say the same about the teacher. She is in top sets but she is a real perfectionist, and thinks every little detail though. I never really know what she is thinking

nicnak01 Fri 25-Sep-09 23:30:23

Thanks you scroobiuspirate for the hug. In the back of my mind I am thinking is this me
as I have had patches of depression

scroobiuspirate Fri 25-Sep-09 23:31:10

nicnak, she sounds very bright, chatty etc and quite like my dd.

My dd is very emotionally 'aware' yet still a child, which really doesn't bode well when there is upset.

scroobiuspirate Fri 25-Sep-09 23:32:27

well, depression is highly linked to being very aware, open and big hearted.

It also makes you hard on yourself.

nicnak01 Fri 25-Sep-09 23:35:17

scroobiuspirate do you every people say to you "she's like a liitle old lady" or "wise beyond her years" I have people say this all the time about her as she talked from a very young age. I know your think I am a donut but what does DD stand for is it Darling Daughter

nicnak01 Fri 25-Sep-09 23:39:22

Thanks everyone off down the school on Monday to see what they suggest.

scroobiuspirate Fri 25-Sep-09 23:42:47

oh yes, i do get that. she says so much that is beyond her years.

as did I!!!

To be honest, i would celebrate her uniqueness, encourage her to be opne, and try and sort out some of the problmes which are too 'heavy' for her. The school work, the teacher.

Not sure a gp would help, but may think about directing you to some support?

i'll 'speak to you soon' . Don't get too down, as she'l pick it up. I may just be a phase, of adjustment etc...

overthehill Sat 26-Sep-09 00:23:08

Scroobiuspirate, thanks for your concern. I think the comments made about children being wise beyond their years ring true for my ds too and that's why he often feels like a fish out of water. When he had the big do in Year 2 one of the teachers said he thought he would probably "grow into" himself as his intellectual maturity far outweighs his emotional maturity and a lot of the time he is much better and I think (hope) that may be happening. Dh has also suffered from depression, however, and I did wonder if it was that. He's been discharged from CAMHS for now as things are more stable, but they spoke to me and dh rather than ds as he was adamant that he only wanted me to help and didn't want to talk to outsiders (which also made me feel like crying).

Niknak, I'm glad your dd has good friends as it's very important. I'd not read the bit about your dd's teacher when I posted and I think that's appalling. She sounds like a far worse bully than any child and should be lynched!angryangry My ds has been lucky enough to have some great teachers and I think that's really helped, but he doesn't do himself any favours with the other children by not wanting to conform, so gets his (long) hair pulled, called gay etc.sad

cory Sat 26-Sep-09 16:15:08

Ds had a bad shock when he found out (aged 6) that his beloved swimming instructor had just been murdered by her boyfriend sad

In the wake of that, we did have some quite worrying language about wanting to hurt people or kill himself. At one stage he even got up and made for a top floor window. I don't suppose he would have thrown himself out...but it was still very upsetting. He was also self-harming. I did my best for him; I taught him how to take out his feelings by beating up the bedclothes, and I gave him a special password that he could use when he needed me to come away with him so he could talk.

He is now 9 and has not grown up with any worrying tendencies. He is going through a bad patch atm, as has recently been diagnosed with a potentially disabling joint condition+ his joints are deteriorating, and he is quite angry, but I haven't seen any signs of self-harm or wanting to die.

3littlefrogs Sat 26-Sep-09 16:17:33

Please talk to your GP about seeing a psychologist and getting some help. Children do get depressed and I don't think you should assume she doesn't need help.

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