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Leaving your wailing DC at nursery goes against the maternal instinct rather, doesn't it?

(37 Posts)
notnowbernard Wed 23-Sep-09 13:34:28

sad

Hope it doesn't carry on for much longer...

notnowbernard Wed 23-Sep-09 14:04:23

I shall continue to weep quietly into my hankerchief, alone...

Meglet Wed 23-Sep-09 14:06:14

It does, but in reality I found it not too bad after the first time.

Are the staff nice and does your DC get cuddles from them?

tvaerialmagpiebin Wed 23-Sep-09 14:08:20

Sorry you have had a bad time.
I help out at ds's playgroup and I am glad because I get proof that even the most upset child really is happy, a few minutes after the parent has left. Hopefully your nursery staff are nice too and cuddle upset dcs.

It is often wose for mummies. DS has gone to his dad's for 2 nights (usually only 1) and I am distraught (hence on MN distracting myself).

Hope your LO is OK when you go to fetch.

notnowbernard Wed 23-Sep-09 14:09:20

Hello and thankyou for replying grin

This is day 2 of wailing (1st 4 days were cheerful waving goodbye. Honeymoon period?)

The staff are lovely and are tactile with the children. DD seems to like 2 in particular

notnowbernard Wed 23-Sep-09 14:10:28

Lanky that is reassuring

penona Wed 23-Sep-09 14:12:13

I have twins. DD wailed first 3 mornings, DS fine, then they swapped over. Next week maybe neither will wail or both will?

Its awful isn't it. My pre-school rang me each day to say they had quickly settled. When I collect them they look v happy.

Not a nice feeling though. I think I cried for longer than they did!

stealthsquiggle Wed 23-Sep-09 14:13:20

It does (go against instinct). I recommend the hovering out of sight but within earshot in order to reassure yourself that they do indeed stop wailing after ~30 seconds (well, give it 2 minutes, max).

..and honeymoon period is not uncommon. The novelty wears off and they suddenly realise that this is going to be the norm from now on in - and decide they are not sure they were adequately consulted about that.

ben5 Wed 23-Sep-09 14:15:06

ds2 has been a nigtmare at leaving but staff have been great. they gave him cuddles and fun things to do,weather it building bricks,colouring or playing tractors!! they found things he enjoyed and he soon forgot about me!! think i need more tissues!!!!!!!! but then i can do housework and a food shop without him being around and spend abit of time with ds1 after school!!

notnowbernard Wed 23-Sep-09 14:18:06

I know she settles soon after because I phone to check. The staff really are great, and I know loads of parents with DC there who also have fab experiences of the place

I just wanted to run back in though after they extrated her from my limbs sad

tvaerialmagpiebin Wed 23-Sep-09 14:25:00

Sending most un-MNlike hugs to you.

Is she OK on the way there? I find that dcs are often fine until the moment of departure. You said she really likes 2 of the staff, can you "big them up" to her, tell her X and Y are really looking forward to playing with her. Can she take a favourite teddy to look after her? Can you keep really really positive and try not to show that these departures upset you, dcs pick up on stuff so easily.

Sorry if you already do all this. Just what I have seen playgroup staff suggest.

tvaerialmagpiebin Wed 23-Sep-09 14:25:25

P.S. Cake and choc for you.

HeadFairy Wed 23-Sep-09 14:29:56

It is really hard, ds started wailing when I dropped him at the cm, despite having been going to her for over a year... it was just a phase, he's stopped now.

I did read a really nice article by Saint Tanya Byron about how it's a really important lesson for children to learn, that mummy or daddy has to go and leave them, and they will be upset (the dc that is) but that they will see mummy and daddy again at the end of the day. She also said how important it was for children to learn to deal with upsets, to become emotionally resiliant, but she was responding to a woman who was so traumatised at leaving her ds at nursery, she used to sit outside the window and wave in to him all day to reassure him.

notnowbernard Wed 23-Sep-09 14:34:52

Thankyou all this is very helpful and making me a bit teary blush

Lanky I will do the things you have suggested. She starts to get funny about it on the way there. At other times speaks really positively about it

I do love Tanya Byron grin

stealthsquiggle Wed 23-Sep-09 14:38:12

Having a bear/other animal to "look after" certainly helped both my DC as they would project their uncertainty on to the animal instead.

HeadFairy Wed 23-Sep-09 14:39:36

notnowbernard, one thing I've found that helps is to keep ds continuously informed.. I tell him at least ten times every morning "we're going to get dressed now and go to cm... we're going to the cm in ten minutes.... come on sweetie, we're off to the cm now...." and all the way there I tell him that's where we're going, that I'm going to work, and that daddy will collect him in the evening and I'll see him in time for a bedtime kiss. It seems to really help.

tvaerialmagpiebin Wed 23-Sep-09 14:41:28

Yes, many the dc whose bear is crying, not them, oh dear no.

Also many the bear abandoned in favour of the sandpit/playdough/trains.

At ds's playgroup this week they are having "custard exploring" i.e. value tinned custard in a big tray with hands in playing. Staff say this is called "encountering textures", helper mummies say "bugger to wash up"

notnowbernard Wed 23-Sep-09 14:44:04

Might try taking her 'special' cuddly toy (Heaven forbid we lose it though shock)

stealthsquiggle Wed 23-Sep-09 14:50:38

Be brave, notnowbernard (and minibernard's cuddly toy). Nursery staff are good at caring for furry support staff, and we have yet (with a combined ~7 years at nursery between 2 DC) to permanently lose an animal (we did get as far as 'wanted' posters before Piglet turned up once)

MrsMerryHenry Wed 23-Sep-09 14:52:57

It's so hard, that childcare thing, isn't it? DS went to CM from age 1 and then nursery from 18 mos (which was younger than I wanted but circumstances changed so we had no choice). Both times I felt it was not great for him to be away from me at such a young age, and both times I know he cried a lot and had fun a lot. Though I agree with Saint Tanya I do think that only applies after a certain age - I used to think perhaps age 2 but now (having an almost-3 yo) I am starting to agree with the specialists who say 3 is the optimal age.

But what can we do? Life is so expensive in the UK, most families rely on two incomes. Unless we're very lucky our society is structured in such a way that having grandparents/ other relatives as regular carers is more the exception than the rule. I am not an envious person at all, except when it comes to the friends of mine whose mothers are both alive and help out regularly with the childcare (my mum's the Granny in Heaven).

So modern life compels us into this situation where no matter what decision we make regarding work/ family, we and our children suffer.

Oh, to be born into old money.

MrsMerryHenry Wed 23-Sep-09 14:53:27

oh, and hugs to bernard.

<<squeeeeeze>>

notnowbernard Wed 23-Sep-09 14:53:41

Thankyou, I really appreciate the kind words smile

SO wasn't expecting this after DC1, who skipped in and never looked back (EVER) and the initial good start with baby little dd2!

notnowbernard Wed 23-Sep-09 14:54:54

She is 3, btw

So I know being at nursery is a good thing...

tvaerialmagpiebin Wed 23-Sep-09 14:55:40

Love your name btw notnowbernard. That is such an ace book. I can hear Joyce Grenfell saying it, can't you?

notnowbernard Wed 23-Sep-09 14:57:28

Yes, it's a fab book, isn't it? It was dd1's fave at the time I joined MN, so it was an inspired choice grin

Was JG that 1950's children's TV woman?

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