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What was the deciding factors on the number of children you stop at?

(67 Posts)
bacon Tue 22-Sep-09 23:26:42

I have two lovely boys, 4yrs and 5 months. I am now 38. I would be sad to think that I am now passed it. I am 50/50 on trying for another and hubby is more against it because he thinks I'll be too old in a couple of years time (he is 5yrs younger than me). I am not worried about conceiving as I caught quick with both.

Surely in this world of global warming and general economics surely 2 is enough?

On the other hand shouldnt we push to do as much as possible and we are only young once.

But do we want to be with young children when we are nearing 50? or should we be getting free from them.

At the mo, I generally bring the children up myself as hubby works and isnt much of a home bird. I do love being around my children but can I face doing it again. I am being greedy?

Surely there must be many couples going through the same thoughts or have been though this and have come to strong mutual agreements?????

emkana Tue 22-Sep-09 23:28:25

Hi, just wanted to express my sympathy, I have three but I'm debating with myself whether to have a fourth. shock So many good reasons not to do it, but so much longing for another baby...

ellenjames Tue 22-Sep-09 23:31:09

we stopped at 3. Was supposed to be only 2! But fell pregnant withds2, who was a lovely suprise! dh has had a vasectomy as he has 2 children from previous relationship, and we both feel strongly that finance is a big factor! Plus i had horrendous pnd after ds2. everyone is different you have to do whats right for you! Good luck x

YouLukaStunning Tue 22-Sep-09 23:31:11

My deciding factors were to do with not being able to cope with another pregnancy or the possibility of losing another baby.

I would go on and on having babies if only they were handed to me as newborns.

Broodiness is shit!

Plonker Tue 22-Sep-09 23:35:24

My deciding factor was dh.

He wanted one - I wanted four.

We have three ...so I guess I won wink

I seriously doubt that I could cope with 4 though, and I am very pleased to report that all broodiness has disappeared grin

Doozle Tue 22-Sep-09 23:36:10

I'm stopping at one. Reasons are don't want to go through pregnancy and baby stage again, plus had PND. That doesn't stop the pangs coming every now and then though! We talked about these pangs recently in the One Child Families topic actually.

But overall I guess just don't really want another.

cheesesarnie Tue 22-Sep-09 23:42:54

we wanted 4 but stopped at 3 because after 3 cs was told it was a bad idea(plus complications with 3rd).i was devestated for 3 years.now i couldnt imagine how on earth id cope with a 4th!i know people do-im one of 4,dh is one of 6,but my 3 are hard work!

TrinityRhino Tue 22-Sep-09 23:46:49

Message withdrawn

TrinityRhino Tue 22-Sep-09 23:52:49

I have reported it, I'm sorry

twirlymum Wed 23-Sep-09 00:00:02

Trinity, I don't know you, but I have read lots of your posts. I am so sorry, words are not enough......

lockets Wed 23-Sep-09 00:01:01

Message withdrawn

TrinityRhino Wed 23-Sep-09 00:01:32

thankyou twirly but I need to stop posting such things

TrinityRhino Wed 23-Sep-09 00:04:37

thanks lockets

lockets Wed 23-Sep-09 00:06:05

Message withdrawn

cheesesarnie Wed 23-Sep-09 00:06:59

why have you reported yourself?
you answered the post.you answered honestly and bravely!

it puts things into perspective.

the only reason i got over not having a 4th is because 1 sister had a miscarriage and 1 found out she couldnt have dc.i felt greedy,it put it into perscpective just how lucky i am!

TrinityRhino Wed 23-Sep-09 00:09:55

but its depressing and harsh on a thread that isn;t about that

also I dont want to make people feel awkward

you are right I post as I am talking

quickly and without thinking at the mo
but I need to think first

Plonker Wed 23-Sep-09 00:11:05

Trinity, I'm so sorry sad

cheesesarnie Wed 23-Sep-09 00:11:22

i dont think.i say bollocks then think.

IrritableGrizzly Wed 23-Sep-09 14:14:30

I always thought I'd want big family, but have two boys and am sticking with them! Reasons are..

find it very hard to give them both enough attention, and as I am one of four siblings I'm very aware of feeling left out and ignored. With 2 I know it will get easier as they get older, but can't imagine adding another one to the mix and starting all over again

we live abroad and they have to go to international school - expensive for one child, drastic lifestyle change for two, living in your car eating pot noodle for three..

pagwatch Wed 23-Sep-09 14:19:02

Oh Trinity. I too am so very sorry.

We had always wanted many children. We had DS1 and then waited a while before we had DS2. Within 2 years he had been diagnosed with severe SN and we were struggling for a while.
Eventually the world seemed brighter and more positive and we decided to have a try for a final baby. We decided to try for 6 months and if nothing happened we would call it quits and DH would have the snip.
I got pregnant almost imediately and we had DD who is just 7.

By then I was 41 and 3rd pregnancy was the hardest so we really were done.
I am so happy though that we tried for DD. She really has felt like we are now complete. And any more ( I now realise) would have been too much when also trying to give DS2 enough support.

Flibbertyjibbet Wed 23-Sep-09 14:27:17

I knew the second that ds2 was put in my arms that I had my children and I've never had a second thought about whether I should have had another.

The fact that I was 42 and 43 when I had them after giving up trying at 40 probably helped.

Mil calls them my 'buses' because we waited for so long then two came at once grin

ShowOfHandsInEpistolaryForm Wed 23-Sep-09 14:31:35

We have one.

I cannot bear the thought of childbirth, the baby stage or the anxiety. I do want more children though and we're thinking about adoption.

Scorps Wed 23-Sep-09 14:32:02

I am pg with dc4, our last baby. I am 24, DH 27 tomorrow. We are stopping at 4 because 4 is what i always wanted (DH would have been happy with 2 really grin), we can happily afford 4 and still go on holiday. Also i am not doign this again as DH has cheated on me in this pg and i will not feel so vunerable ever again.

When dd2 is born, we will have 2 boys and 2 girls = lovely. I want to move on with life a bit, get a PT job, finish my degree, and go clubbing grin. And i want to STAY skinny all the time, the last 7 years i have been the ever expanding/shrinking woman grin

HecatesTwopenceworth Wed 23-Sep-09 14:34:47

Autism. grin

both of mine have autism. We decided that we didn't think we could properly manage the needs of 3 children with autism, or, if the third child didn't have autism, in some ways that would be worse. We have no idea how to raise an nt child and would we meet their needs while giving the attention the other 2 need.

So we have a 'missing' third child. S/he was supposed to be here, iyswim.

thedollshouse Wed 23-Sep-09 14:39:31

I'm expecting our second child next year, I will be 37.

Always wanted a big family but have decided we will stop at two. The main issue is money, we can't afford to have 2 children, there is no way we would be able to have any more and we certainly don't have the room. I feel too old as well, I want to move forward and I feel going for a third child would make everything so much more complicated and slower.

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