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My ds has no friends outside of school

(11 Posts)
xplosive Tue 22-Sep-09 21:54:16

It has been bothering me for some time.
Ds is 8 an only child who does appear to have freinds at school that he plays with on the playground but thats all.
He doesn,t seem to have made any real close freinds that he wants to invite home not like he did at infant school.
He was new at his current school last year.
He has had very occasional mates back from school but not that many and he is never invited anywhere. I find the whole business of trying to arrange playdates quite stressful and not very rewarding as they are never reciprocated have also never managed to get the kind of socail life that other kids have going for ds where one day they are at their mates and then the mates are at ours.
That aside he doesn,t have any mates outside of school either I am aware that other children frequently play out with other neighbourhood children but ds has never maintained any friendships like this we had alot of problems with fallings out not all ds's fault and now there is nobody that calls for him.
I am at a loss on what to do I would dealry love for ds to have some peer company out of school but I have not got a clue how I get it for him.
I have just started him in some clubs but in all honesty I have only ever found that the people he sees there are just people he sees once a week, for an hour or two and nothing more it has never given him friends as such.
Please help although ds seems happy enough I am sure that he needs company out of school.
I feel as though he must be the only child around who isn,t off out to play with mates once home from school or at weekends and its been bothering me alot of late that poor ds is missing out.

xplosive Tue 22-Sep-09 22:01:17

Anybody please

preciouslillywhite Tue 22-Sep-09 22:01:40

I'd just arrange playdates for say tuesdays, and just keep on persisting with them.

I used to do this for my ds, and I found that a lot of the other mums were a bit slack wink and so it took a while for them to reciprocate (if they ever did!) but it was worth it. I found it much easier to entertain two than just my ds (ie I could sit and read the paper in the kitchen while they trashed the living room!)

I'd say- just keep on doing it. After the first few weeks it gets easier.

CybilLiberty Tue 22-Sep-09 22:03:50

It's only been 7 minutes!

I would continue inviting friends back, if thats what your son wants. If there are no asks back, there may be lots of different reasons. Could he join Cubs or something similar?

Tbh you sound a lot more worried about it than he is.

xplosive Tue 22-Sep-09 22:06:54

I have had parents tell ds oh yes you can come but they never arrange it with me and I don,t like to push it.

LynetteScavo Tue 22-Sep-09 22:10:27

Well, my DS is just like this, and I don't see it as a problem.

He does have younger siblings though (which just annoy him, TBH)

Occasionally he will play with children of my friends; we might meet up in the park during the holidays, or they might come over for the afternoon.

I think the only thing you can do is persevere with the play dates, if you feel he needs company.

LynetteScavo Tue 22-Sep-09 22:11:03

xplosive, with playdates, you have to push it, or they will never happen. smile

preciouslillywhite Tue 22-Sep-09 22:14:58

Just keep on keepin on inviting them and don't take it personally if they don't do it back. Honestly, it's v v easy once you get into it.

...used to have one "friend" leave her ds here and say she was desperate to do a bit of cleaning, could I mind him for an hour or two- then come back in 4 reeking of booze grin

...only wish I could still do it. Ds is in Yr 8 at secondary school, very very shy but unfortunately it's considered v v uncool for your mum to arrange things for you! would love to be able to interfere help him out now...

xplosive Tue 22-Sep-09 22:27:05

Okay will keep plugging at it don,t want to look desperate though.
I don,t have any friends with children his age to even meet up with.
I don,t know about this playdate thing I don,t know if its my imagination but although we often talk about them on here I have not seen that many of them happening at school, most days I see children go home on their own I honestly think some people just don,t do them or is it me, will I be seen as the playdate fanatic that strange woman who keeps trying to get children at her house maybe its just me but I don,t see them happening much.

cece Tue 22-Sep-09 22:34:19

Some people do loads of playdates and others do only a few or none. I tend to do 1 maybe 2 per half term per child over to ours. Sometimes it therefore takes a while to reinvite people back iyswim.

LynetteScavo Tue 22-Sep-09 22:43:25

You won't be seen as desperate, you'll be seen as friendly.

AT DS1s school peopel do seem to go home alone, but at DS2's school there seems to be an eternal social whirl between a particlulr clique of families.

I guess it's different every where.

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