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Is DH right?

(13 Posts)
Ninks Tue 22-Sep-09 21:31:08

I recently mentioned having a last baby, (I am 38 in December) to DH. My DD is 9 and DH has been part of her life since she was 3. DS is 2.

Weirdly, (I thought), he said that he felt it wouldn't be fair to DS because "DD had you to herself for seven years" and DS will get jealous because he's only had you for a couple of years.

I HAD to go back to work when DD was 3 months old whereas DS aged two is still BF to this day because I have been lucky enough this time to have a decent DH.

Seems a bit strange to me that the reason DH states for not having another DC is that DD and DS have 7 years between them and he'd like it to be fair to future DC. WTF? Did I mention that I am nearly 38 already and he wants another seven-year gap?

muddleduck Wed 23-Sep-09 00:13:16

sounds like a (daft) excuse to me.

by his logic he should be moving out quite soon or DD will get jealous that DS has his dad around. Hope that doesn't sound too flippant, I'm just pointing out that their lives differ on some many things other than how long they had you to themselves.

Othersideofthechannel Wed 23-Sep-09 05:30:56

I second daft excuse.

Younger siblings never have a parent to themselves at all.

And a two year old doesn't think like that.

There is bound to be some sibling rivalry at some point while they are growing up whatever the age gap.

PfftTheMagicDragon Wed 23-Sep-09 06:20:40

Maybe you should send DD away for 7 years out of fairness for DS?

Knickers0nmahead Wed 23-Sep-09 08:31:15

It's a silly excuse. You both need to sit down and talk about it properly.

FlamingoDuBeke Wed 23-Sep-09 08:34:03

And it won't be fair to your DS not to have one because his friends have siblings of a similar age to play with. There are pros and cons to a child of close siblings, but my close age gap siblings have a very rich life together and don't seem to have suffered at all for not having 7 years of their lives with just me.

Very daft excuse! I'd rather have a sibling any day, than having a very intense one-to-one seven years with my mum!

MmeLindt Wed 23-Sep-09 08:35:02

Sounds like there is another reason and he is making up a daft excuse to deflect from the real issue.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Wed 23-Sep-09 08:39:24

He actually might really feel this is a fair and justified reason or he might not want another child but not want to upset you.

You have to talk to him.

mangostickyrice Wed 23-Sep-09 08:50:54

No he's not right. It's a weird excuse. Anyway, your ds has had 2 parents in the home since birth, is that "unfair" to your dd?

Ask him to explain some more, I think.

Ninks Wed 23-Sep-09 08:52:20

Thanks all, I think he was thinking with his heart rather than his head IYKWIM. He adores the children and treats them with absolute parity.

I'm on the mini-pill and have seen a consultant about unusual bleeding. Had a scan, all fine, but he did say that sometimes women have a fertility surge at my age and my body may be trying to override the pill. I suppose that's what got me pondering...

And DS is 2.4 and has never ever slept through the night. That may be the reason DH said what he did grin but in my mind I'm presuming that he's going to be growing out of the sleeplessness pretty soon and be off to pre-school sad

CMOTdibbler Wed 23-Sep-09 09:06:54

The one thing I would say, is that your DD may not be as close to your DS and the hypothetical sibling, as those with the smaller gap will just have more in common.

DH has two brothers - they have 18 months between them, he is 6 years younger. He has very little brotherly relationship with them as they are so close. Friend has 3 children with 7 years between each, and that works fine (so far) as no two are closer than another set iyswim

Ninks Wed 23-Sep-09 14:28:21

That's fair point too, CMOTdibbler.

mathanxiety Wed 23-Sep-09 21:19:01

He just doesn't want to have to share you with any more babies. He's the jealous one.

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