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Teenage mum CAN ANYONE HELP ME?

(84 Posts)
singleteenagemum Mon 06-Jun-05 10:23:50

Can anyone help? I'm 18 and 24 weeks pregnant, need some friendly people to talk to. Not just about pregnancy but everything. Life's pretty crap at the moment and i really need some girly support.

Toothache Mon 06-Jun-05 10:26:46

Hiya STM - Where are you?

I'm in Scotland. I was 22 when I got pregnant with ds (nearly 4 now). I also now have a dd whose 10mths.

Do you have your family supporting you?

LGJ Mon 06-Jun-05 10:26:58

.

In work can't post someone will be along soon.

LGJ Mon 06-Jun-05 10:27:12

See I told you

misdee Mon 06-Jun-05 10:27:41

hello

singleteenagemum Mon 06-Jun-05 10:28:18

I'm down in Kent.

Yea my family are all fine about it. Just had a lot of troubles wgen i first found out, with the dad and his family. Surprised i didn't miscarry.

singleteenagemum Mon 06-Jun-05 10:28:46

Hi Misdee

hayleylou Mon 06-Jun-05 10:30:02

Hi STM If you need someonme to talk to there is plenty of us here, or you could always CAT me!

Tortington Mon 06-Jun-05 10:31:06

hiya STM, i was 16 when first preggers, <cough> 15 yers ago, mumsnet will give you lots of support, i can feellonley and isolating.

good luck

Fio2 Mon 06-Jun-05 10:31:20

Hello, I'm in Kent too. I was 21 when i had my first, so not as young but still youngish and hello again

singleteenagemum Mon 06-Jun-05 10:31:27

Cheers Hayley, nice to know someone cares

sweetheart Mon 06-Jun-05 10:31:37

Hello,

I was 18 when I fell pregnant with my dd. I didn't know what to do - I just knew I wasn't a strong enough person to have a termination.

My partner stuck by me as did both our families and we had our baby girl. The first 3 months were hell and I hated it - wondered what I'd done, thought I'd ruined my life. Then something amazing happened - I fell madly and totally in love with my baby girl.

She will be 5 tomorrow and she is the best thing I have ever done. The hard parts have been worth every last bit and I'd do them all again in a second!!!!

There is life after babies at 18 I promise and being a mother is brilliant!!!!!

What is your situation?? Do you have and family or friends around to help and support you? What about the father???

hayleylou Mon 06-Jun-05 10:32:41

You are more than welcome STM.... the offer is there

singleteenagemum Mon 06-Jun-05 10:36:33

I've got all my family around, my mums already being the proud nan!

As for the dad, he's nowhere to be seen.It;s a very long story, but hey, it;s worth telling it.

He's 29. He had testicular cancer when he was 17, and was always told that he couldn't have kids. We'd been together about 2years, when i found out i was pregnant, and he just doesn't believe it's his, think i was playing the field and all that.

It gets a bit complicated now! My dad is a pastor at a local church and my ex's family also attends and my dad had to work very closely with his dad. They started talking about DNA tests and court cases and i couldn't be dealing with it, so my dad left his job and is now unemployed from the church, as they just couldn't work together.

I feel like i've ruined my whole family, don;t get me wrong they're all fantastic and really looking forward to it, i just knowmthat everything that has changed has been my fault and it's hard to handle.

sweetheart Mon 06-Jun-05 10:39:08

Sorry to ask but are you 100% certain it's his.

If you are then why don't you do the DNA test? If it was me I'd want to stick two fingers up and him and his family for being such a tosser!!!!

Thats just me though and I can understand that others will disagree with me.

If you have the love and support of your family that is all that matters!!!

Toothache Mon 06-Jun-05 10:39:52

STM - It isn't YOUR fault! It's you're Ex's fault. Accidents happen, but its the oldest trick in the book to deny it's his.

I'm sure your Dad doesn't blame you for all thats gone on. How were you to know that if you got pregnant that he would behave this way? And after 2 yrs as well?!?! You think you know someone eh?

If you Ex was told he could never have children I would've thought he'd have been over the moon to know he's not firing blanks! Do you think he'll come around and want to see his son or daughter?

fastasleep Mon 06-Jun-05 10:40:02

Hi singleteenagemum... I'm 18 and 20 weeks pregnant with my second I'm not quite in the same situation as I'm married but I know how it feels to be put down by lots of people!! It's great that your family are rallying around you I bet they don't think you've ruined a thing, as for your dad's job well it just sounds like the 'dad's side of the family are complete arses to be honest, don't let the guilt of that fall on you, you've done nothing to be ashamed of!

Fio2 Mon 06-Jun-05 10:40:23

have a DNA test when the baby is born

singleteenagemum Mon 06-Jun-05 10:42:19

i'm more than 100% sure. I;m not giving him a DNA test, because then he'll want to see his son and be involved and i don't care how horrible that sounds but if he can treat me like this then who knows what else he'd do.

I'm used to the fact that i'll be on my own and wish it wasn't that way but if he doesn't want anything to do with it now when i need to hold my hair back at 4 in the morning then i don't want him to have anything to do with it in the future

Fio2 Mon 06-Jun-05 10:43:38

what about maintenance payments though?

singleteenagemum Mon 06-Jun-05 10:44:20

we had a chat a little while ago, after it had been decided my dad would leave and there would no contact between us, he keot texting me so i went round to talk to him about it and he promised to leave me alone and the baby forever. It;s hard to let go of him but i know i need to.

Toothache Mon 06-Jun-05 10:45:04

STM - I know you must feel hatred towards him now. But you may feel differently when the wee one arrives. So you know its a boy then?

Any names sorted out?

singleteenagemum Mon 06-Jun-05 10:45:55

i don't want anything of his, and am able to support both myself and the little one on my wages. Do i sound like a really horrible person for not wanting him to be involved? When he doesn't even believe it;s his?

sweetheart Mon 06-Jun-05 10:46:05

I can understand your point of view but try seeing it from his side - he thinks he can't have kids!!!

I'm sure he's been more nasty than he needs to be - men can be real cruel bastards - but there will be more benefits to proving he's the father than negatives.

Children can never have too many people around that love them - plus what will you say when this child is old enough to ask questions about her father.

Also agree about the maintenance

singleteenagemum Mon 06-Jun-05 10:46:41

Yea i found out a little while ago, i;m calling him Noah.

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