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Feeling down about comments and in general re my exhausting 3.3YO.

(9 Posts)
mamadiva Mon 21-Sep-09 09:34:16

Hi, I just neeeded to talk to someone about this and I know that so many others will probably be feeling the exact same but right now I feel like it's just me and DS against the world, sorry it's so long but have to vent

Last week I took my DS to Clarks to get measured for new shoes and he would not stop running around, will not sit still for 2 minutes and at one point I lost him whilst I was running around trying to catch him, he managed to run upstairs in the store shockblush so for a good 3 or 4 minutes I was running around store and outside looking for him when a bloody staff memeber turns and says 'oh the little boy who came in with you? I saw him going to the stockroom a while ago' angry anyway after a telling off and much speaking to the staff member about watching me frantic and panicking when commmon sense should tell you to 1) stop a child from entering teh stock room and 2) inform the parent you have seen said child.

So fast forward to Saturday night walked into my friend's sisters 21st borthday and said staff girl is there ooks and says 'hiya so your getting peace from the brat then, I don't know how you cope with that thing', I had to be held back from punching her.

Just seems like these comments are getting more and more even the nursery says he is hard work!

I don't have any babysitters just me and DP as my mum won't help out and have very few friends in the area, just feel so alone and exhausted. DP actually walked out last night because DS was just getting to him to so much.

I have been concerned about DS's behaviour for a while but HV says I am just being over dramatic and worrying about every little thing, but the fact he eats one meal a day (breakfast), needs constant attention or scream blue murder, will not do anything he is asked, seems totally oblivious when you speak to him for example if you ask him what he has been doing today he will refuse to answer and start wittering about an imaginery recycling truck hmm, he is up at 5.30am everyday and the fact that he will not so much as sit on the potty/toilet and if we put pants on him he happily wets and soils himself without a word!

It's just getting me down everyone else's 3YO seems to be much further ahead than him infact most of the 2YO's I know are further ahead than he is.

I just need a break from my son, I've never felt I bonded with him properly and now I feel like I know why.

Because I don't think I can cope with him anymore

waitingforbedtime Mon 21-Sep-09 09:52:31

mamadiva - poor you guys

Is he just 3 or closer to 4?

My ds is 2years9 months so close in age.

Remember that a fair few boys at this age arent potty trained. When you try do you try for a few days? Have you tried a reward chart etc? Ds has just potty trained, he just wasnt interested before so maybe your ds just genuinely isnt ready?

With regards to the other behaviour - ds rarely sits still, only really to watch a bit of tv or read a book at bedtime. Think that's fairly normal. Most kids ime will run off given halk a chance. Dont give him that chance. Ds wont go in a buggy and is very tall etc anyways but he knows that he walks nice or goes on reins or in the trolley in in supermarket. I am really strict on that and that running off is not acceptable. Can I ask something, do you think you need to be stricter? I ask because i know ds can be a pain allthetime sometimes with some things but I pick my battles and the things I AM strict on such as only eating at the table, no hitting, no running off etc he is better with because he knows his boundaries.

What kind of discipline do you do with ds? I dont do time out etc or anything like that I just talk to him about things and why theyre not ok and give consequences such as the reins / trolley above. Also, I praise everyhting he does that is 'good'.

How is your ds's communication? Do you think he just ignores you or doesnt understand? Can he express himself quite well? My ds ignores me fairly regularly but unless its important I just leave him be, its usually because he's engrossed in something else.

With regards to the shoe shop woman, I would have responded with ' I dont know how I cope, your mother must ahve went through the same so I could ask her' well maybe I wouldnt but I would ahve THOUGHT it!! What did you say to her? I would have said something, insulting a 3 year old says more about her than your child.

Remember pretty much everyone has a hard time with 3 year olds. Everyone says its terrible 2s but my ds has changed since 2.6 and I know a lot of boys he is friends with are terrible 3s!

Does your ds get enought sleep do you think? When you say he only eats breakfast, is that literally all he eats?


mamadiva Mon 21-Sep-09 10:10:35

Hi waiting,

My DS was 3 in June and is just not interested in potty training nor does he seem to understand reward charts etc. I'm hoping that soon he will just get it but right now I can't see it happening.

He still goes in the pushchair sometimes but I am trying to phase it out but we can rarely get out without a major tantrum in a shop or the middle of the street, I have had to put him on reins which he hates because he hates holding hands, which I tried to insist on until one day I literally had to drag him over the road by on ehand because he would not move and just made hmself go limp.

I do try to be strict with him and probably could be more so but again time out, naughty step, confiscation and consequences does not work with him I don't think he understands, and I end up giving in because I just don't have the energy to fight him anymore.

I think it's a bit of both with the communication a lot of the time he is too engrossed but some of teh time he just does'nt seem to get the question and starts rambling about a car but when you explain he just ignores you. Like yesterday I asked himm to try a bit of yorkshire pudding at tea time and he shouted 'no because it's my hand' the things he says make no sense hmm

He goes to bed at 8pm and wakes at 5.30am so I know he is getting a decent amount but it was only about 3 months ago where he actually started sleeping right through without getting up at 12 and 3am to play!

And yes most days he only eats breakfast but will sometimes eat lunch or dinner but the majority of the time he refuses and goes hungry, it's not that he is a fussy eater it's just that he does'nt like eating.

waitingforbedtime Mon 21-Sep-09 10:59:55

Just popping out but will try and reply properly later and hopefully someone else will be helpful too.

Ds sleeps the same as your son and has only recently started sleeping through too so I know your pain. He used ot eat next to nothing but has improved since we stopped stressing about it and drawing any attention to it.

Maybe he meant with the yorkshire pudding he wanted to try it with a fork?? Is he particularly sensitive to textures etc??

Also, I know its easier said than done but if he knows you'll give in eventually over things then he will always play up. My son frequently does the legs turning to jelly thing, its annoying but I just try not to have us in a rush so I can just let him come round, also distraction works with ds.

Erm, was goign to say mre but have forgotten and need to go out. I know how you feel I think, I never get time away frmo ds, we dont have family close by and he doesnt go to nursery. Everyone feels worn down sometimes. x

titfertat Mon 21-Sep-09 11:07:02

I would say 9.5 hours' sleep is not really a "decent amount" for a 3yo, so I wonder if tiredness could be part of the problem - do you think that's possible?

scampadoodle Mon 21-Sep-09 11:07:28

My two DSs are both very hard work - DS1 has always been an early riser (he's now 8) and DS2 didn't really sleep through until he was 2.5 (now 5). The pair of them put myself & DH through the mill & we often end up in tears in exhaustion & frustration. We never get a break as a couple as none of our families will have them overnight! I am currently trying a very strict regime especially with DS1 but that in itself is exhausting.

I feel your pain!

scampadoodle Mon 21-Sep-09 11:09:06

Wanted to add - agree with Titfertat, if he's getting up at 5.30 then he needs to be in bed before 8. Say 7? It would give you a break too!

cloudedyellow Mon 21-Sep-09 12:20:19

'Playful Parenting' by Lawrence Cohen is an interesting and helpful book.
It sounds like you've got into a difficult cycle of behaviour with him. Very hard for you both.
Perhaps he would enjoy you paying some very close attention to him in a quiet way. Let him witter on and try to understand or just say 'Really?' in a interested way. I don't mean be inauthentic, but encourage him to explain. He doesn't have to have rational explanations for the recycling truck. Things don't always have to make sense. They mean something to him in his imagination.
He sounds like a lively, curious little boy. This can be such hard work I know, but is rewarding.
Do you have a laugh with him? Children often respond better to a joke than to a command and no one loses face.
Good luck.

specialmagiclady Mon 21-Sep-09 12:27:34

Sounds very like my DS1 who is 4.5 - it's exhausting. Retaining the sense of humour is the hardest thing - see my other thread re cracking up today.

Do try early nights if poss. At least it means you "get rid" of him earlier in the evening as well, so you don't have to stay up late to get your child-free time.

Have you had ears tested? I have - my boy's are fine. So he really is just not listening. If I want his attention, I have to stand in front of him, holding his shoulders and then speak into his face and ask "do you understand?" a lot. When I forget to do that, like the last couple of days, things get much much worse.

Keep the buggy as a sanction for when he's naughty out and about. There's no shame in it.

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