Daddy's girl doesn't want Mummy :(

[Sherida]

DD is 18 months old. For the last few months, all she wants is Daddy. I love that they have a great bond, but TBH it's getting a little frustrating. All he does all the time is pick her up, cuddle her, kiss her, carries her everywhere, never tells her off and now she won't let go of him if he's in the house. He had to go to the other room to make a phone call, and all she did was scream until he came back. Nothing I did was good enough. Even when she's ill (aren't they meant to want mummy then?) she looks for him. Wakes in the night? Looks for him. I'm starting to feel like a nanny. He encourages this behaviour, if she's crying and I'm calming her, he says things like "Do you want a daddy cuddle? Daddy make it better." I try to tell him it's not helpful, and he can see it's making her clingy for him but he can't change his behaviour. When we're eating, if I'm feeding her, he takes over. If she wants something, he gives it to her. If I'm teaching her to brush her teeth, he takes the brush and does it for her. He tells me he doesn't do it deliberately and I know that but he really can't help himself, and all it does is make her reject me because I'm the one who tells her off.

Don't misunderstand, it's not a case of jealousy, (maybe a little) I just want our daughter to want to cuddle ME sometimes! I feel so second rate. Sometimes during the day she wants him and cries, won't take me at all. What can I do???

[llareggub]

I had the same concerns with my DS. Someone suggested on here that it is because I'm always around doing things for him and his father isn't, as he works full-time. Someone else suggested that sometimes children try and reject the most constant person in their lives for some sort of security test; if you don't reject them no matter how they behave then they know that you really love them.

Remembering these facts made me feel a little better but it is hard, isn't it?

[Sherida]

Actually, that's made me feel a lot better! Yeah, it really is hard but it's nice to know I'm not the only one!

[LittleMissNosey]

Same happened to me around 18 months with dd. We even went to a wedding and she cried every time I went near her I felt like the worst mum in the world.

She's 22 months now and seems to have stopped doing it, fingers crossed.

You have my sympathies it is awful

[PuppyMonkey]

I'm in the same boat myself - my DD even shouts at me to go away now cos all she wants is daddy. I'm just trying to console myself with the fact that it's probably just a phase.

[piscesmoon]

You have got to have a serious talk with your DH now, before she gets any older. This isn't a jealousy problem, or a problem with you or your DD-this is a problem of your DHs making and will only get worse. The parent has to be the adult and the unpopular one who says 'NO'. He hasn't even got to the stage where she imposes her own will yet-she will get very spoiled if he always wants to be 'best friend, daddy'.
Wait until she is in bed and you are both in a good mood and tackle it then. Get him to agree on rules, e.g if you have started something he is not to take over. You are to take turns at things like putting her to bed and if it is your turn he stays out of the way-going for a walk round the block if necessary. Agree on how to parent later on,e.g. how you will manage a tantrum, what to do if she wants a biscuit just before dinner is served etc. Agree that if either disagrees you discuss it afterwards when DD can't hear-in front of her, you need a united front.
If he won't listen or admit that he is causing a problem I would suggest you get outside help.
Usually I think that parents who worry about the DC loving another parent more are a bit wet, but in this case he is causing a big problem. Don't fear-she loves you to bits but daddy is going to be 'the one', if he never does the unpleasant part of parenting. There was a thread on the same lines a short time ago-I will try and find the link.

[Sherida]

ty for you messages! He knows it's a problem, just has a hard time stopping it! He says he will try. We will see!

[piscesmoon]

I can't find the thread, but it was a family with 2 DDs and the eldest was a complete daddy's girl. The youngest was a toddler and had become mummy's girl-mainly because DD1 and DH had such a close bond. DD1 was even saying things like 'I'm daddy's little girl and DD2 is mummy's little girl'.
Again it was all down to DHs behaviour-but they were trying to change things before they got polarised as a family.
I don't see anything wrong if it is just the DC with a preference-there is enough love to go around-it isn't a competition BUT I do think there is a problem if the parent's behaviour is encouraging it.