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DD 3.2yrs mummy obsessed

(9 Posts)
HLaurens Fri 18-Sep-09 16:16:01

DD1, currently 3.2 years, has always been very mummyish. DD2 (17mths) slightly favours me, but is generally ok. They both go to a childminder four days a week - they have had the same childminder, who has been their only carer since they started in childcare at about 14mths. Both are really happy there, and appear to look forward to going. There are no tears when I or DH drops them off.

DD1's mummy obsession, though, is driving both me and DH crazy. She screams hysterically if she has to go out with my H without me. Only I am allowed to get her stuff/help her with stuff/ get her up in the morning. DH is really great, and very involved with both DDs, and tries daily to engage with DD1, i.e. attempts to read her a bedtime story - but usually she just screams and tells him to go away.

Does anyone have any solutions? Can anyone sympathize? When did it stop?

piscesmoon Fri 18-Sep-09 17:20:28

I would go out shopping on your own, or even just for a walk and leave him to it for short periods. You could try having a headache at bedtime story time and having a lie down. Daddy and DD1 have to do the story and be very quiet so that mummmy feels better! Get DH to help her do a surprise for you-to be done in secret. In short-think or reasons why they have to spend time without you, and get DH to make it fun.

HLaurens Fri 18-Sep-09 17:48:36

Thanks for the ideas pisces. The problem is, getting her to do any such activities is nigh on impossible, as she is so hysterical. Recently, I went shopping on my own and my departure instigated hysterical crying that apparently took an hour to subside, and could only be stopped with a rare treat of a lollipop.

It has actually got worse recently, but there seem to be no upsets in her life to account for it.

piscesmoon Fri 18-Sep-09 19:06:13

I think that you will just have to do it more often. Start with popping out to the post box, going on to a local shop and work up to half a day out. Explain what you are doing and go-don't prolongue it. Pay no attention to the crying-when you get back just stay matter of fact and calm and say something like 'I just went to post a letter' and change the subject. Don't give any treats. If she carried on crying just ignore-tell her calmly that you will listen to her when you can understand what she is saying. I think DH doing something for you with her in secret is a good idea-for example make a card-have some glitter ready to make it something she wants to do. She is too little to keep it secret for long so they could find you as soon as they finish.
Little and often-don't cajole-just treat it as normal and ignore the tears. Let DH think of something that it fun and will appeal to her and then leave it to DH.
Hopefully someone else will reply.

HLaurens Fri 18-Sep-09 19:59:50

Thanks for keeping this going Pisces. I do think that perhaps DH could enter into activities with her with a bit more gusto - he does tend to leave her to her own devices if possible.

Anyone else?

piscesmoon Fri 18-Sep-09 21:27:45

I'll bump it up-I am surprised no one else has any advice.Perhaps everyone is doing exciting things on a Friday night!

oneofakind Fri 18-Sep-09 21:51:38

I could have written this!! my ds (3.8) is sooo clingy - it drives me mad sometimes as he even wants to see me every time I go to the loo still! everything is related back to mummys and babies ie. I am going to eat this fishfinger as it is the mummy one and the baby wants his mummy. my ds is securely loved but spends a lot of time with me and my dh so perhaps this is why he is so clingy. things have improved since he started nursery part time and I do go out once a week in the eve. and dh does bedtime routine. ds often cries himself to sleep waiting for me to come in. sorry no advice from me (but lots of sympathy) other than to follow piscesmoon advice. I guess they learn eventually that mummy does always return when she says she will and you have to have some time on your own.

HLaurens Sat 19-Sep-09 19:40:37

oneofakind - glad I'm not the only one. I think it is just a character trait, as DD2 is much more chilled and always happy with me or DH putting her to bed etc.

HLaurens Mon 21-Sep-09 11:03:54

bump - after another gigantic meltdown this morning when I left the house

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