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pregnant again and scared

(14 Posts)
rosebud1980 Sun 05-Jun-05 17:01:13

Ive just found out im pregnant again ds is only 8mths old. Im gutted about the timing. I had pre-eclampsia with ds and had a terrible experiece so im very scared of going through that again. And also my dh is in the forces so I just dont know how I would cope with 2 children under 2yrs alone. Ive thought about the other option but I dont think I could live with myself if I did. I just want to bury my head under the pillow and wish would go away (that sounds awful). Im worrying about all sorts of things my health, not being able to give time to ds, coping alone and not bonding with the nb especially with the way im feeling now.Any advice or words of comfort, support would be great...

MRSflamesparrow Sun 05-Jun-05 17:13:46

I haven't done it myself, but I am a great believer in these things happening for a reason.

You will suddenly develop more strength than you think you have - I guarantee it. We are never given more in this life than we can handle (even if it is bloody hard handling it).

I know many people who have had the same bonding worries for various reasons during their pregs, and the moment they hold their child, all those fears seem to melt away.

Yes, it will be hard, and scary, but it will be wonderful too - your little ones will be really close in age, so they can appreciate doing all the same things together, they will both be in nappies, so you can just change the two together, as they get a bit older they can play together happily without having to worry about one having big toys when the other needs baby ones.

And also - it will be the extra work, but think of all that love too.


bettythebuilder Sun 05-Jun-05 17:21:27

would SAFFA be able to help? Even if just for someone to talk to for a bit of friendly reasurance.(have I spelt SAFFA right? The services and armed forces families association, anyway!)

SenoraPostrophe Sun 05-Jun-05 17:30:19

my 2 are 20 months apart and dh was little use for the first few months because he had to do all his work and mine. Plus dd was in hospital and i was so preoccupied with her that I didn't really bond with ds for a few days. I did in the end though.

I won't pretend it was easy but I coped OK - second babies are easier because you know the score. and it is easier as they grow up because they are so close.

Look after yourself, eat well, put your feet up as much as you can (cbeebies - worth the license fee all on its own). It'll be OK.

merryberry Sun 05-Jun-05 17:38:32

I've nothing useful to say having no relevant experience but reading what you're saying I just wanted to say: have a huge hug from a stranger and go easy on yourself. HUGE HUG!

mumofelise Sun 05-Jun-05 17:43:03

my two are 13 months apart and although it is hard work, given the choice, i would not want a bigger age gap. dd2 is now 13 months and they play together and occupy each other. i was terrified at first but i think that you are forced into a routine and it becomes easier than coping with one

mumofelise Sun 05-Jun-05 17:48:30

forgot to say that i bf and that was mine and dd2 time and when dd2 slept, that was dd1 and my time. I worried that i would not love/bond with dd2 as i was so shocked about preg but i can confirm that i have adored her all her days and i worried that dd1 did not have as much time as i would have liked by herself but it occured to me that a 2nd/3re/4th child has no time alone with parents so i felt better if you see what i mean.

hotmummy Sun 05-Jun-05 19:38:57

rosebud1980- btb is right Saffa will help out, we alos have homestart operating on our camp, they offer to look after all the children, I have 2 near;y and 8 year difference and they still asked if I wanted help with the baby!! I did decline.

Please go and speak to your dr/nurse/mw/hv- they will all be able to help you and give you constructive advice.

Is your DH on or going on tour?

Things happen for a reason, but what ever you decide to do people will be there to support you.

hunkermunker Sun 05-Jun-05 19:40:50

From SSAFA's website, they'll help you out, hun

Your emotions are bound to be all over the place - be kind to yourself, sweetheart.

geogteach Sun 05-Jun-05 19:51:44

I have this age gap between DD and DS2, not planned but I had similar worries to you at the start. I love it now as they get on so well and really amuse each other. Its tough at the end of the pregnancy and for the first few months ( my DD couldn't walk when DS2 was born), but it is getting easier all the time.

bini Sun 05-Jun-05 22:30:02

I've just had my second child, the pregnancy wasn't planned and I was terrified all the way through because I didn't feel ready to have another baby and I didn't feel I would be able to cope as dh is pretty unsupportive. I won't say it has been easy but it's getting easier and I don't regret it even though I am coping on my own a lot of the time. I know some people who have turned out to be really great friends who support me too. There is always support there if you let people know how you are feeling.

kazoo Sun 05-Jun-05 22:32:28

I have a 14 month gap between my 2(ds is 19 months and dd is 5 months) and had severe pre-eclampsia with the first. I was hospitalised for 4 weeks and dreaded this happening again. Thankfully I only had hbp towards the end and needed 2 short stays in hospital with my second pregnancy. Make sure you have somebody lined up from 30 weeks onwards who can look after your first child at the drop of a hat. It will put your mind at rest incase you end up with pre-eclampsia again. Although I was told it was rare to have it twice and is definately more common with first pregnancies. With regards to the age gap it is perfect. Dd is kept amused all day by ds and yes they do have there moments but I wouldn't change them for the world.

swedishmum Sun 05-Jun-05 23:06:35

You'll be absolutely fine - I'm speaking 8 years later. There's only 11 months between dd2 and ds - we were shocked. Dd 2 was a single surviving twin so the whole pregnancy was stressful, then she had a horrible chest infection at 3 weeks and was in hospital over her first Christmas. Also dh was working away from home. I guess we didn't think about contraception...
Yesterday they came with me and their baby sis to Bluewater. I was so proud of them (they are now 8 and 9). They went off alone and I called them every 15 mins - they's saved their pocket money and had a great time together. They are so close and such good fun now (all 4 are close). I love my kids so much and am so pleased that 3 of them are so close in age- I had 3 under 3. Once you get into a routine (AND YOU'LL NEED TO) it will be great. I've even taken them abroad by myself for half term when they were about 6,5 and 3.
Congratulations and enjoy!

bibiboo Mon 06-Jun-05 15:47:45

Don't be worried! You're having another baby! That's wonderful. And no matter what happens, this baby is coming to bring you joy! Ok, so maybe a bit of stress and lack of sleep as well, but you'll work it all out.
I hope your health is okay. Your children will be close in age and hopefully close in nature too. I am seriously considering another baby (my dd is 8 mo next week) and if it wasn't for the financial situation, I would have one right away.

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