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ds 11 hates his hair - advice please(17 Posts)
My 11 year old ds hates his curly hair and it is making him so unhappy. He and all his friends started growing their hair in year 6 and they now have sleek fringes etc and he can only get the effect he wants with products and of course it doesn't last. He hasn't liked his hair since he was about 7 but always wore it short. He will not have it cut and hairdressers I have spoken to have been quite blunt about his thick hair and not as sympathetic as I'd hoped.
He is so handsome, sporty and reasonably clever and I have tried telling him this and how lucky he is, but it isn't working. He just wants to look like his friends. He has just started secondary which I think has made it worse because he is meeting lots of new people and he isn't happy about how he looks. He is with his old friends too.
He doesn't want to go swimming anymore and didn't go to football practice on Monday. I am so worried that he is letting it affect so much of his life. I want him to enjoy being a boy and not let his hair restrict his activities and his life. I am worried how much it is affecting his mental state. This morning he was not happy about how it looked and left for school very upset. He came rushing in 5 minutes later crying, begging me to keep him at home, saying that he hated his hair and it made him feel sick. I told him I couldn't keep him off for that reason and got him to calm down. He eventually set off wearing his hat, worried now about being late. When he'd gone I looked out of the window and saw him walking up the road and I just cried. I hate him being so unhappy. I know it might sound trivial to some but it is becomming a real problem and I am at a loss as to what to do.
Any advice would be gratefully received.
your poor ds
curly hair on men is cool! only examples I can think of might be a bit old to impress him though - eg Alan Davies, Johnny Borrell
Your poor DS
I hated my hair as a teenager too so can sympathise.
It does sound like it would be best if he kept it really short if it is very curly.
Peer pressure and the pressure to look good and 'fit in' is so tough on teenagers is't it?
It is hard. He does not want to have it cut at all. He thinks it looks great if I help him blow it dry and then use glue (hair product) on it but of course it doesn't stay like that. He just doesn't quite get it. Doesn't help that ds2 has blonde floppy hair but as I say to ds1 ds2 can hardly see without his glasses!
I am partial to men with curly hair myself too
He needs to slowly learn to like himself and develop his own unique style that suits him best, rather than tryign to conform to a generic norm. Unfortunately that takes time and maturity, and at 11 your DS is still so young.
Oh dear, he shouldn't be having to blow dry his hair at that age. Is he trying to make it straight?
Could you not encourage him to enhance his curls instead? I would recommend friz eaze hair syrum for taming frizz and making unruly curly hair more sleek and curly.
Sorry I have no proper advice btw.
korma speaks sense, could there be a possibility of bullyig, eve low level subtle bullying and teasing about his hair etc.?
I sympathise as i have a redhead who would rather be mousy, it is hopeless trying to tell them they still look cool as, of course, our opinions are always out of date due to our ancientness!
I don't think he is being bullied but I have definitely taken note of that thank you. He is in a form with most of his old mates - they might be teasing him for forever smoothing down his hair. I don't know. He is too young to be worrying so much and you are right he is going to have to accept the way it is and like himself but as you say omdb he is so young and immature.
I have used serum in the past - he just hates his curly hair. Such a shame. As a toddler he had a mass of bubbly blonde curls and not a care in the world.
Firstly, I think curly hair on boys is great. My 19 year old brother has thick curly hair and with his skinny jeans and high-tops he looks the business.
Secondly, I know you said he doesn't want to cut it but have you tried speaking to someone at somewhere like Tony & Guy? Even if they dont cut it they may be able to give him tips on styling. Usually those types of places have some cool young bloke who does the mens styling and I am sure if you explained the situation they would be happy to help.
Justin Timberlake has curly hair and cuts it dead short and is pretty cool- how about writing to his website- you never know, Mr Timberlake himself may come back with some supportive cool comments that your DS will think is cool?
Or there's Mika, Sacha Baron Cohen, etc see this:
See if you can get a really nice, but gorgeous and cool older teenage girl to tell him his hair is lovely and so much more interesting than boring straight hair?
aww. poor lad...he sounds like his self esteem is pretty low, but you are really lovely for taking it seriously.
can you try growing it...it will probably look rubbish for a while in the inbetween stage, but will get better probably as it gets longer.
find a local ladies salon (rather than a barbers i mean) with a cool stylist who can advise on products and styling...
does he fancy a shopping spree? maybe some new clothes/bag for school/badges for old bag/hat/whatever will make him feel a bit more in the loop...
look for young pop star types who have curly hair and see how they wear it...danny from mcfly, lad who used to be in corrie (have no idea who he is..was he on fame acadamy or something?) mika etc...
hth. good luck!
I agree with Chimchar & Helen, do you have a very trendy salon near you - renowned? With a cool dude of a hair dresser who can advise your son ? He can discuss all of his concerns with the guy and could even be perusaded in having it styled rather than cut ?
Not sure where you are, I'm nr Newcastle and we have endless cool salons (though expensive) here.
I do really feel for him. My sister has wild curly hair and she is 30 now and loves it, but she hated it as a teenager.
From a personal point of view, men with longish curly hair ROCK !
Argos sell straightners for men, but any ones would do. Poor DS he'll probably have his own style someday, but he just wants to, understandably, fit in at the moment.
The more he tries to smooth it down, the more attention will be drawn to it. He is better off just cutting it really short and forgetting about it. BUT I know that is easier said than done.
I have an 11 year old DS who spends half an hour each day before school in front of the mirror smoothing his hair down - his hair is long and floppy, but it has to lie exactly straight and sleek for him to be happy. Then he walks slowly down the road, not moving his head so his hair doesn't mess up. Seriously. When he turns round to say goodbye he turns his whole body rather than just his head. It's tragic really.
Also have an older, red headed DS who wore a baseball cap for the first year at high school! The novelty of calling him ginger has worn off for people, and even if they did he would just raise his eyebrows now.
My bet is your DS is being called 'curly' at school. For now it is a big deal, but eventually it will become a 'so what'.
Sorry, no real advice. Just wanted to say I feel your pain!
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