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I have just been so horrible to my DD, feel so guilty

(15 Posts)
unstable Tue 15-Sep-09 14:43:15

My DD is nearly two and usually such a good child and i feel so lucky to have her.

This week she has decided that after lunch when she has a dirty nappy changed to kick me and laugh. Not too worried about this as such, but it is a dirty nappy and as she kicks it goes everywhere. I have asked her not to do it, i have told her no, i have held her (with force) to stop her doing it and now twice i have screamed at her and smacked her. I hate myself for this. It is not even if i have done it once and it has worked, she has just laughed at me, so i don't know why i did it a second time. I hate violence, i hate to see kids being screamed at and it represents everything i hate, so why am i doing it?

What can i do in this situation? How can i stop myself from losing my temper? I feel sick at what i've done sad

PrincessToadstool Tue 15-Sep-09 14:47:20

My DS kicks too and laughs his head off. I actually have a swollen and bruised cheek after changing him earlier.

Can you give her something to distract her? I try to have the TV on and in DS's view to placate him, or I give him my mobile phone or iPod which helps.

As for hitting her I think you just need to move on, tell her you are sorry and promise yourself you'll never do it again.

mankymummymoo Tue 15-Sep-09 14:49:27

Take a deep breath and carry on.

If you can, hold both ankles with one hand and get the nappy off with the other and then clean her up.

Change her in the bath (on changing mat) if necessary to make clearing up easier.

I think its just a phase they go through to be honest.

I know how you are feeling, I slapped DS's hand once when he was completely hysterical - I still feel sick about it when I think about it.

pagwatch Tue 15-Sep-09 14:50:24

this has just triggered you. I think we cope with 99% of the stresses and then one thing tips us over.You are probably allowing all your frustration to burst out over this issue because it is hideous cleaning up ooh and because you have asked her not to.
The trouble is too that your stress about it is also going to make her more rather than less likely to play up.

To be honest your primary concern must be avoiding hurting her and getting so angry. I know a dirty nappy is not ideal but frankly just change the time you change her and don't do it until you are calm.

If you see this as a moment that is likely to make you snap then make sure you are as calm as possible before you do it.
And ultimately a bit of pooh on the floor is a better outcome that you and her being upset.

You don't want to behave like this. remember that. This is just a stage. She is so little - she won't still be doing this in a month.

wasabipeanut Tue 15-Sep-09 14:52:24

Don't beat yourself up. No it wasn't the best response but you are human and I think many would admit to going there and feeling like crap about it afterwards. You do it because just for a second you are angry and lose control so you lash out.

You need to think through the circumstances that triggered this and figure how to avoid it happenning again - otherwise the same will happen tomorrow. Believe me I speak from experience - my DS can be such hard work at times. Have you tried just singing a little song or nursery rhymm to get her to stay still for a few seconds? Sometimes the smallest things can work.

danthe4th Tue 15-Sep-09 14:52:43

Have you tried singing nursery rhymes and also only take the trousers down to the ankles you can still change the nappy but the legs are strapped together, works very well.

danthe4th Tue 15-Sep-09 14:53:38

you could try sitting her on the toilet, if she goes the same time every day, may work.

thisisyesterday Tue 15-Sep-09 15:10:16

ok, remmeber she is not even TWO years old.

she is not old enough to remember that you've told her not to do it before, to understand why you don't want her to do it or to control her impulse to do it.

instead of getting angry at her you need to think of ways of changing the nappy that don't allow her to do it.
I would either go for holding her very tightly and just saying "no kicking" if she tries and getting it done as quick as possible, or maybe even just standing her in the bath to do it for a few days until she forgets how jolly funny kicking is!!!

are you stressed about anything else? I find that if i am worried/stressed about stuff then i lose my temper a lot quicker with the kids

roneef Tue 15-Sep-09 15:58:34


Don't feel too bad. You made a mistake. As long as you learn from it and NEVER repeat the action.

Distraction at nappy time will work better. My 2 yr old has literally bruised and scratched while laughing sad

Hand on heart - He hasn't got a clue but I still sternly tell him off - that's how he's going to learn it's wrong to hit.

Overmydeadbody Tue 15-Sep-09 16:05:33

I think you are expecting way too much from a child who's not even two yet. That's still a baby.

All mothers loose it sometimes, but you need to control yourself so you don't take it out on her. She isn't deliberately doing it.

LaTrucha Tue 15-Sep-09 16:09:42

My DD does this and I posted a thread about it.

Someone suggested putting hair clips in her hair. Toddlers usually can;t wait to pull them out! TBH, it didn't really work with us but I thought it would and I thinkit's worth a try.

What I did do was get out an activity cube she had when she was a baby, which was too big and uncomfortable for her to try and wipe herself with (my issue was that she was putting her hands on her dirty bottom).

It did drive me nuts but she seems to have stopped doing it for the moment.

Now all she wants to do is stand up and walk off [sigh]....

LaTrucha Tue 15-Sep-09 16:10:39

Oh. And my DH puts knickers / tights anything he can find on his head and makes her laugh.

Seems to work too.

dooit Tue 15-Sep-09 16:24:49

I taught my DDs to bend over and touch their toes. It made wiping easier, quicker and meant they were facing away from all the action so weren't so interested in getting involved and helping.

unstable Tue 15-Sep-09 17:27:26

Thank you for your replies.

I think where i am going wrong is:

a)Changing her just before we go out and she is tired (bit difficult to change that as that is when she needs changing) but will try to remember that i am stressing and she is tired = not a good combination.

b)i am focusing so much on what i am trying to do, and forgetting how i normally deal with her. I am a great fan of distraction.

I may try giving her a breadstick/biscuit or something if she is bad tomorrow and the singing hasn't worked (don't know why i hadn't thought of that). Not ideal i know, but it seems to be only this nappy change that she plays up and when she is this tired nothing can keep her attention (apart from food)

Thanks again, sometimes you just need the reassurance that 'ok, you did something wrong, it isn't the end of the world, but to stop it happening again have you tried....'


Overmydeadbody Wed 16-Sep-09 10:30:24

Glad you are feeling better about it and have some tactics to use next time.

Please don't view anything she does as 'bad' though. She is too young to know whether what she is doing is 'bad' or 'good'. She is just being normal.

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