Thinking about having Baby Number 2 But had REALLY bad PND after DD1

[BrokenBananaTantrum]

Long story short. I had a brilliant pregnancy with DD. The birth was shocking and ended up with spinal / foceps etc. 3rd Degree Tear. Not what I had in mind at all but still at least DD was fine.

I suffered from severe post natal depression after DD's birth. She is 3 now and I am just starting to think about having a second baby.

Have any of you suffered severe PND with one child but not others. I am terrified of it happening again.

Any and all advice welcome.

Thanks

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

I am sorry you have had such a difficult time but you are right to focus on your baby being fine.

I have had 3 babies and have had PND each time and AND the last time. Having said that though, I was ill almost straight away with number one, got to 3 months with number 2 and 12 months with number 3.

However, I was predisposed to have depression so I wouldn't take my experience as proof that everything has a recurring bout of depressing.

I would go for another baby and make sure your midwife looks after you very well. Talking to someone about the birth might help too.

[Mumwhensdinneready]

Yes I had PND after DS1 and was terrified it would happen again.
It didn't.
Not only did I not get PND I enjoyed DS2 as a baby in a way I never did with DS1.

I was 37 when DS1 was born. I was sick throughout the pregnancy and hated every minute. I had never really had a strong desire for babies it was a conscious decision to go for a family in view of ticking biological clock. I had never even held a baby before. The whole thing was such a shock to me. I was used to a responsible job where problems could be solved by expertise and research. Doesn't work with babies.

I guess these factors were what led to the PND.
Best thing I ever did having him though!
Of course I have no idea why you had PND after baby number one but I can honestly say it's not inevitable that it will happen again.

[zonedout]

exactly what mumwhensdinner said in the first 3 lines of her post. ds2 is almost a year and there have been no signs of the crippling pnd i had with ds1. and my goodness, i have enjoyed him so much

so it is not inevitable that it will happen again to you. for me, i talked a lot about my fears to midwives, dh etc when preg with ds2 which really helped. and it also helped me to make peace with a quite traumatic birth with ds1 which i believe was a contributing factor to the pnd. it also made me aware of the importance of talking through the birth of ds2 (also traumatic but in a different way)

good luck to you. talk talk talk about it as much as you can.

[mosschops30]

I went to a fabulous talk today by a woman called Elaine Hanzak (i think ), it was for nurses but she is just a normal woman who is an expert by experience.

Her website may have some good things on for you. She said that even though she had been hospitalised due to her PND and PP she still wanted to have another baby, although she never did

I havent suffered with PND so far (am pg with no.3) but never say never and I think its important from what I learnt this morning is that it can happen to any type of woman no matter what.
Her book Eyes without Sparkle looked good and she gave lots of good advice to health professionals at the lecture.

HTH

[skipmummy]

oh my goodness, wish I had discovered this site years ago. Had dreadful PND after birth of ds1 but just assumed feeling crap like that was normal and I was just a bad and hopeless mum. Was terrified to have another baby but felt so guilty feeling like that I didn't tell anyone. Didn't realise something was really wrong until I felt suicidal when ds2 was about 6 months old and I threw ds1 onto the bed and thought i was about to hit him. Scared myself so much I went to the doctor and it was a relief to find i wasn't mad but there was actually something wrong that could be fixed. HV was fantastic combined with 40mg of citalopram. ditto zonedout, have enjoyed ds2 so much and can remember him doing things I have erased from memory for ds1. Still feel hugely guilty that ds1 had to have such a sad mummy for the first 2 years of his life and I hope his behavioural problems aren't as a result of this but they say children can't remember. Birth of ds1 was traumatic, birth of ds2 showed me how wonderful things could be. Talk to your HV. Even if it does happen again, you can get thru it.

[Reallytired]

I had severe postnatal depression with my first child. I have had the odd bad day with second, but nothing like what I experienced second time round.

The following things have helped me. I actively planned to have a spring baby. The sunshine and lengthening days help with low moods. Everything feels better when the sun is shining.

It also helps to get your support team lined up. Tell your midwife and health visitor that you have a history of postnatal depression. Ask the health visitor if she can come out and do an Edinburgh questionaire at 6 weeks and 6 months.

It is frightening, but it does not always follow that you will get postnatal depression like last time or it will get quite so bad. Especially as you are prepared to admit and accept help.

[skihorse]

I've not had a child yet (we're TTC), but due to my history of mental health problems my partner is aware that he will need to be on the look out and I will make my midwife team aware too. In these circumstances I actually feel kind of "lucky" - I know what the signs are, and I know others will be looking out for me too - like they will for you. I wish you all the best and a happy and successful baby number 2!

[Joexacc]

I had severe post natal depression with DD, my first child and have gone on to have DS 4 months ago. The psychiatrist I saw subsequently said I had had psychotic symptoms.
I have not suffered from PND this time and am really enjoying having the 2 of them to look after. I haven't felt so well for years.
It was all about getting the right support. I went on AD's at 20 weeks of my pregnancy as my mood was deteriorating. I was referred to the peri-natal mental health services during pregnancy and they recommended a preventative stay in the Mother and Baby unit for the week after DS was born. This was fabulous.
In addition a CPN called round for the first 3 months post partum to monitor my mood and I arranged to have either my Mum, DH or other family friend present to help out and allow me to nap for the first 6 weeks.
I guess I am trying to say that there is no reason why you cannot have a successful and happy experience if you are prepared to ask for help.

[BrokenBananaTantrum]

Thank you everyone. It is reassuring to hear how you have all coped albeit in different ways. I will be more aware of things next time and will make sure that the midwives are aware of my problems from last time and will seek help early. The stay on the mother and baby unit sounds good so i might ask about that but i thinki would miss my DD1 too much to stay for a week.

My Mental health is so much more important to me now than before. I will also not spend ages visualising a beautiful water birth. Maybe this time - with prior knowledge things will be fine. Will let you all know when i manage to conceive.

Thanks again