Had ds (first baby) 16 days ago and, as some of you will know, am having problems with bf. Am mixed feeding at the moment after we had to give him formula in hospital (short spell in scbu), but am trying to establish bf. A lot of feeds though (and every feed today ) he will refuse to latch on, scream and cry - even if I calm him down it will start up again when I resume the feeding attempt. It's hard but I keep persevering because sometimes he does latch on and I so want to bf. However he exhausts himself crying and he has to be fed so we are giving hm EBM and formula. Anyway, this evening he was screaming and crying again and he'd got himself into such a state that when dh brought his bottle of EBM he didn't take it at first. Usually when I give him a bottle he has it lying on the feeding cushion and me supporting his head a bit and that almost always works fine. However, this time he didn't take it and just carried on being upset. dh said I should lift him up a bit. I was feeling a bit fraught and over-sensitive (particularly because his tone implied my method was rubbish) and said 'you do it if you're so much better at it'. Then he said 'no, you have to learn it so he (ds) doesn't end up being allergic to you' I couldn't believe it! I am unhappy about the bf situation but I do my very very best not to transfer any of these feelings to ds and just feed him with love, however he gets fed. But dh has just implied he's picking up all kinds of negative vibrations from me. He has completely knocked the rather fragile confidence I had. I worry already about our bond because of the bf problems and I hate that he ends up screaming before a feed, and what dh said is making me feel worse and worse. Am I damaging our relationship? Will he never feel good with his mummy? I can comfort him when he is crying for other things - I'll pick him up, rock him and he'll fall asleep in my arms - but now I'm even doubting that. I'm afraid I lost it and cried and also screamed at dh to stop when he started going on. I'm so upset - what am I doing to my relationship with ds? Also, dh keeps saying things he thinks ds has to 'learn' to do - I pick him up immediately if he's crying and try and feed him immediately if he's hungry, dh thinks he should be able to wait a while - yes, when he's older, of course he should, but he's 16 DAYS ffs. dh is also a lot more relaxed about giving formula than I am - I HATE giving formula and worry about ds's health if I don't manage to get bf established. dh and I have a fantastic relationship and he is wonderful with ds (he's at home and we're child-caring equally), but I'm now just wondering how divergent our ideas really are - and what he said has so upset me. Am I a useless mummy who's ruining her bond with ds at only 2 weeks old?
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