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DD invited on playdate and doesn't want to go, have I done the right thing?

(7 Posts)
Flyonthewindscreen Wed 09-Sep-09 13:04:19

Yesterday X, the mother of one of DD's classmates asked me if DD (5, yr 1) would like to go to tea with her DD today. I automatically said "thank you, i'm sure she would" but was a bit surprised as our DDs have never been friends or seemed to be on each others radar at all. Also felt a bit bemused as our DSs are also in the same class, are friends and her DS has been invited to our house on various occasions without my DS ever being invited back.

Anyway when I told DD about the invite she was adamant she didn't want to go. Said she was too shy to go on own and didn't play with X's DD. My DD has got a history of being very cautious about where she is happy to go to on her own and has been brought back early in tears before. Felt terrible for X's DD but texted X along lines of sorry KamR's DD says too shy to come, she is very tired and emotional since start of term, hope haven't offended. Got a text back, saying would my DD like to come for a play and not stay for tea. I ask DD this morning, she doesn't want to go at all. Miss seeing X at school gates this morning so send another text saying sorry she still doesn't want to come *on own*, thinking she might invite us all over for coffee and quick play, but no reply so she might be offended now...

I'm thinking now that I'll speak to X at school pick up and suggest to X that we could take all four DC to the park for a play after school.

What would you do if your DC was invited but didn't want to go to someone's house? Be honest like me, make excuses or send your DC against their wishes and hope they enjoy themselves when they get there?

bigchris Wed 09-Sep-09 13:07:05

i'd be honest
maybe invite her dd to yours and see if your dd likes that idea?

OhYouBadBadKitten Wed 09-Sep-09 13:08:26

I'd ask the mum if she minded you staying for the first time.

alarkaspree Wed 09-Sep-09 13:12:09

I think your approach is right, but texting probably isn't the best form of communication here. Why don't you call her and suggest the trip to the park after school?

Since you know your dd is cautious about visiting other people's houses, maybe next time it's better to check with her first before you accept the invitation. But it's not really a big deal and I very much doubt that the other mother is deeply offended.

PortAndLemon Wed 09-Sep-09 13:21:54

I'd probably have tried "how about DDX and DSX both come over to ours for a joint playdate with DD and DS and see whether DD gets over some of her shyness that way?"

Or, being cheeky "perhaps you could invite her to play with DDX next time DSX has DS over?"

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Wed 09-Sep-09 13:25:14

Firstly, I would not text. I would phone. This is exactly how miscommunication occurs. You do not know if she is busy so not received the text, or if she is offended, or if she does not want to push it any further. If you want a response that gives you a difinitive answer, if you want to talk about taking the children to the park you need to talk to her.

Flyonthewindscreen Wed 09-Sep-09 13:48:18

Thanks for your replies.

I agree that texting leads to miscommunication but missed speaking face to face with X this morning and didn't want to phone as her DH works nights and might be asleep. I will speak to her face to face at pick up.

I really don't fancy going down the me inviting both X's DC to mine for playdate instead route both my DC tired monsters atm and wild "double date" the last thing they need...

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