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Was anyone else scared about going for baby number two?

(7 Posts)
Stefka Tue 08-Sep-09 20:58:31

I had thought I would have my children close together but I found pregnancy difficult and although labour was not bad for me compared to many I found it distressing. I then had an awful time breastfeeding, DS had bad colic and DH did not pull his weight. I felt exhausted and depressed and had a bad relapse in an eating problem that I had struggled with in the past.

DS is now two and I feel lot better. I am back at work and loving it, DH currently stays at home and is much more involved. He says he realises now that he did not help enough at the start.

We are talking about having another but I am nervous mainly because I am scared I am not mentally up to it. The first year of DS's life wasn't much fun for me although I loved him to bits. I would hate to fall apart again like that and not be there for DS and the new LO. I am scared about the sickness and giving birth and all the changes in my body too. But I do want another baby.

Just wondered if anyone could relate.

Maveta Tue 08-Sep-09 21:03:59

hell yeah! ds 2.5 and we have tentatively agreed to think about trying again next year grin For ages I marvelled at people with small age gaps thinking they must have found it miles easier to be crazy enough to want another one so soon. But often they´ve said it was that bad they have to have another NOW or they will never be brave enough smile

I so desperately don´t want ds to be an only child and am worried it won´t happen straight away and there´ll be huge gap but all of that comes second to dh and I really truly feeling ready and really wanting another baby the same way we wanted ds. And right now I don´t.

norktasticninja Tue 08-Sep-09 21:17:55

Scared? Terrified would be a better word!

My situation was exactly as Maveta described. We really didn't want DD to be an only but found the baby phase so horrid challanging that we wanted it over and done with in as short a time as possible. If I'd waited until DD was older and more manageable I'd never have been able to start all over again. Never in a million years.

We decided to aim for an 18 month age to two and a half year a gap and ended up with 19 months. It was scary, not just to make the decision but all through the pregnancy too. I really doubted myself and if I'd manage.

DS is 3 months old now and it's hard work but it's great too and definitely doable. I'm so pleased we jumped in with both feet. DS is great and DD already loves him to pieces.

Stefka Tue 08-Sep-09 21:28:11

I am scared I won't cope and will go mental. I feel almost sane now and really don't want to revisist where I was after DS was born. He is brilliant though - and would love another little monkey running around the place. Just not sure I trust myself if that makes sense.

pigleychez Tue 08-Sep-09 21:55:11

Ive just found im pregnant with number 2-Planned. DD will be 22mths when this one arrives.

I go from excited to sheer panic! Im under no illusion that its gonna be hard work. But once the newborn days are over i guess it will get better and they will be able to play together as they get older.

I dont think theres ever a "right" time.. Theres pro and cons on whatever age gap you have.
At least your DH has realised he didnt help much and will be more prepare next time

noactionjackson Wed 09-Sep-09 14:02:00

My friend has had a baby 19 months after the 1st. she is having a pretty awful time as far as I can make out, and it's totally put me off having 2 close together. She is exhausted, DS1 behaves badly when she is BFing, he has turned into an aggressive little boy and I'm actually nervous to have my dd alone with him because he pinches and hits. Her DS2 has scratches and marks on him from DS1. Previously I found DS1 to be delightful. DS2 is not a smiler and I'm sure it's not connected, but she does say he's very "wary" when ds2 is around. I cannot imagine dealing with my 1st child's emotional battles whilst trying to care for a second, when the first child can't be reasoned with!

if you're going to do it, you need A LOT of help and support.

meep Wed 09-Sep-09 14:14:15

"I am scared I won't cope and will go mental". Stefka I said exactly the same thing when I was actually pregnant with dd2!

We agreed to start trying not to not get pregnat (IYSWIM) when dd1 turned one. I thought it would take ages - we conceived 1st go - I cried. Then the pregnancy hormones hit and I cried even more.

Had horrid birth with dd1 and really bad time bf which put me in a really black place.

But here I am now with a 19 month age gap and dd2 is not 5mo. I love it! I'm not saying it is easy all the time, but the immense overwhelming feelings I got with dd1 didn't happen second time round, and dd2 has just fitted in.

I had my dh primed to make me go to the doctor if I started exhibiting the same mad tendencies that I had with dd1. I am happy to say that no trips to the doctor have been needed.

It actually makes me feel quite sad about those first 6 months of dd1's life that I didn't emjoy as I am so enjoying this stage with dd2.

Agree that lots of support is good - if you can keep your DS in nursery a couple of days a week it makes life easier and gives you time to snuggle with your newborn unitterupted!

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