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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Ds has changed his mind about going to after school club after I have paid for it, AGAIN!

84 replies

andlipsticktoo · 07/09/2009 20:07

Please could anyone give me some good ideas, you clever mumsnetters, to encourage my ds3 (7) to go to the 'Mad Science' club that he so desperately wanted to go to until he changed his mind.

This isn't the first time.

He wanted to go to football club. So I paid the fee and on the day of the first lesson he bottled it and didn't want to go. No amount of persuasion from myself or the coach would sway hin. Luckily I got my money back.

He wanted to do 'multisports' with the rest of his class. He was very excited about doing it until the day of the first lesson. He changed his mind.

So when he came home with a letter for a super duper mad science after school club and excitedly declared he 'really wanted to do it', I reminded him of how things had gone previously, but he was 'absolutely sure' this time that he would go.

I paid the rather extortionate fee and it starts this thursday. He now doesn'twant to go.

I am sure he is just nervous and I have told him I will go with him to the first one, but he is adamant he will not go.

Do any of you have any fabulous ideas about how to cajole him into trying it??

OP posts:

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AnyFucker · 07/09/2009 20:10

I would make him go, tbh

He will enjoy it when he settles in

Will bribery work? A nice trip to the park afterwards? A promise of doing something just you two that he loves?

My own son would rather be a hermit and do nothing but school, but he gets dragged along I'm afraid (and has a good time, despite himself)

Mutt · 07/09/2009 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

geoffkates · 07/09/2009 20:14

I would be the same - just say that he is going and to remember this the next time he wanted to do something and then just pick him up after the club at 4.30 or whatever.

I wouldnt cajole - I would just tell him that he's trying it...

franklymydear · 07/09/2009 20:15

"I have paid. You are going"

LaurieFairyCake · 07/09/2009 20:16

The only reason he's allowed not to go is because you have allowed it twice already.

Send him, he will be fine.

DaisymooSteiner · 07/09/2009 20:18

Him child. You adult. You've paid. He goes.

andlipsticktoo · 07/09/2009 20:20

Well yes that's my attitude too, but at the last 2 clubs that he changed his mind about, the teacher came an d got me as he was refusing to go into the club! I then took him into the club crying and he sat in the corner creating a scene and trying to escape through the nearest exit.

Obviously there were consequences when we got home, but he is being quite determined about it.

I'd rather use some sort of positive encouragement than threats of punishment if he creates a scene.

OP posts:

Mutt · 07/09/2009 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

andlipsticktoo · 07/09/2009 20:23

He does go to swimming lessons, which he would also rather not do, but he has been doing that since he was 5.

OP posts:

geoffkates · 07/09/2009 20:24

Why do you have to meet him after school and then take him to the club? At ds' school you just pick them up afterwards and they make their own way to the club iyswim.

Could you pretend to sell something of his for the equivalent money?

stealthsquiggle · 07/09/2009 20:24

Having spent the weekend with friends, one of whom refuses to say 'no' to her child, I may not be entirely sane and balanced on this subject, but all the same:

FFS don't cajole, tell. You have paid. He's going. End of.

Metatron · 07/09/2009 20:25

Can't you be "at work"? get a chum to pickup any other kids?

andlipsticktoo · 07/09/2009 20:25

So how do I physically keep him at the club?

OP posts:

stealthsquiggle · 07/09/2009 20:25

how come you are even there to be fetched? Shouldn't you be far far away thereby leaving him no choice?

DaisymooSteiner · 07/09/2009 20:26

Well, we have a similar(ish) situation with ds2 who has suddenly decided he doesn't want to do football any more after 2 years of loving it. I'm fairly certain that it's because of being in with the 'big boys' and also that he'll enjoy it when he gets there. So I've said that he must go for 2 sessions and then he can stop going if he really doesn't like it. I'd be tempted to try something like that with your ds.

Other thing would be to find out if there's something in particular worrying him - did something happen at another club, does he miss you after being at school all day, is he worried about the other kids etc etc. Maybe you could go up to school and actually take him in for the first session to see if that will reassure him? Does he go to other clubs happily?

LIZS · 07/09/2009 20:27

He is 7 - he chose , so he goes until the subs run out. Even if he just sits and watches. They won't let him leave without an adult.

AnyFucker · 07/09/2009 20:28

is there a particularly warm member of staff at the club you could get on your side ?

someone to show him a little bit of extra attention for a while

Mutt · 07/09/2009 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

andlipsticktoo · 07/09/2009 20:32

No I don't have to pick him up, but I am at school to collect ds2 and the teachers know I am in the playground, so they come to get me if he decides he doesn't want to go.

And I do say no to my child. Frequently.
I also have 2 other children and I never have problems with them going to clubs. Ds3 is different.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 07/09/2009 20:32

We have a rule that any clubs paid for DD attends. She gets to chose if they are renewed once a new set of fees are due.

So I am afraid IMO, club paid for, he goes.

And if he makes a fuss the first time, he still goes week on week.

Does he get pocket money? If he still won't go - make him fork out the fees himself. He may stop wasting money if that happens.

stealthsquiggle · 07/09/2009 20:37

Sorry, OP - I was merely projecting on you all the frustration I didn't voice for the sake of a very old friendship at the weekend .

Um - alternative methods - would it have any impact on him if you made him pay you back for any sessions he chooses not to attend?

Metatron · 07/09/2009 20:38

I think you need to be tough with the teachers tbh. Would they phone a working parent to come and deal with it or would they just get on with it?

Honest I would prepare him for it, point out you won't be there to be got and get some one else to bring your wee one home to you.

Social story about going? How is he with other new experiences?

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andlipsticktoo · 07/09/2009 20:45

He was 7 this week.

He is generally a lovely, happy little boy, but his behaviour can be challenging sometimes, particularly when he has decided he really doesn't want to do something. I am always very firm with him when he is like this (and it is usually at the beginning or end of a term when he is tired and the routine has changed).

Unfortunately at the last 2 clubs he didn't want to even sit and watch, and short of sitting on him, he would not stay in the school playground.

I have offered to go with him to the first session of the science club, but he still does not want to go.

If I could just leave him there under the responsibility of the club staff, I would. My attitude too is, I have paid, therefore you go. I just know they will come and get me and I will either have to sit on him in the corner or leave.

I guess I was just hoping for some helpful suggestions, but many of you seem to see things in black and white. It's so easy when it's not your problem.

OP posts:

DaisymooSteiner · 07/09/2009 20:48

Hey, I've made some helpful suggestions I think

AtheneNoctua · 07/09/2009 20:48

Agree with Hula. Money spent means child attending. And, I would explain this to the child in very frank and grown up terms. Look, DD, you asked for this, I spent the money, and now you are committed. If you throw a strop when we get there, I'll sign you up for the spinach and mushroom eating contest.

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