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explaining conception to a 5-year-old

(10 Posts)
jupp Mon 07-Sep-09 14:06:57

My daughter, aged 5, told my husband this morning that she loves mummy more because if mummy had married another man, then she would have another dad. How do we explain to her that her dad played as a big role in her conception and in who she is as I did -- without going into graphic details about sex?

smee Mon 07-Sep-09 15:04:12

I wouldn't unless she asks again and if she does just say you're a mix of me and Daddy as we both made you. If she asks more tell her basic truths until she stops asking. Honestly it's not such a big deal if you keep factual and don't get embarrassed. Usually they get distracted anyway. I had to explain periods to my 5yr old DS the other day as he wanted to know what my tampons were for. He got bored so I didn't have to go very far.. grin

jupp Mon 07-Sep-09 15:07:02

TBH part of my worry is my husband, he was so upset about it... I need to do some damage control there too!

smee Mon 07-Sep-09 15:19:09

Most kids say they love one parent more than the other at some point. DS mostly wants me, but he so obviously loves his dad too that we take no notice. Maybe you should reassure your DH that it's normal and to take no notice as she doesn't mean it. I'd bet most people on here would have had similar from their DC at some point.

mathanxiety Mon 07-Sep-09 17:44:43

If she's 5 she's gone past the adoration of daddy phase and is now identifying with you. She knows you're 'mummy and daddy', but she also knows she's a girl and will be a 'mummy' (woman) some day.

hermykne Mon 07-Sep-09 22:41:50

jupp make very light of this, he'll be flavour of the day very soon
tell dh to go off for the dAY with her to the park or somethig. listen she'll be saying alot worse in the years to come.

EmilyBrownlovesStanley Tue 08-Sep-09 09:21:52

mathanxiety - what a ridiculous thing to say, plenty of girls over the age of 5 still adore their daddy!

ABetaDad Tue 08-Sep-09 09:36:23

Little girls and Dads.

As an outside observer they seem to have a sort of 'love - hate' relationship at times. I just wonder if she is playng the two of you off or trying to extract a favour from Dad? A 5 yr old girl at our DSs school ties her Dad in knots with her 'demands' when he is delivering her to school but with her Mum she is just a sensible little girl.

Not sure the 'conception' discussion is what she needs. Perhaps more of a little talk from you that Daddy is upset because he loves her just as much as you and she should go and say sorry to him.

smee Tue 08-Sep-09 14:12:17

I wouldn't even do that much ABetaDad. If she persists, then a quiet word yes, but don't make her feel guilty - I'm guessing you don't believe she said it manipulatively to hurt him jupp? If she did, that's different, but if not it's your DH who has to realise she doesn't mean it. As hermynke says, make light of it. Get him to laugh at it if you can.

jupp Thu 10-Sep-09 14:39:22

Well, I explained to DD that daddy was just as important as mummy in making her who she is, and she asked a few probing questions that I deflected, and then the next thing she told her dad was that she had of course been wrong in the morning and that she loves him just as much as she loves mummy. Which is where we will leave it for now.

I like the suggestion of them having some special time together, it always makes both of them feel good as he is away most of the week and misses the girls a lot more than he misses me I think... explaining why he was so upset about the whole thing.

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