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DD is worried I'm going to die

(12 Posts)
Sugarmagnolia Mon 07-Sep-09 09:39:47

DD(8) was watching the Lion King the other day for the first time in probably about 2 years. So 2 nights ago she tells me she is having trouble getting to sleep because had a bad dream the night before that bad people came and took me away. Then yesterday she announces she's going to write a script for the Lion King 3 - excellent, love to encourage a little creative writing!

It starts off with Queen Kiara and King Kovu having a baby called Nala (“in rememberance of Kiara's mother”). Kovu has to investigate things in the “outside lands” and tells Nala she can't come because it's too dangerous. Then Kovu gets killed and Kiara is so sad to lose her husband that she kills herself. The End. shock

I struggled to figure out how to react to that - I tried my best to tell her that I thought her story was wonderful and I was very proud of her for writing it but that the ending made me sad. Could she think of any other way the story could end? Sounded good in my head but prompted tears from DD and an explanation that that was just the story that came into her head! hmm

Shortly after that she breaks down into floods of tears and proper sobbing that she doesn't ever want to leave me and doesn't want me to die! sad

Poor thing, I just held her and let her cry and did my best to reassure her that I wasn't going anywhere for a long, long, long time.

She's fine this morning but left feeling a bit bewildered by the whole thing.

wheredidiputmyfone Mon 07-Sep-09 10:02:52

It is a bit weird when your DC starts talking about death, esp when it's yours, but IMO it's pretty normal.

My DD is 8 as well and she's been worried about her or me dying and leaving the other one on their own since she was about 4. It's perhaps a little easier for me because I'm a christian so I can say to her that when people die then it's their time to go and who are we to argue with God!

She seems to accept this, and has never got really upset about it to the point of crying or anything. Even though I can rationalise it like this, I'm still terrified something happening to her and being left here without her! A case of do as I say not as I do?? grin

Sugarmagnolia Mon 07-Sep-09 11:04:28

We've talked about it before as the DCs have lost a few great-grandparents in the last few years. I guess that's what happens when you are lucky to enough to have 4 living grandparents and 6 living great-grandparents (now 3 sad). The last was the hardest on them as we were very close and saw them virtually every week and it was only a few months ago.

edam Mon 07-Sep-09 11:07:24

Oh, poor little love. I guess you've explained that her great-grandparents were very old..?

Sugarmagnolia Mon 07-Sep-09 11:26:06

Yes, they understand that their papa was very old (nearly 90) and sick and that at that age it's hard for people to get better. It's still hard on them though and occasionally we all have a little cry about how much we miss him. I guess what took me by surprise about this latest episode was that it was obviously focused on ME dying or leaving her in some way.

Sugarmagnolia Mon 07-Sep-09 11:28:24

I know it's normal, it just makes my heart ache because i know that even if i live a long, longtime, one day there will come a time where I won't be able to protect them.

castille Mon 07-Sep-09 11:37:52

My 9yo DD is a bit preoccupied by illness and death at the moment, and is a bag of worries. But TBH I'm not happy about promising her that I will be around for a long long time when I have no idea what the future holds (not in a pessimistic way, just honest).

When I was a child my mother always told us that whatever happens there would always be someone to love us. And this I think is the most a parent can promise without a crystal ball.

I emphasise first though that most people die when they are old (luckily she has as yet no direct experience of premature death) and I don't anticipate leaving her until she's all grown up and can't stand the sight of me any more!

It's a tough subject.

Poledra Mon 07-Sep-09 11:43:56

Sympathy here - my 5-yo DD has had various episodes of tears about me dying/her daddy dying/anyone dying over the last year or so. The worst one was the night she was hysterical about 'what if all the grown-ups died, then the big ones <children of 3 years and over> died, then there would be no-one to give the babies their milk and all the babies would die.' There was absolutely no reason DH and I could think of to prompt this thought - she just came up with it. At least for this one, I could say it would never happen.

Recently, I told her I would love her forever, and she said 'Even after you die, Mummy?' So I said yes, even after I died. So she said 'That's alright then.' It seems to have reassured her a bit.

NotPregnantJustFat Mon 07-Sep-09 11:50:06

My DD is 5 and has been worried about me dying for the last year or so. Out of the blue she'll come and give me a big hug and say "mummy, I don't ever want you to die. I want to stay with you for ever and ever."

She also talks a lot about my parents dying and then how when she has children she will be the mummy and I will be the nanny. The whole circle of life thing...

Bless her, she also said "after you die mummy then I will be the nanny and then I will die and we wil be together in heaven." Bless her sad

edam Mon 07-Sep-09 11:51:34

I used to have nightmares about my family dying when I was little. Got upset at my sister dying, even more upset at my parents dying, and then used to wake up in tears when it had reached my cats dying!

It's tricky, because you can't promise you won't die - all you can do is say most people don't die until they are very old, like Granny X or Grandad Y and you have no plans to go anywhere.

Sugarmagnolia Mon 07-Sep-09 11:56:50

I know, I don't like promising something i can't guarantee and I'm normally such a stickler for honesty with my children. I didn't actually promise her I wouldn't die until I was very old, i just said I would never want to leave her and I was sure i'd be around for a long long time. Funny because she's normally so NOT a clingy child! Usually can't wait to be left alone to do things her own way LOL!

Unfortunately they also had the experience of a baby dying - a good friend of mine who had a stillbirth at 9 months. It was so awful for us but fortunately I don't think it was as real for the kids because they never knew him/can't imagine him.

kreecherlivesupstairs Mon 07-Sep-09 13:12:47

Tricky. DD 8.4 had an episode of being concerned about the mortality of those she loved about 6 months ago. I don't know what prompted it, but we'd wake up in the night to find her touching us to make sure we weren't dead(!). She did eventually stop, but this 'you won't die today/tomorrow/on the way home' phase lasted about 5 motnhs.

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