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Please help me to stop snapping and shouting at my children.

(7 Posts)
JanJam Fri 04-Sep-09 21:27:28

I am so short tempered with them sad They are the people I love the most and the people I treat the worst.
I don't hit them and if I shout it's not abusive names more like 'do that now before I get REALLY cross' etc but I'm always bloody shouting.
They go back to school on Monday and getting ready for the school run is one of the worst times, I'm dreading it. My dd is a real dreamer and if I send her to do something (like clean her teeth) 10 minutes later I'll find her reading a book or something else, anything but what I ask her! It's not her (or ds's) fault I shout though, it's entirely mine, what can I do to break this habit, when they've gone to bed I look back at the day and think all I've done is shout sad Please help!

fidelma Fri 04-Sep-09 21:45:49

firstly remember that you are only human.Sometimes you need to stand over then a bit to make sure that they do what you ask.Mine will do alot for 20p ages 9,7,4.So perhaps they have to get dressed in the morning make their bed and brush their teeth 20p.Our children have a chart on the fridge to add up the 20p.Empty dishwasher 20p etc etc.I have just opened a bank account with them and we are putting the money in monthly.A good game for all involved and I don't think that learning to earn money is a bad thing.wink

I also think about my day being in 3 parts.The morning shift WORK, day shift,some time for me.3pm-9pm WORK.It helps me focus on them and give them the time they need.

Don't worry tooooo much I am sure that you are a great Mum.You will find solutions that work for you.Remember tommorrow is another day !!

JanJam Fri 04-Sep-09 21:52:01

Thanks fidelma. I never used to shout so much. I'm just so short tempered, I hate it. I think bribery may well help, I might try that. It is hard though when you are bribing them to do things they just should do iykwim, better than punishing them for not doing it though I know.

Othersideofthechannel Fri 04-Sep-09 22:01:11

I'd avoid bribing them for things they should be doing. (Actually I'd avoiding bribing full stop)

Any way you can change your morning routine so that you are doing things with your DD so that she focuses on what needs to be done? Some kids need 'standing over' more than others.

My DS is a dreamer and although he is older than my DD yet she is already better at remembering what she needs to be done in the mornings. His mind is usually elsewhere.

On the bright side, he has really good concentration on whatever it is he is concentrating on. Constantly reminding myself of this helps me stay calm with him when he is distracted from getting ready.

Maj1 Sat 05-Sep-09 23:19:34

It might help your daydreamer if you have a little task chart for the morning where she can see what she needs to do or set a time challenge. Rather than money let the reward be time do do something she would like either later in the day or that weekend. We tend to shout because its the first tool to hand. It makes sense but it is also just a habit on our part. Your voice is a tool but you can also use tone as much as volume to do the trick and you will feel better. Mine are younger but i have started to just count to 3. so usually i ask nicely twice and I find most of the time I only get to 2 and they are on their way. Also remember any new thing you will try will take at least two weeks to establish. Best of luck

busybutterfly Sat 05-Sep-09 23:51:37

My DS1 is 7 and is a dreamer too (just like his dad and your DS!) We have a list of the basic things he needs to remember (he used to literally say "what do I do next?" and it was things like get dressed for school, put shoes on, brush teeth - drove me MAD). List helps us both! Good luck!

busybutterfly Sat 05-Sep-09 23:52:15

My DS1 is 7 and is a dreamer too (just like his dad and your DS!) We have a list of the basic things he needs to remember (he used to literally say "what do I do next?" and it was things like get dressed for school, put shoes on, brush teeth - drove me MAD). List helps us both! Good luck!

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