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What would you do?

(15 Posts)
TuTu Fri 04-Sep-09 20:44:25

Apologises in advance...this is going to be long.

DS is a loving gentle 6 year old who loves building lego, reading books, computer/wii time, painting, and anything creative. He is not remotely sporty and whilst i know i cant make him sporty, i want him to get exercise and be able to pass himself at some sports, to make later life a bit easier.

As far as sport goes he will ride his bike and swim, but spends most of his time mucking about rather than actually exercising.
He is the smallest and youngest in his class at school, and very much a softie and not at all streetwise.

I decided to bring him to a Saturday football club this summer along with his 4 yr football crazy brother. The youngest one absolutely loves it, tries his heart out and has done really well. My 6 yr old however is the slowest in the group, doesnt remotely try, actively avoids any possible ball contact, and asks several times when will it be over. I can see the other kids looking at him now and will be no time till they say something like "you're crap" and "we dont want you in our team" etc.

I have asked DS1 several times if he enjoys it and he says he does. he is genuinely proud of how well his little brother is doing and not at all jealous. I have said he doesnt have to go back and he says he wants to.

A new 10 week course starts in the morning and i just dont know what to do. Should i let DS1 go even though when hes there he looks like a total misfit, or should i try to talk him out of it. I dont want to give up on it as i see great benefits in terms of exercise, chance to mix with other kids, chance to toughen up a bit. But my heart tells me i am trying to make him be something thats he's not.

So please help... what would you do?

colditz Fri 04-Sep-09 20:47:11

If he's enjoying it, let him go ... but try offering him something else as an alternative, that you can only afford to do one or the other, so if he chooses the other he won't feel like he's 'giving up' on football.

Hassled Fri 04-Sep-09 20:47:45

I would come up with an alternative, tbh. He sounds absolutely wonderful, but it doesn't sound like football will ever be his forte. No point prolonging the agony.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 04-Sep-09 20:49:37

If he isn't enjoying it and doesn't want to do it, don't make him.

TuTu Fri 04-Sep-09 21:06:30

Thanks for the replies, and you are telling me what i know is right. Difficulty is there are no real alternatives as DH works most Saturdays, and DS2 is just so into his football and has got player of the week a few times, so would be unfair for him to miss out if we didnt go at all.

TuTu Fri 04-Sep-09 22:25:13

should i just tell him i dont think its his thing, and he can just watch with me, and then we'll all do something together in the afternoon

labyrinthine Fri 04-Sep-09 22:29:23

No,I think that sounds a bit damning and would stop him trying etc.
If he wants to go then let him go ~he might get more into it as time goes by and surprise you!

TuTu Fri 04-Sep-09 22:43:43

i am really struggling with this one. it would be so much more clear cut if he did tell me he didnt want to go.

ThingOne Fri 04-Sep-09 23:01:43

I would let him go. I agree with lab. He may well surprise you.

My DS1 is 5.9. He's not very sporty but average. My DS2 is three and incredibly able.

My DS1 has now surprised me with many things. He's good at throwing, he's holding his own at judo, despite being very small, and he's made amazing progress at swimming (seeing his little brother bob has given him confidence).

dairymoo Fri 04-Sep-09 23:15:41

If he says he enjoys it, let him do it. Just because he isn't the best (or as good as his brother)doesn't mean that he shouldn't be given the opportunity.
I say this as someone who is extremely sporty and dearly hoping that my DDs are too, but I plan on encouraging them to take part and get involved even if they aren't particularly sporty.

Being told that he can just watch his younger brother would be pretty demeaning I think...

dairymoo Fri 04-Sep-09 23:17:28

Definitely don't tell him 'it's not his thing'.

TuTu Fri 04-Sep-09 23:29:36

Thanks again. Its hard to explain how contradictory it is when he tells me enjoys it, but when hes there he spends his time doing anything but focus on the football. He plays with the goalpost (to the point of not even realising when goals scored), he scores own goals, he plays with the pitch, he walks rather than runs after the ball. i dont know whether he is just going thinking it will please me, or is he just oblivious to how he is getting on.

maryz Fri 04-Sep-09 23:32:50

I would let him go, if he enjoys it. Until they get to team picking, and leaving children out, it will be fine.ds1 was the worst player on the rugby field (by far) at the age of 7. By 10 he was one of the best, and at 13 was playing with children 2 years older than him.

If he is not sporty and doesn't want to continue, try something like scouting - non-competitive activities for children. Also, try to get to know some other children your ds2's age, so sometimes you can do a child swap and take ds1 somewhere else WHILE ds2 is playing football, then it isn't a case of play or watch, which is a hard choice for a child to make.

TuTu Fri 04-Sep-09 23:41:19

Thanks Mary, that is really encouraging. i so want to do the right thing for him.

labyrinthine Sat 05-Sep-09 00:08:49

maybe he is just quite a cerebral child and he is day dreaming during the game~when he gets older and focuses a little more he will go after the ball etc.
Judging from our football sessions he won't be the only one~ds is usually trying to engage someone in conversation while suddenly it all kicks off!

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