Parents of 3, is your life much easier when you lose one for a few days?

[OrmIrian]

I have 3. And I have noticed that it doesn't make any difference which one goes away, life is 100% times easier when they do. I feel bad admitting that but there it is.

DD has been away on a school trip since Monday and I have missed her a lot. But I am also dreading getting her back as all of a sudden it will be harder again.

How the hell does anyone cope with more than 3?

[saintmaybe]

God it's so true

3 here too, and it makes no difference which one it is, the whole family dynamic is completely different. And the 2 who are left get on really well and play with each other

I wonder sometimes if I had 4 maybe they'd split into pairs and it would be easier? Though there's no obvious 'one left out'; I've got ds1,12, ds2, 10 and with autism, and very different, and dd who's 5. Baffles me.

[MilaMae]

Oh yes.

I notice it's easier even if 2 are playing a game and 1 isn't. The instant all 3 are playing it's often instant bickering.

I was going to start a thread asking for some tips from those with 3 that don't have this problem.

I think it's the 2's company,3's a crowd thing but I'm determined to sort it out. Sometimes my 3 will play beautifully all together so I know it's possible and it's lovely to see.

[Fennel]

No, in fact it gets harder, the remaining dds are more bored. With mine now (3dds aged 9,8,5) it's easier with all 3 than with one or two. Though dd1 and dd2 fight a lot they get bored much more quickly when the other is out.

And both of them play a lot with dd3, and take her out to play or round to her friends' houses, which makes life a lot easier. If they aren't here I have to do all that.

[haventsleptforayear]

Sorry only 2 here but you've just reassured me about going for number 3 - I feel like it's a HUGE change to dynamics!

[OrmIrian]

haventslept - it is! A massive change. I wouldn't have thought it possible how massive TBH.

So glad it's not just me. DS#2 is very high-maintenance so logic dictates it should be him that makes the most difference - but he's never been away and it's still easier when one of the others go. They do tend to get on best in pairs - tis rare that they all get on together at the same time. But it's not just the way they interract together, it's the amt of time DH and I have together and with them - we are much less stressed. It's almost as if it's better if there is one parent to each child.

[Fennel]

My 3rd is an utter charmer and both her sisters' favourite, I think our family dynamic is better for having her as otherwise we'd have two girls close in age but very different in personality, dd2 very competitive and intense. dd3 lightens things up. She won't get drawn into her sisters' squabbles and tries to keep the peace between them.

if my 3rd had been my hardest I might feel differently.

[BonsoirAnna]

Absolutely.

[OrmIrian]

"if my 3rd had been my hardest I might feel differently"

Yes... I suspect that is our problem DS#1 and DD lulled us into a false sense of security. We used to think we were quite good parents.....

[rupertsabear]

Yesterday I had just 1 of my 3 for the whole day and it was amazingly lovely.

[BonsoirAnna]

Yesterday I had three in the morning, 1 at lunchtime (DSS1), none in the afternoon, and 1 in the evening (DD).

One of the fab things about stepchildren and their two homes is the rotation!

[OrmIrian]

Perhaps I should suggest that to DH Let's seperate so we can share the DC out!

[bronze]

4 to 3 is the same. It just changes the dynamics

[thisisyesterday]

yes. well, i haven't yet lost one for a few days. but if my mum has one of them then yes, it's much easier.

mine arte all quite small still though, so it's things like when the older 2 are both being little shits i can't just grab onto them both because i'm holding a baby.
and things like that.
it is so much more work than 2 was.

[hannahsaunt]

When I had 2, getting shot of one made it 100% easier. Same is true now we have 3, suddenly 2 seems like a doddle. So when we have 4 ...

[castille]

Yes, how come the absence of my oldest, most independent and helpful child makes things seem easier, eh?

[OrmIrian]

Exactly castille! DD is the ony child that gets up on time, gets herself ready for school without endless prompting, goes to bed early (when she's tired) and is generally less hassle than the other 2 put together. It doesn't make sense.

[luckylady74]

Ours have just started staying the night at grandparents in pairs and it's bliss. So cheap to visit a restaurant when there's only 3 of us and they can only spill one drink and how much noise can one child make?
Always feel like it's a bit of a trial for the other parent when they have all 3 if one of us needs to get on with jobs around the house - 1 or 2 children seems fine.
I'm a bloody brilliant parent when I have 1, alright when I have 2 and haphazard at best with 3!

[BonsoirAnna]

castille - it's much the same for us. If DSS1 is not here, life seems like a breeze - yet he is pretty independent.

I think it's that the older they get, the more affirmed their personality and the more space (physical and metaphorical) space they take up. Which is why we are eventually glad when they leave home....

[Fennel]

lol, my middle one has an, ahem, "affirmed" personality, she's had it from birth. It's certainly quieter when she's not here, and many times in the holidays I long for her to be at school, she can be such a pest. But even so, I do notice that when she's not here the others wander around aimlessly, they're a bit more bored. She entertains the others, if only by arguing and constant restless movement.

[OrmIrian]

snort at affirmed personality! I think we have discussed this subject before fennel. Your DD and my youngest DS are of a type I seem to remember

[OrmIrian]

DD is back. I rang her just now. And she rattled on for 10mins about everything So nice to hear her voice.

[juuule]

I think it's probably a case of things being easier if you have 1 less than you normally have.

If you are used to 3, then 2 will be easier.
If you have 4 then 3 will be easier
and so on and so on.