My parents separated ten years ago; it was a pretty amicable split. My dad remarried a couple of years ago and my mother also has a well-established new relationship, but my parents remain in regular and reasonably cheerful contact with one another.
When our dd was born 2 ½ years ago, obviously you start wondering what she might call the various grandparents. My dad ? who at that time was just about to remarry - was uncomfortable with my mum?s new partner being called ?granddad? (well, since they live in Germany, the term?s actually ?Opi?) -, in his words ?especially since they?re not married?.
My mum and her new partner, F, found this deeply hurtful, especially since he loves children and is not likely to have any grandkids that are biologically his. While we as the parents tried to respect my dad?s wishes, my mum & partner have been quietly insistent that he be called granddad, signing every card, dedication etc with ?Opi F,? and making a point of calling him that to dd?s face ? initially mainly out of our earshot but now increasingly open. I thought it was a bit underhand way of going about it but seeing how much dd means to her step-granddad I?ve not intervened; my dad?s safely away in Asia and thus unlikely to find out about this anyway.
Now my mum & F are planning to get married; my mum told my dad via email and just HAD to add the dig ?I trust that this makes it now acceptable to refer to F as Opi F?. My dad, having initially replied simply ?congratulations!!!!?, followed this up with to send a pretty pointed reply of ?You may note that my wife is only ever referred to as auntie V? ? and he just told me on the phone he?s still not happy with my soon-to-be stepdad being called Opi, married or not.
Now I know that the only reason my Dad?s new wife is called Auntie is because of her age ? she?s much younger than him; when they got married I automatically asked if she?d be ?grandma V? from there on in.
Personally, while I love my Dad dearly, I find his attitude a bit petty; it?s as if he?s trying to exclude my mum?s new partner from the family. My husband on the other hand reckons whether we like it or not, we should respect my Dad?s wishes.
I personally just wish my parents could sort this without falling out with one another for good, and without me ruining my relationship with either. Sadly I?m really scared that this issue is so deep and emotive that it really could all go horribly wrong.
Has anyone got any sage advice? Gone through similar stories? Come up with good naming alternatives for step-grandparents?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.
Parenting
What to call step-grandparents
38 replies
Seriya · 01/09/2009 20:55
OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom ·
01/09/2009 21:19
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn
mrsjammi ·
01/09/2009 21:24
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.