Help me help my husband be a bit more patient with our toddler

[thaliablogs]

Our dd is 23 months. She is a pretty normal toddler from what I can tell, a bit ahead on language but otherwise on track. Her little brother was born at the beginning of July and she's taken to him quite well, and seems quite accepting of the massive amounts of time I spend feeding him (I have low supply so it's a full time job). I was working until a week or so before he was born so she's not seeing that much less of me probably than she did before. Also in terms of transitions, her beloved nanny resigned just after the baby was born and left a few weeks ago, so she's had quite a bit to deal with.

So the problem is that she is a bit whiny and prone to bursting into fits of hysterical tears when things don't go her way - for example this evening when she couldn't get the packets of infant gaviscon back into the box. Also, she asks for food constantly, particularly in the afternoon. She eats incredibly well at meal times and is offered snacks mid morning and mid afternoon when she wakes from her nap, but asks for food from that snack all the way through to dinner. Since she's pretty chubby we're trying not to feed her so much, but I can't tell if she's really hungry or just likes to eat and hence asks for more and more 'snacks'. These food requests get pretty whiny.

LIke I said, I think this is fairly normal, but the constant whining, tantrums and requests for food drive my husband batty, and I'm sure she picks up on this. He gets quite grumpy and starts to get quite controlling with her, not letting her play with her teaset in case she makes a mess, etc. I know he's dealing with this a lot more than I am as I'm off feeding the baby, so it's not a critique, but I am a bit worried about him so wondering if anyone has any advice for how I help him find his reserves of patience - she's going to be like this for a while so I feel we've got to get used to it to some extent. I've raised it with him but he tends to see it as nagging so I don't think I've been that helpful yet.

I guess advice on toddler whining and tantrums also welcome!

[Colonelcupcake]

He needs to understand she is very young and has had a tough time of it in her world lately, maybe if he saw other less well behaved typical messy toddlers ( i can send my two boys if you would like) he would start to understand that whining is part of having toddlers.

You say you are off feeding, does this mean you are in a difrent room? I had my two a year a part and when I was feeding baby I had toddler snuggled next to me so he didn't feel baby was getting all the attention ( i basically ignored the feeding baby and gave him loads of attention once I was done)

It is very hard but as the baby stops feeding as much it will get a fair bit easier

[LadyOfTheFlowers]

Sounds a bit of a cop out I know, but I always say to my DH 'Can you just try to see it from his point of view? He is 3 yrs old, you are 28, give him a break' or something along those lines....