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Has anyone got a 5 or 6 year gap between first and second child?

(51 Posts)
lucy5 Mon 30-May-05 16:34:53

I am trying to make my mind up about having another baby, my dd is 4.5. I keep feeling that maybe I have left it too long. Will they be companions with such a gap? Do I want to go back to the baby thing? How will dd feel? Can I cope with the thought of never being preggers again? I know only I can make this decision but would love to hear your experiences, i'm 34 now so I if im going to do it, I feel it should be sooner rather than later, this is obviously a personal choice.

lou33 Mon 30-May-05 16:40:58

i have 4y 8m between the first two. Dd1 was great with dd2, and the following 2 ds's. Though i do now have teenage and toddler tantrums to deal with!

lucy5 Mon 30-May-05 16:42:10

Thanks! Sounds like you've got your hands full.

lou33 Mon 30-May-05 16:44:07

they range from 13 to 4

charliecat Mon 30-May-05 16:55:04

I havent but my cousin has, my first nephew is 8 and my 2nd is just under 2. I would say fromn the outside looking in that having a bigger age gap makes it a sight lot less stressful for mum, first nephew LOVES being a big brother and second one loves being doted on.
She knew she was going to get a shock going back to the baby thing but as you do has coped remarkably. Do what feels right!

lucy5 Mon 30-May-05 17:02:10

Thats the problem, I just can't make up mind. Some weeks I definetly want to do it other weeks I think, ive just gone back to work and dd has just started school and my horizons are broadening again. The problem is I cant imagine never being pregnant again.

sammac Mon 30-May-05 17:32:18

I've got almost 8 years between dd and ds. Dd says (most days) that it's the best thing that ever happened to her. Not planned that way, just the way things turned out.

Eaney Mon 30-May-05 17:36:09

I have a great relaationship with my sister who is 9 years older than me wheras my sister who is 3 yeards older is a stranger. My son is 5 years older than his sister but I don't worry about their relationship because of my experience and so far big brother loves his baby sister. The baby stage is difficult but I remember lots from first time around so I feel ok about it.

lucy5 Mon 30-May-05 17:38:03

We moved country and put off having another when I was so broody. We are settled now so perhaps I should throw caution to the wind and stop analysing everything.

suedonim Mon 30-May-05 17:55:08

I have 4.5yrs, 8yrs and 9yrs between my four - they span 21 yrs! There's no guarantee that siblings close in age will get on, (I got on better with my siblings who were 5 and 8yrs older than me, than with my 2yrs-younger-bro!) so I reckon you've nothing to lose.

stitch Mon 30-May-05 17:56:13

there is a 6 year age gap between my younger sis and youngerst sis. no problems there.
4y 3m between my ds1 and ds2. there are lots o things they cant do, but lots they can. and ds1 loves being older , and having the benefits of it too. ds2 loves having an older brother to play with. etc

nellie245 Mon 30-May-05 17:59:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emily05 Mon 30-May-05 18:00:53

Lucy - If you want another baby - just go for it! If you really feel that you would like to be a mum again then the rest will fall into place. I am close to my sister - who is 9 years younger than me. If you feel ready to have another one then I would.

stitch Mon 30-May-05 18:03:19

having has 3 of my own, and being one of four, i think its very good for children to have siblings. whatever the age gap. i often feel that my eldest missed out on a lot bcos he was an only child for so long.

lucy5 Mon 30-May-05 18:07:20

Thanks all, I am 19 years older than my younger brother and we get on well, my sister is 16 years older and they cant stand each other. I just worry about how dd will react, I look at her sometimes and wonder how I could do it to her and then I look at her other times and wonder how I could not do it to her.

ambrosia Mon 30-May-05 18:16:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mancmum Mon 30-May-05 18:16:52

do it--- I think it will work as I think it is good to have siblings, no matter what the age gap... mine have 3.5 years which i know is not as big as yours but it has been fabulous -- my ds was overjoyed at DDs arrival and was old enouhg to enjoy it without any tantrums or jealousy.. seeing him looking after her or more often her terrorise him makes me so pleased we did it..

WideWebWitch Mon 30-May-05 18:22:40

I've got a 6yr gap, mainly due to divorcing so dd (she's now 1.5, ds is 7.5) is new dp's, not ex dh's. It's a lovely gap, ds is a sweetie with his sister and you're not getting on at 34, I had dd at 37. It's a pita from a pov of suddenly going back to nappies/buggies/sleepless nights but that bit will be over soon enough and I don't regret it a bit.

lucy5 Mon 30-May-05 19:48:36

All good so far I think I get the message,

ja9 Mon 30-May-05 19:51:40

theres 5.5 yrs of a gap btwn me and my wee sis. we've always been really close. i kind of 'mothered' her when she was a baby ( the way a 5 yr old girl would).. was delighted to finally have a sibling. we are great chums now too.

Dior Mon 30-May-05 19:54:24

Message withdrawn

bensmum3 Fri 03-Jun-05 19:32:36

I had a 3 year gap between dd and ds1, then neary 6 years till ds2, the elder 2 fight all the time, although they do admit they care for each other too, but they are both really good all the time with ds2 and he adores both of them.

aloha Fri 03-Jun-05 19:39:13

I think nearly everyone feels guilty about 'imposing' a sibling on their precious firstborn, but really, for ds having a baby sister it is the best most exciting thing ever. It's only a three and a half year gap but there is a ten year gap between dh's firstborn and ds, and a thirteen year gap between her and dd, and she loves her siblings. I'd say do it.
IMO the baby stage is very lovely when you know it is your last child.

nell12 Fri 03-Jun-05 19:40:59

8 1/2yrs btwn ds and dd (now 7m old) the relationship between the two is fab. DS is the only one guaranteed to make her laugh and they both absolutely adore each other. The gap made it easier on me as I can ask for help (except in the nappy region!) from ds. We make the effort to spend lots of quality time with ds which i think has made the transition easier on him. There are 15m between me and my brother and we don't get on at all so, although I would never have planned the cards fate delt us, I would not have things any other way now!

bilbs Fri 03-Jun-05 19:52:57

5 year gap between my two - and its worked brilliantly! Was on maternity leave when eldest started school. It was great beingweith the other mums! Had day to bond with baby without any jealousy. She loves her baby brother and is a great big sister! Has also helped me consider more carefully our relationship and make more efforts to do girlie things together without baby

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