DD4, who is 10, has a "boyfriend" - very innocent, all hand-holding and the VERY occasional kiss-on-the-lips . I have no objections to this, as he is a very nice little boy. They have seen each other three or four times during the holidays but it's never been only them, there have always been other friends there as well.
This morning, DD came downstairs and asked if she could invite this boy over to ours sometime this week. Now, I have no objections to this, only a bit of a dilemma. If she had a girl friend over to play, they would go and play in her bedroom, probably with the door shut, as that is where all DD's stuff is and she wouldn't want to be disturbed by her brothers and sisters.
I'm probably being ridiculous and overthinking this, but I don't want to set a precedent for DD being allowed boyfriends in her room, especially not with the door closed. I can forsee all sorts of problems with how I then stop her again. I mean, how do I know which boyfriend should be the first one I stop going in her room? And, in the (admittedly very unlikely) event that she is still going out with this boy in three or four years time, do I just say to him one day, "Oh, I'm sorry, X, you can't go in DD's room any more because I think you might get up to something"?
On the other hand, I don't want to make DD think that I think that she might want to do things with her "boyfriend". Obviously they're not going to, and they're not even at an age where they'll be thinking about it. But if I tell her that she and X can't play in her room, she will ask me why not, and then what do I say?
My ds often have girls upstairs to play on the x-box or watch a film but they know Im up and down the stairs and will occasionally pop my head around the door for who wants tea or a snack or a juice etc and if im particularly worried I make my 8 yr old 'chaperone' .
With DDs 1 and 2 I would never have thought about the situation like this. It's just some of the things their friends got up to at the ages of 12-13 make me a bit and wonder if DD4 is more mature than I realise...
I have a doors open policy for playing. DD is only 7y at present so has boys and girls to play with no concerns at all over kissing, etc. But I just like to know what is going on regardless, esp as DD has a laptop upstairs capable of going on the internet. I will retain this rule as she gets older and certainly as she gets to teen years and boys are involved.
TBH my parents had a similar rule and we were never bothered by it. I shared a room with my sister, who was 10 years younger, but we each had some private no-sibling time, so my parents just made sure we kept to it where possible.
At 10, he's a friend who is a boy. When she reaches puberty, you can talk to her about how she is changing, how her feelings and behaviour etc may change now, and what is appropriate will also change. Till then, I wouldn't worry any more than you would when she has a girl friend round to play.
AMuminScotland - thanks, yes I think at some point I do need to talk to her about how her feelings will change at puberty. She is very mature for her age though so I think it should be sooner rather than later. They do sex education in the first term of next school year so perhaps that would be a good starting point.
I won't mention anything to DD for now and I will let her have him round, but I will be popping in from time to time just to check on them.