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Not bullying, just normal girl stuff. How to help DD (5) deal with it?

(7 Posts)
doggiesayswoof Mon 24-Aug-09 10:07:22

DD has just started school - she's just 5 and in P1 (Scotland)

She goes on the school bus and is friends with a little girl who's in the year above. There is another girl who's a year older again and she seems to stir things up a bit on the bus and gang up on DD with the middle girl

It's the usual:

You're a baby

You're not coming to our parties

DD told me this and said she had called them babies too. Then said a bit anxiously "was that the right thing to say?"

I waffled a bit about how it didn't mean they weren't her friends and they were just teasing, etc but she was clearly a bit nervous about getting on the bus again this morning.

What would you say/have you said in this situation? I don't necessarily want to tell her what to say, I want to help her find her own way through it IYSWIM

She is on this bus every day and she's always going to be with these girls.

simplesusan Mon 24-Aug-09 10:48:25

Hi Kids can be mean sometimes.
We had problems with my dd (who is now 12) when she was little. Sometimes small things can be the hardest to deal with as they appear trivial iyswim but niggle away.
It is hard for a 5 year old to think of something to say. What I tell my dd, admittedly she is older so it is easier for her, is to look at the "bully" with a frown/contempt and say something like "who cares" and then look away from that person and start a polite/happy conversation with another friend. This gives the impression of not giving a flying f about the "bully" or giving any credit to anything they have to say. So far this has worked!
I always told my dd that people like that only do it for a reaction and because they feel insignificant themselves.
When dd was about 8 her so called best friend told her at my dd's birthday party to which said friend was invited, that my dd would not be coming to her party!!!!
Eventually, after many long painful years, the message got through to my dd that the said best friend was in fact a horrible, unkind person and now dd seams to be able to suss out who her real friends are.

Sorry for long post!

doggiesayswoof Mon 24-Aug-09 10:56:27


It's tricky because the middle girl (who's just a year older) really is DD's friend

She's a lovely little girl and looked after her on her first day etc

I think the oldest one is a bit mischievous

But I really don't think this is bullying - I'm trying not to react too much

I think the bigger girls are a bit puffed up because they are P2 and P3 now and they get to lord it a bit - they're not thinking of the impact on DD (well that's my feeling anyway)

I don't want it to become an issue. I suggested to DD that she ignores them or just says she's not bothered about their parties etc. But she is so young, it will be hard (or impossible) for her not to rise to it.

crumpet Mon 24-Aug-09 11:01:47

My dd enjoyed my suggestion that she roll her eyes and say somehting like "there you go again.."

stealthsquiggle Mon 24-Aug-09 11:06:38

This is what the disdainfully delivery of "whatever" was made for wink.

God help me, my DD is 2.10 and already does the "you're not my friend, you're not coming to my party" shock - we just laugh at her!

stealthsquiggle Mon 24-Aug-09 11:07:15

disdainful delivery blush - can't type this morning.

doggiesayswoof Mon 24-Aug-09 12:07:50


yes - DD is very good at delivering that one at me and DH - but not so sure she could pull it off in this new situation...

She has had this sort of thing at nursery before, "you're not my friend" - I'm sure she dishes it out to others too

But I feel a bit worried about this particular situation because she is the only P1 girl on the bus so is singled out by default.

Any ideas about helping her think through it rather than just telling her what to say?

I mean I was trying to explain about why people do this and how it sometimes doesn't mean much and can all change the next day but it was going over her head.

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