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If your toddler is naughty or having a strop, do you refuse breastfeeding?

(16 Posts)
RoRoMommy Thu 20-Aug-09 07:55:53

My DS is 29 months and a really avid breastfeeder. when he's upset, he asks for "tito", and I give it to him unless there are other, more obvious ways of comforting him (he bumps his head, I kiss it, for example), or it is impossible or inconvenient at the time.

But I do not refuse or withhold breastfeeding if he's having a strop and requests it, as I find it calms him quite effectively. My husband thinks this is coddling, and that tito should be refused if he is being naughty. I don't want to use breastfeeding as behaviour currency. Am I being unreasonable? What do others do?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 20-Aug-09 08:00:35

DS is only 12 months so I haven't been in your situation, but I agree with you and think your husband is wrong.

Your DS associates BF with comfort and with your love - if you start withholding that as a punishment then he will probably see it as rejection.

lljkk Thu 20-Aug-09 09:06:03

I would cuddle a toddler in a strop so I might let him breastfeed, too. But I only bfed mine up to about 22 months typically, so haven't ever felt like they were naughty.

I'm not much into the idea of "disciplining" an under 3, very hard to do meaningfully, ime.

LittleMissTuffet Thu 20-Aug-09 11:20:32

You don't refuse breastfeeding because he tantruming, you refuse it because he is 29 MONTHS!!!

Babieseverywhere Thu 20-Aug-09 13:37:50

Out of interest what age is acceptable for you ?

I am interested as a tandem nurser of a 1 year old DS and 3 year old DD.

peanutbutterkid Thu 20-Aug-09 14:50:07

LMissTuffet, you refuse it, if that's how you want to handle things. But other people may validly choose to do different.
Can you manage that, you know, a little tolerance with other people's choices?

moondog Thu 20-Aug-09 14:52:40

What a bloody weird and twisted way of thinking ,to refuse a small child the warmth and love and reassurance he needs.

Your dh is nuts. hmm
I'd have gone right off mine if he said something like that.

RoRoMommy Fri 21-Aug-09 10:16:55

Thanks everyone. I've spoken to my mum and DH in light of your responses and I think a light may have switched on in their heads. My mom said something like, well if he's being naughty by not eating his dinner, then I don't think he should bf. Otherwise she said she understood why it would be a helpful/useful thing rather than undermining discipline.

DH just nodded and said, okay, fine. I agree. Which is code for, I am tired of arguing about it so I give up.

Oh well!

Danceaway Fri 21-Aug-09 10:21:02

RRM, you sound a wonderful mummy and glad all sorted now. Glad the bf'ding is going so well for you. I stopped when mine were just over a year and missed it v much; though even then people (dh included) thought it had possibly gone on a bit too long...!! Hate the current 'do i look like i need more xx' formula ads on TV.

RoRoMommy Fri 21-Aug-09 11:10:01

Thank you Danceaway. I can't express how lovely it feels to have someone say that committing to extended breastfeeding makes me a good mummy (rather than somehow a freak, which is what I normally gather from stares, negative comments, or just a lack of support/encouragement).

Danceaway Fri 21-Aug-09 11:39:07

I think it's wonderful. Both of mine stopped of their own accord, though I had been combining with bottles for a few months. You should be applauded; not least for tolerating those stares.
I feel quite strongly that if you can do it, breastfeeding is a natural and right thing to do.
I find the whole 'my breasts belong to me (and poss my husband)' argument completely ridiculous!

WhereTheWildThingsWere Fri 21-Aug-09 11:47:39

I know you have resolved this but my thinking would be you wouldn't withhold bfing in that situation as it is a 'comfort' rather than a treat, if one of mine was having a tantrum I wouldn't give them a toy or a sweet for example, but I would give them (if they wanted it) a cuddle or indeed, a feed.

The world can be quite scarey and frustrating when you are small, tantrums arn't always 'naughty' sometimes they just need their mum and maybe her boobs to make it all

RoRoMommy Fri 21-Aug-09 17:28:20

Thank you WTWTW! And great name...

moondog Fri 21-Aug-09 17:59:38

'My mom said something like, well if he's being naughty by not eating his dinner, then I don't think he should bf'

Sorry, I can't get my head around someone seeing not eating dinner as naughty. That sets up a very weird relationship with food.

If you don't want to eat, don't eat.
What's the big deal?

moondog Fri 21-Aug-09 18:01:12

I also think your mother should keep her nose out of it. You are indeed donig a fabulous thing by breastfeeding for so long.The pride and joy will remain with you forever.

twinmam Fri 21-Aug-09 18:17:29

Well done Roromommy. Sounds like you're doing a fab job. I reckon that anything (within reason) that calms down a stropping toddler is worth doing and I feel v uncomfortable with the idea of withholding anything associated with love. As long as you feel happy with this situation - and it seems that you do - then sod everyone else.

Am also loving that your DS has given bf the name of a Yugoslavian dictator grin Bless him!

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