How polite are you to your dc?(13 Posts)
says it all really
dd is 23m
I don't shout and I try not to snap (unless in NOT IN YOUR MOUTH type emergencies) - I do do the Tough Mummy voice though.
But generally there are lots of please and thank you
so standing up in he highchair gets 'Bottom down, please' and 'Thank you, good sitting' when she does it; earpiercing shrieking in supermarket gets 'Tiny Badger! What a noise! Quiet please! That's better';
attempts to grab the book I am reading get 'This is mummy's book - how about you find a dd book?'
I suppose I am a soft old hippy, but I think she deserves to be spoken to with at least a modicum of respect. Of course I'm also hoping she'll copy it...
DH, on the other hand, thinks nothing of saying 'Get OUT the WAY!' if she wanders in front of the tv, snatching (harmless but not hers) things out of her reach without explanation, and generally treating her in a way (I hope) he wouldn't dream of treating an adult or even an older child, and it makes me uncomfortable.
What do you do?
And do you and DP have similar styles or do you rub uneasily along?
i had this discussion at a baby group once and someone said that for one day we should all talk to our children the way we would to friends children who were visiiting us.
i thought it was a stupid idea until i tried it and was at how snappy i could be with my own dc sometimes, i would never dream of talking to another child like that.
i suppose there will always be a diffrence because we are not parenting other children and trying to teach them right from wrong but it still taught me that i can be a grumpy cow to my dc at times.
totally agree with you - but for me it's about teaching by example, as well as respect. we can't expect them to talk politely, say excuse me, please and thank you if we don't do it ourselves. dh is similar to me - although a bit more prone to use what you might call a level 2 voice in the first instance - ie a strict almost cross sounding request in stead of a cheery one. though after many complaints from both dds and myself he has made a real effort to curtail this. and even his strict voice has pleases in it
its how they learn - i think its beasic stuff - but seeing other parents - perhaps not.
they don't suddenly say please aged 5 do they?
I do, I'm hoping if I'm polite to ds he'll grow up being polite to everyone else... I always say please and thank you to him, even when it's a request to stop pulling my hair, or jabbing me in the face with a Thomas the Tank engine toy
just read again about your Tough Mummy voice - i think that's right when correcting something undesirable - mine and dds' issue with dh's tough voice was that he used it when asking them to do something (eg wash your hands, hang you coat up, go and put your shoes on). It had a (not wholly unjustified) air of "I know you're not going to do this" about it.
oh yes, the Tough Mummy voice is for 'No hitting! We don't hit.' etc
I always say please and thank you, I figure he won't learn if I don't, but like you my DP can be a bit more... blunt, I suppose. He is great with praising when DS does something (putting something in the bin perhaps) but requests can be a little less polite.
I always ask for things back that aren't his but DP will grab, for example his mobile phone... but what he doesn't realise is that if you leave DS with it for another minute he will present it to you anyway, he is over his fascination and desire to chew them/post them through the cat-flap.
I definitely have a tough mummy voice, I try hard not to shout or snap because it is a slippery slope (IMO) and you can find yourself shouting at everything - I'm not perfect and have to work at it, I just try and keep the days light and not such hard work. Not always easy
I generally try to use please, thankyou etc with DS but I do a bit at Mum's who say sweetly to their 4 year old who is hitting everyone "Please stop hitting X"
I always treat them with decent manners and have always believed that they learn hopw to behave in the world by copying what I do, ratherthan what I tell them they ought to do.
That doesn't mean I never get cross or tell them off - of course I do.
But DH and I treat each other with respect at all times so it is an extention of that I guess.
So far they are all pretty polite. Even DS2 with SN always says please and thank you and excuse me ( although he tends to say excuse me pretty loudly )
I am of the school of thought that children are people just like adults and therefore deserve to be treated with the same respect that adults could expect to be treated with.
In return, I expect them to attempt and learn manners and use them.
yada I tried to do that after realising I was becoming too snappy, I pretended my DS was a visiting friend and was far nicer to him! It's amazing what a bit of role playing can do.
Now when I feel myself coming close to just snapping I rmeind myself to pretend that he is my house-mate, and deserves a bit of respect. It makes for a much more pleasant life and he respends much better to me when I am in this mode.
For example, I always knock before going into his room, insead of just walking in. He now does the same to me.
I am always polite. I don't believe in saying to DCs 'do as I say, not as I do'. They learn by copying and if they are rude to me they can't say 'but you say it' because I don't!
I am polite to everyone-even if annoyed-it gets you much further.
I get cross and I tell them if I don't like their behaviour, in my 'no nonsense-I mean what I say' voice -but I still say it politely.
For example, if they wandered in front of the TV I would say 'get out of the way, please, I can't see'.
It annoys me no end when adults can't be polite-e.g sail through a shop door being held open by a DC without a thank you, and yet moan if a DC doesn't hold it open.
Treat everyone as you would like to be treated and you can't go wrong! There is nothing hippyish about it-it doesn't stop you being firm!
I agree with ahtwoman, we have to teach by example.
I do also believe that children deserve just as muich respect as adults though, from other people they encounter in life, and get annoyed when people treat children like second-class citizens
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