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Anyone who's considered having a third child and not gone ahead...

(13 Posts)
MogTheForgetfulCat Wed 12-Aug-09 20:25:11

...could you share how you feel about it, what your reasons were etc?

I know this dilemma gets done all the time on MN, but am going round in circles with this one. DH would prefer to stick at our 2 DSs, but does not want me to have a big regret if we don't have a third. Sounds good...

But I am worried about practical things, about our relationship being squeezed even more than it is already, finances etc. I just want some views on how people who have considered a third child but not gone ahead feel about it...

Thanks!

MogTheForgetfulCat Wed 12-Aug-09 20:26:20

Should say, I think I do want another, but am just getting cold feet for some reason. Also a bit anxious about having 3 DSs, but would happily deal with that when the time came!

allaboutme Wed 12-Aug-09 20:41:07

I think I would like another one (have 2 already) but like you have cold feet a bit
DH definitely does not want another one

We have decided to definitley stick at two. DH is on list to get a vasectomy so pretty final!

My reasons for accepting it are:
Mainly that I know how much hard work it has been with 2 already and thats with DH being fully on board and helping out loads etc. I couldnt imagine doing it knowing that it wasnt what DH wanted and expect him to still give up sleep, his time for doing his own thing and not resent it just a little bit.

Money - a big reason! We can just about afford a holiday this year for the first time since DCs. That would go out the window if we had another.
We also just about manage each month money wise and that includes us going out and doing things with the kids and eating out most weekends. We'd have to give that up if we had another. We ALL love our weekends and holidays and I'd hate to take that away from the two children we already have.

I am a SAHM and plan to re train and re start my career in a couple of years. That would be seriously delayed if we had another child and as well as delaying my plans it would delay the contribution I could add to our finances!

Lastly DS1 has SN and is v hard work and I worry that he will be more work rather than less as he gets older and starts school and want to have enough time to give him.

Hope that helps a little bit.
I was in turmoil over making the decision, but now its made I feel fine with it.
I'll always have a little bit of sadness for the next child I never had but then whos to say I wouldnt have that no matter how many I had. I think its a mothers instinct!

MogTheForgetfulCat Wed 12-Aug-09 22:02:37

Thanks for that - food for thought. I wish I wasn't so blardy indecisive. Or was more of a happy-go-lucky, sod-it-let's-do-it sort of person. Sigh.

mumof2222222222222222boys Wed 12-Aug-09 22:32:33

I sometimes dream about having a 3rd (really don't mind which flavour - my SIL had 2 DSs and her 3rd was a girl...which would be lovely, but I do love my cheeky little boys). However DH NOT keen.

I had 3 years off work, and am now back full time which I love. The money is nice but the job is great. I do not want to go back to SAHM.

Also, this year we had a fab time skiing - DS1 loved it, and we're getting back to bnormal. DS2 is now out of nappies....and I think I like my new life.

But not pushing DH to get snipped (we talk about it every now and again) and I do remind him that an accident is a possibility....

WaitingForVino Wed 12-Aug-09 22:39:06

if you're not sure, don't. it's another life you're talking about FGS ... not just a baby ... we have 2 and can't bring myself to face possibly regretting a 3rd. Imagine if you did. Would you want to be that 3rd child? Try (i know it's hard) to be happy with the 2 you have and move on. If that doesn't work after a while, re-assess. HTH x

Spaceman Wed 12-Aug-09 22:41:01

I'm lucky enough to have one of each so don't have that 'let's try for another to make the set' sort of pressure; but I was adamant I wanted three and did everything to convince my DH. He would have but I've now completelty changed my mind. I've been totally immersed in my kids for the last five years but now I've got a bit of my old self back again and I like it. DS is only 16 months, but he is so so easy. I wasn't expecting it as DD (5.0) was really hard work. I thought; it doesn't have to be a struggle. I can be a good mum and still have a bit of a life for myself. So I'm drawing the line here while the going is good!

nicefleece Wed 12-Aug-09 22:49:05

We're done. I'm too old (38) and I am sooo knackered. Also, 2 lovely boys, mean a higher chance of another boy, and my ovaries are not getting any younger.

FINALLY - I need to move on from the toddler & baby twilight zone. Bigger kids equals different fun (camping, bike rides etc) a new baby would mean it would be more difficult for the whole family to do the same thing..

Obviously given it some though huh?

allaboutme Thu 13-Aug-09 10:57:04

I thought a lot about when the children are older too.
I was the first and only person in my family to go to university and I'd love for my children to have that opportunity (if they want to of course!)
I'm stil paying off the debt from me going now so I know how expensive it is.
We've got more chance of bein able to help out 2 boys through university than 3!
Also school trips, school uniforms, new shoes etc etc all add up A LOT!

QuintessentialShadow Thu 13-Aug-09 11:05:43

We have two boys, 7 and 4 years old. Dh wants a third. I am not so keen.

The reasons why I am not keen:
1. I had really bad SPD and was in very bad health after nr 2 was born

2. I cant face being pregnant again

3. I dont see how our life would incorporate a baby now that we are just starting to really enjoy active family life, cycling, tenting, etc. I dont feel up for such with a newborn.

4. I dont think I have the energy, I am 37, and getting on in years.

5. I worry about my age and how it might affect the baby, I am terrified of severe SN (sorry if that offends some of you with SN kids.)

6. I work from home, we run our own company, my work is flexible, but this also means I have to work evenings when necessary, but where we live now nurseries dont take children on until they are 10 months old. I would have no maternity leave, no childcare and still have my job to do.

I do not worry about money in all this, I think it is possible to adjust ones finances to also afford another child for most.

But I dont think you should overthink it either. I DO feel broody, maybe not broody enough, as I am usr all obstacles could be reasoned through and turned to a "I can do it" attitude if the longing for a third is big enough.

deepdarkwood Thu 13-Aug-09 11:07:15

I was desparate for a third when dd was about 2. DH suggested we wait and reassess in a bit...

She's 3.5 now, and I don't think a third would make sense. We are settled and happy, starting to do family things that a baby wouldn't fit into (first camping holiday in france...). And I'm conscious of both the material differences a third would make - and the impact on the time that we could spend with each child. I know I'd be having a third for me, rather than my family iykwim.

I have a few mates who've just had thirds, and all of them have found it hard - that helped cool my hormones off too smile

rasputin Thu 13-Aug-09 11:12:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintessentialShadow Thu 13-Aug-09 11:15:07

shock
I DO want another big child, or teenager living with us......


sad

not sure I can go through what it takes to get there, though....

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